this post was submitted on 05 May 2025
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I think a lot about how we as a culture have turned “forever” into the only acceptable definition of success.

Like... if you open a coffee shop and run it for a while and it makes you happy but then stuff gets too expensive and stressful and you want to do something else so you close it, it’s a “failed” business. If you write a book or two, then decide that you don’t actually want to keep doing that, you're a “failed” writer. If you marry someone, and that marriage is good for a while, and then stops working and you get divorced, it’s a “failed” marriage.

The only acceptable “win condition” is “you keep doing that thing forever”. A friendship that lasts for a few years but then its time is done and you move on is considered less valuable or not a “real” friendship. A hobby that you do for a while and then are done with is a “phase” - or, alternatively, a “pity” that you don’t do that thing any more. A fandom is “dying” because people have had a lot of fun with it but are now moving on to other things.

| just think that something can be good, and also end, and that thing was still good. And it’s okay to be sad that it ended, too. But the idea that anything that ends is automatically less than this hypothetical eternal state of success... I don’t think that’s doing us any good at all.

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[–] [email protected] 2 points 22 minutes ago

I need a thousand more accounts just to upvote this

[–] [email protected] 1 points 9 minutes ago* (last edited 9 minutes ago)

I do think it betrays society's lack of present-focused mindfulness. I've had a handful of friendships that I thought would go on to be quite strong and longlasting, but they fizzled out after a while. That's not to say they were bad or failed friendships. I'm grateful for the time I experienced with them.

[–] [email protected] 3 points 39 minutes ago (2 children)

About marriage: the whole concept reside in the mutual promise of a "forever after". If that's not your thing, totally fine. But then you wouldn't engage in it in the first place? In that sense, the marriage would indeed have failed (to deliver on its core premise).

[–] [email protected] 2 points 9 minutes ago

Plenty of people get married and don't believe in an afterlife.

[–] [email protected] 1 points 6 minutes ago

what you're saying is only true for some religions that don't allow divorce. most do. there's no forever after promise in most cases, just living together and caring for each other.

[–] [email protected] 6 points 2 hours ago

I think you are looking into things in a non healthy way.

You are right that success and failure are not binary. Furthermore, every system, be it physical, living, or social, fails sooner or later.

That doesn't mean we shouldn't strive to not fail for as long as possible, for if something brings joy or safety it's continued success is important. It follows that if something that's important to someone fails it's healthy to morn it and to try to learn from it to not repeat the same failure.

[–] [email protected] 5 points 4 hours ago

I totally disagree with your characterization. I can come up with dozens of examples of how people don't think that the goal is "forever". That's not to say that you're lying, if you feel it then no doubt your feelings are genuine, but I don't think your feelings are a good reflection of contemporary society at large.

[–] [email protected] 20 points 9 hours ago

Happily Ever After only exists if you happen to die at the happiest moment of your life.

[–] [email protected] 3 points 6 hours ago

This.

I would rather have things to end and turn into good memories, rather than having it turn to shit.

[–] [email protected] 11 points 8 hours ago

A core Buddhist concept is impermanence, the idea of constant change in our world, and letting go of fixed ideas and outcomes.

[–] [email protected] 10 points 9 hours ago

Dan Savage (of the sex and relationship advice podcast "Savage Lovecast") says this frequently.

A short term relationship can also be successful. It doesn't have to end with one of the partners dying in order to be considered good and worthwhile.

[–] Zink 4 points 8 hours ago

Such a good way to put it. And I have focused on something similar for myself. Literally everything is temporary.

I tend to be a planner, a saver, the person who never uses consumable items in games, and the person who will avoid using an item they like so that it will last longer.

It’s helped me allow myself to enjoy today more, and spend more of my time doing things I want to be doing.

[–] [email protected] 19 points 12 hours ago

The best definition of success I heard was from Earl Nightingale -

Success is the progressive realization of a worthwhile goal.

Doing something because you want to do it--and it betters yourself, your family, or your community--makes you successful.

[–] [email protected] 6 points 10 hours ago (2 children)

On Wikipedia, an article for a deceased person reads, “[The deceased] was,” while an article for a TV show that has ended reads, “The Office is

Feels kinda related in some way

[–] [email protected] 2 points 8 minutes ago

That seems to me more just a linguistic quirk of how English works.

[–] [email protected] 17 points 9 hours ago (4 children)

I mean that does make sense.

The office is still a show that exists and is watchable and all that. It's not gone. It's more like it went into retirement.

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[–] [email protected] 1 points 6 hours ago (1 children)

Sounds like it was written by someone with shitty parents.

[–] [email protected] 1 points 6 hours ago

In what way?

[–] [email protected] 19 points 13 hours ago (1 children)

Seems to me a logical extension from our capitalist (line must go up) and Christian (stay in line or go to hell) cultural shit pile of a country.

[–] [email protected] 4 points 9 hours ago

Nah that's wrong, this is pervasive in every culture and throughout history. Every generation complains about the next because they don't do the same things the same way as the previous one. Entire countries did this, a kingdom that was less prosperous or lost territory was failing and in decline.

I think the root cause is an innate human fear of change and loss.

[–] [email protected] 18 points 13 hours ago

This reminds me of Sand Mandala

Once complete, the sand mandala's ritualistic dismantling is accompanied by ceremonies and viewing to symbolize Buddhist doctrinal belief in the transitory nature of material life.

[–] [email protected] 49 points 16 hours ago (3 children)

Reminds me of last week when everyone was talking about how Bluesky is worthless because it's just going to go the way of Twitter. And I'm like, Twitter was a good thing for like 15 years.

If Bluesky follows that same pattern, great.

[–] [email protected] 29 points 15 hours ago (3 children)

I feel an adjacent thing about Lemmy — The conversations I most value are ones I used to have on Reddit, but dwindled over the years, as Reddit discourse degraded. Something that's notable is that, on Reddit, the last bastions of meaningful discussion were the little niche subs, indicating that quality of discussion may be inversely correlated with the size of a community.

The federated nature of Lemmy makes it far more resistant to Reddit's fate, but I still feel a sense of inevitability that there is a timer on how long this can last. (Speaking as an aging punk), it reminds me of what happened to Punk: it went mainstream, and thus less punk. Some people have the instinct of gatekeeping a thing to preserve it, but everything needs fresh blood, and some of the people who discover punk via the mainstream are have a heart as punk as anyone I've met — we can't exclude the masses of "normies" without excluding these people too. In the end, I see that punk is probably dead, but the "true punk spirit" is alive and well, having moved into spaces that were less visible to the mainstream. Similarly, I expect that I'll always be able to find online clusters of cool nerds to have meaningful conversations with, because even if Lemmy dies a slow death, they will find (or build) a new space.

Ultimately, the inevitable temporariness of Lemmy (and other platforms like Bluesky) is quite a beautiful thing for me, because it forces me to be more mindful of the moment I'm in, and how, despite the world being shit in many ways, here is something that I am really glad I get to be a part of

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[–] [email protected] 94 points 18 hours ago (27 children)

Agree with most of these I guess, but marriage specifically is the one thing that's intended to be forever. Til death do us part and all that jazz.

[–] [email protected] 51 points 17 hours ago

There’s nothing wrong with forever, but it shouldn’t be some sort of “standard” we hold everything to.

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[–] [email protected] 2 points 8 hours ago

Basically yeah, scrolling culture is all about what you've done today.

[–] [email protected] 2 points 8 hours ago

I'm a successful painter. I just only paint once every few years.

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