Ask Lemmy

This guy makes a new account every few weeks because he keeps getting banned. It is terrible to say given his question, but he is an attention whore and doesn't want help. Best to ignore this.

considers

We are going to die, and that makes us the lucky ones. Most people are never going to die because they are never going to be born. The potential people who could have been here in my place but who will in fact never see the light of day outnumber the sand grains of Arabia. Certainly those unborn ghosts include greater poets than Keats, scientists greater than Newton. We know this because the set of possible people allowed by our DNA so massively exceeds the set of actual people. In the teeth of these stupefying odds it is you and I, in our ordinariness, that are here. We privileged few, who won the lottery of birth against all odds, how dare we whine at our inevitable return to that prior state from which the vast majority have never stirred?

-- Richard Dawkins

Dawkins was talking about human dissatisfaction with mortality, but I think that perhaps it puts perspective on life as well.

I've been alive as long as I can remember, and everyone I interact with is alive. Familiarity breeds contempt, and it's perhaps easy, from that perspective, to forget how rare a thing life is.

I can think of three reasons, spite, funni, and to make things

My mantra for the dark days is "well, it's not like I care, might as well stick around and see if something interesting happens".

The things that make me enjoy life, certain people, good books, video games, positive world events, in a way even negative world events, as I am fascinated by humanity and our story, do keep happening.

There can he difficult periods in-between, and during them I just keep reminding myself that ending it is a permanent solution to a temporary problem.

As for relationships, those are hard. There's a chicken and egg problem there, where you have to be with people to learn to get people, but to be with people, you kind have to get people. So getting into it can be a huge pain.

It's also very rewarding. And it is one of the things you can ABSOLUTELY find help with. Not from pickup artists, but just by asking people about it, and having conversations about hypothetical and real situations. Lots of people find the subject of people one of the most interesting there is, and while you're at it, you'll be developing your interaction skills.

I'm a little unsure why you think it's not possible to get help. It almost always is. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_suicide_crisis_lines

Why are you measuring yourself by the standards of a Hallmark movie?

If you think being successful and having sex with good looking people will make you happy, why is Beniffer getting divorced again? Does Elon Musk seem happy to you?

There is a concept in psychology called "adaptation" where over the long run, people maintain about the same level of satisfaction with their lives. Extraordinary fortunes like becoming paralyzed, or winning the lottery only effect this base-line of satisfaction temporarily.

There isn't one.

That is either frightening or freeing, depending on your personal philosophy. 🤷🏻‍♂️

Get a job first. Sounds like you're locking yourself in your room away from society. This is a recipe for depression.

Reframe failure as winning.

You haven't died, so you've succeeded in staying alive. That in itself is an achievement. And is generally more than most humans to ever exist can claim. Most died in childhood.

There's nothing wrong with being a virgin. It’s a state that can change, but there's no rush or pressure. Engage in activities you find interesting—you’ll meet like-minded people along the way. You may want to reconsider your visual standards or work on your communication skills. Focus on finding people who appreciate you for who you are. Common interests and truly caring about others are attractive traits. (Also, remember, older people are often still sexually active, so losing your virginity is possible even in your later years.) ((As a gay man, I can assure you that everyone is someone’s fetish—no exaggeration. Based on the categories on straight porn sites, the same seems true for heteronormative people.))

Start small. Incremental change over time is more sustainable than trying to make massive, instant changes. Identify the aspects of your life that you don’t like, and work to improve them gradually. Reflect on the wonder of being able to ponder your own existence. Lie in the grass, look up at the sky, and feel your mind wrestle with the idea that you won’t fall up into the sky.

Even if you don’t have a lot of money, there are free things you can do. Turn off your phone, leave your headphones at home, and take a walk on a trail at night. Listen to the sounds of the woods, look at the stars, and feel the breeze.

Nothing inherently matters, and that can be freeing. Since life has no intrinsic meaning, you’re free to assign meaning to the things that matter to you. Take the time you have and focus on what you enjoy.

Even if none of this resonates with you, I hope tomorrow is a better day. And that each tomorrow is better than the last. One thing you can always have is hope. Nothing can kill hope—not a dictator, not a bad date, not the weather, not even the heat death of the universe. Hope lives on. Time marches on. This too shall pass.

There isn't really a point if you don't want to do any work to get better. Not sure why you're in asklemmy asking about why to live and then shooting down any ways to improve your life. And this is coming from someone with chronic treatment resistant depression

if life is meaningless then you suddenly have the option to give it any meaning you want, abandon your old ways they clearly don't suit you, if you have nothing to lose you have everything to gain, so go out there any try things you never would before, because what have you got to lose?

Please dial 988 in the US.

Hi buddy 👋🏾 Same here mostly. I have given up on expecting anything out of life. I moved to a tribal village and am enjoying my remaining days there in nature.

I'm sorry man, I've been where you are. I entered a depressive state in my 20s, and it lasted for a decade. I'm 41 now and a happy person, I don't know you, but here's some advice based on my experience.

Don't feel obligated to solve every problem you have all at once. I still have a pile of things that need a lot of work. You just need to get that sense of hope back, and that might just take 1 or 2 key adjustments. Money is the big one for most people, but working somewhere that isn't soul-crushing is more important. Without knowing your situation, I'm guessing you either are unemployed or have a job that does not give you a sense of pride. That's what I would advise improving asap. Even if it takes a pay cut to do it. If you are older, you will likely be promoted faster once you find something that grabs your attention. It may take a few jobs and a few failures, but that is normal. I recommend calling up some local tradesmen (plumbers, electricians, hvac, etc) to see if they need a helper. If you think you like it, there is great money to be made in those fields in just a few short years of training while still working. Hard work sucks but it makes you feel really proud of yourself every night.

I know you've read or been told this, but take time to walk around the block every day, make sure you shower every day, and try to eat a bit healthier. I don't always follow this advice, but if I'm feeling depressed that's my focus. It absolutely does help improve your mindset fast. Hiking a trail at a state park is a great double dip of exercise and nature immersion. Start with a 1 mile trail and work your way up. I personally love to kayak when it's warm enough. Learn to cook chicken and rice, figure out your favorite vegetables, drink more water. It's trite advice but it is 100% real.

Find a creative outlet that isn't toxic. If you play games, avoid THOSE games. I deleted Call of Duty and Destiny 2. There are tons of positive, creative, cooperative games that can uplift you. Music is a great outlet. Every pawn shop has a $30 guitar. Learning how to play a song is a great confidence boost. Drawing is free and can be relaxing. Maybe you're better at that than you thought after a few youtube lessons? Putting something new into the world that didn't exist before is validating, even if no one experiences it but you.

I would also recommend you try to stop comparing yourself to other people. I deleted Facebook and cut out a few friends. There is nothing wrong with being who you are, whatever that may be, as long as you find your own happiness. Nothing else matters at all. There are millions of janitors in the world with a higher quality of life than your average image-obsessed workaholic-millionaire.

Lastly, I'd like to recommend doing something charitable for someone else for no reason. Sometimes if you can't help yourself, it's best to help someone else. It's a great way to feel good about yourself and get a sense of progress, even if it's someone else's progress. You won't regret it.

I hope some of this helps, best of luck man. I'm glad I made it through my dark times, and I bet you will be too.

Eating mangoes while stoned

I learned after being told countless times that failure is the only way to learn new things. I've found myself at the dark corner of life many times and I still do. I have a family and I love my kids but my wife has a hate relationship with me. At work I have to prove myself at every moment like I owe someone something. And I drive a small car so everyone feels the need to cut me off to feel better. But you know, there's a place where you are king. Your imagination. I'm really artistic and creative due to constantly failing and always coming up with new things ala ADHD. I'm haunted by my father's accusations about my expertise in starting things and never finishing them. Anyway, I keep myself entertained no matter what situation. I love observing people and taking photos and learning. Maybe go inside you and find what you like or find something you can win at. Visiting goodwill stores is very interesting for me for example. You can find all sorts of interesting things there. Or maybe nature could be interesting to you. I love love looking at things under the microscope at work for example. That stuff is like a good mine.

First off, thank you for reaching out. I lost two friends to self destruction, and I'd hate to see anyone else go down that path without any true understanding. You are loved, you are special, you are everything.

I see that you said you're an old adult, yet in another comment you say you're 35. That's still quite young (I'm 47). You've got a long way to go, and believe me, it gets better with the right frame of mind. I would encourage you to start listening (or reading) to Alan Watts. The man saved my life (I was certainly on the precipice about 6 years ago), and not only that, but he helped me realize who I really am inside. There is a lot of his lectures on YouTube.

If you like lofi/hip hop, I would definitely check out Akira the Don's Wattswave albums (II, IV, V, and VI), available on YouTube. It takes a lot of Alan's works and summarizes them into easily-digestible beats. I started on IV, but II and V is my favorite.

From there, I listened to his other lectures as well as getting into philosophy, mostly Eastern, especially the Tao and Zen Buddhism. If that scratches an itch, here are some of my current favorites...

Books:

• The Book by Alan Watts
• Tao Te Ching by Lao Tzu
• The Book of Five Rings by Musashi Miyamoto
• Dokkodo by Musashi Miyamoto
• Siddhartha by Herman Hesse
• Meditatons by Marcus Aurelius
• The Undiscovered Self by Carl Jung
• The Archaic Revival by Terence McKenna

Video:

• After Skool on YouTube
• Kurzgesagt on YouTube

Remember that you are loved, even if it's just from a stranger on the internet.

It's all about your own perception.

Appearently you have become programmed with the false truths that the things you mention is what matters in life.

Fuck, there are tons of people who hate their jobs and their partners, and they suffer every day because they can't get out of it. They need the money or the partner because otherwise they can't pay their bills or for some other reason. People put up with so much misery to not be alone, it's ridiculous.

From where I'm standing, you are free of all these things. The point of your life is not to find some woman. That's all bullshit man. Stop thinking like that.

Here is what you do. Start going to the gym. Exercise. That's step one for feeling better about yourself (at least for almost all people it is).

Cook your own meals. Avoid fast-food (but eat it sometimes, I do). Stop as much of your sugar intake as possible and just have some sugar here and there.

It's just easy steps but it starts with the body, then the spirit will feel better also.

If you can do this, you feel feel better in a month, guaranteed.

I think you are putting women on some pedestal here. Which is easy to do if you haven't been with one. But they have lots of flaws and can be very annoying, just like men do.

I've spent a lot of time hating life and wanting to die but not being in a place to make it happen. I tried once, in a manic state and, thankfully, it didn't work out. I was genuinely mad that I woke up in a hospital ER. When you're down, it seems like you'll never be able to enjoy anything again. It can, and does, shift. It seems like it's never-ending, but it will swing upward again if you can just hold on. I'm sorry that you're having a bad time. It's terrible when that happens. Please just keep putting one foot in front of the other. You don't know what might happen in the future that you wouldn't want to miss.

You know, someone versed in therapy can often tell what kind of issue is going on by the way they phrase things. You might be clouded by your own local circumstances/experiences. Have you ever tried seeing if a change of setting changes your luck?

As a side note, having a job means nothing. Some people contribute more without jobs than others who have them, especially if only one group does it for free.

Nothing but empathy for you here, bro. Try some drugs. Not the shrink drugs, but some psychedelics. There is some inherent risk with HPPD, but you're already wanting to opt-out of life, so that could be acceptable. Read up on set and setting, do the prep, find someone experienced that will trip sit. And be prepared to feel overwhelmed, possibly from profound thoughts, and for some very honest introspection and soul searching. Totally okay to sob your heart out. Psychedelics are not a panacea, but they can be a tool to help you out of the local minimum.