Ask Lemmy

I'm sorry man, I've been where you are. I entered a depressive state in my 20s, and it lasted for a decade. I'm 41 now and a happy person, I don't know you, but here's some advice based on my experience.

Don't feel obligated to solve every problem you have all at once. I still have a pile of things that need a lot of work. You just need to get that sense of hope back, and that might just take 1 or 2 key adjustments. Money is the big one for most people, but working somewhere that isn't soul-crushing is more important. Without knowing your situation, I'm guessing you either are unemployed or have a job that does not give you a sense of pride. That's what I would advise improving asap. Even if it takes a pay cut to do it. If you are older, you will likely be promoted faster once you find something that grabs your attention. It may take a few jobs and a few failures, but that is normal. I recommend calling up some local tradesmen (plumbers, electricians, hvac, etc) to see if they need a helper. If you think you like it, there is great money to be made in those fields in just a few short years of training while still working. Hard work sucks but it makes you feel really proud of yourself every night.

I know you've read or been told this, but take time to walk around the block every day, make sure you shower every day, and try to eat a bit healthier. I don't always follow this advice, but if I'm feeling depressed that's my focus. It absolutely does help improve your mindset fast. Hiking a trail at a state park is a great double dip of exercise and nature immersion. Start with a 1 mile trail and work your way up. I personally love to kayak when it's warm enough. Learn to cook chicken and rice, figure out your favorite vegetables, drink more water. It's trite advice but it is 100% real.

Find a creative outlet that isn't toxic. If you play games, avoid THOSE games. I deleted Call of Duty and Destiny 2. There are tons of positive, creative, cooperative games that can uplift you. Music is a great outlet. Every pawn shop has a $30 guitar. Learning how to play a song is a great confidence boost. Drawing is free and can be relaxing. Maybe you're better at that than you thought after a few youtube lessons? Putting something new into the world that didn't exist before is validating, even if no one experiences it but you.

I would also recommend you try to stop comparing yourself to other people. I deleted Facebook and cut out a few friends. There is nothing wrong with being who you are, whatever that may be, as long as you find your own happiness. Nothing else matters at all. There are millions of janitors in the world with a higher quality of life than your average image-obsessed workaholic-millionaire.

Lastly, I'd like to recommend doing something charitable for someone else for no reason. Sometimes if you can't help yourself, it's best to help someone else. It's a great way to feel good about yourself and get a sense of progress, even if it's someone else's progress. You won't regret it.

I hope some of this helps, best of luck man. I'm glad I made it through my dark times, and I bet you will be too.