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I've spent a lot of time hating life and wanting to die but not being in a place to make it happen. I tried once, in a manic state and, thankfully, it didn't work out. I was genuinely mad that I woke up in a hospital ER. When you're down, it seems like you'll never be able to enjoy anything again. It can, and does, shift. It seems like it's never-ending, but it will swing upward again if you can just hold on. I'm sorry that you're having a bad time. It's terrible when that happens. Please just keep putting one foot in front of the other. You don't know what might happen in the future that you wouldn't want to miss.