this post was submitted on 09 Jul 2024
1408 points (98.6% liked)

Programmer Humor

18462 readers
1876 users here now

Welcome to Programmer Humor!

This is a place where you can post jokes, memes, humor, etc. related to programming!

For sharing awful code theres also Programming Horror.


founded 1 year ago
top 50 comments
sorted by: hot top controversial new old
[–] [email protected] 251 points 1 week ago (8 children)

50/50 chance they believe you.

[–] [email protected] 184 points 1 week ago (1 children)

Yeah, 50% person actually restarted, 30% chance person is lying, 20% chance person just turned the monitor off and back on.

load more comments (1 replies)
[–] [email protected] 75 points 1 week ago (2 children)

80 percent chance they reboot it themselves anyways.

[–] [email protected] 34 points 1 week ago

80% seems really low

load more comments (1 replies)
[–] [email protected] 63 points 1 week ago (5 children)

Second rule of IT: all users lie

[–] [email protected] 24 points 1 week ago (1 children)

I just recently had a wfh user ship me one of his monitors back because we had exhausted every thing I could think of troubleshooting-wise. When it arrived I unboxed it, plugged it in and the damn thing worked fine. I followed up with him and finally realized he had been trying to push the damn power LED instead of the actual power button.

load more comments (1 replies)
load more comments (4 replies)
[–] [email protected] 56 points 1 week ago (6 children)

I tend to just check uptime before asking this question.

If I see the machine has been up for weeks and they tell me they rebooted it, I know i'm dealing with someone who doesn't know that pressing the power button on the monitor doesn't turn the computer off.

load more comments (6 replies)
[–] [email protected] 24 points 1 week ago (2 children)

"Did you restart your computer?"

"............. yes?"

[–] [email protected] 36 points 1 week ago (1 children)

opens task manager

sees a system uptime of 4 years

I'll lose my tabs!

load more comments (1 replies)
[–] SpeakinTelnet 22 points 1 week ago (1 children)

"OK then do me a favor, shut it down, unplug the power for 5 second and plug it back in"

load more comments (1 replies)
[–] [email protected] 21 points 1 week ago

The user always lies. Or even if they don't, they can't intimidate the ghosts in the machine like you can.

load more comments (2 replies)
[–] [email protected] 146 points 1 week ago (6 children)

"Did you make sure it's plugged in?"

"Of course I did! Do you think I'm an idiot?"

"You mind just checking for me real quick?"



"Never mind, it's working now."

[–] [email protected] 59 points 1 week ago (1 children)

I've unironically had this happen to me, same friend, twice.

They had the audacity to blame me, despite being generous enough to perform some basic maintenance and performance enhancements.

Then when they got home, forgot to plug it back in.

load more comments (1 replies)
[–] [email protected] 21 points 1 week ago

I had one where yes everything was plugged in but... The power strips never plugged into the wall... They were just plugged into each other.

That one turned out to be an annoying bit of cable management that I wouldn't have had to do if they would have just left things alone and let me handle the original ticket

load more comments (4 replies)
[–] [email protected] 114 points 1 week ago* (last edited 1 week ago) (4 children)

Took my freshly re-cobbled together computer to local computer guy after an upgrade with hand-me-down parts. He asked what was wrong and I said there was an alarm for the CPU fan, and that I'd torn the case open and hooked a second fan into the CPU fan connection and it also didn't work, and the I plugged the CPU fan into a different connection and got it working, so by elimination I was pretty sure the fans were good and the connection in the motherboard was bad.

He seemed mildly amused/impressed by my spiel. I'm not really a computer person, but swapping out parts to narrow down the source of the problem seemed logically basic.

I ended up chilling with him while he worked on things. He found WinZip on my desktop and let out a "whoa retro." which hurt me deeply.

[–] [email protected] 105 points 1 week ago (1 children)

I’m not really a computer person

Yes, you are.

seemed logically basic

See. You are.

[–] [email protected] 45 points 1 week ago (1 children)
[–] [email protected] 21 points 1 week ago (1 children)

Yes, retro.

Did it display the payment nag screen ironically or seriously?

[–] [email protected] 19 points 1 week ago (5 children)

You thinking of WinRAR? I always assumed that was for enterprise use and they knew everyone was content to be nagged.

load more comments (5 replies)
[–] [email protected] 71 points 1 week ago

If you are messing around the inside of a desktop pc, you are already more of a computer person than the average person.

load more comments (2 replies)
[–] [email protected] 95 points 1 week ago (1 children)

"Ok let me check on something"

Uptime: 156 hours

"let's restart using what I like to call, 'the right way' "

[–] [email protected] 47 points 1 week ago* (last edited 1 week ago) (13 children)

"I restart every day before going home"

Uptime: 19:23:07:24

Yeah............. Logging off isn't restarting...

(Brought to you by my actual day today)

E: correct autocorrect

E2: of course that's not why I told her. I explained how fastboot sometimes takes over and doesn't actually restart the device, only "refreshes" the experience. I recommended she restart at least once a week. We'll see what happens.

load more comments (13 replies)
[–] [email protected] 76 points 1 week ago (4 children)

If I had a nickel for every time I was troubleshooting with a friend and discovered they thought turning the monitor off and on again was "rebooting the computer" I'd be depressingly wealthy.

[–] [email protected] 39 points 1 week ago

"What do you see when it's coming back up?"

"Right back to the problem I'm having!"

"So you don't see [insert OEM logo here]?"

"Nope. And it's still frozen!"

"Where's the power button you're holding down?"

"On the monitor!"

Open the window and throw it out, please

[–] [email protected] 20 points 1 week ago

*Shuts the laptop lid and opens it.
“Ok! It’s restarted”
IT person: “Well that was certainly quick. Are you sure you restarted it?”
Person: *Feels smug about how they were able to restart quicker than most people.

load more comments (2 replies)
[–] [email protected] 70 points 1 week ago (5 children)

Show me how you reboot the PC.

*User turns off monitor

load more comments (5 replies)
[–] [email protected] 70 points 1 week ago (4 children)

Only to login and see rhat they actually didn't restart. They just said so because they think you wont find out 😂

[–] [email protected] 33 points 1 week ago

Told somebody to restart and they just went "OK, done it" like 2 seconds later. In the HDD era.

Turns out they just turned the monitor on and off. 👍

load more comments (3 replies)
[–] [email protected] 68 points 1 week ago (2 children)

As someone who's an IT person I can tell you the vibe is actually, "Well shit, I guess I'm going to actually have to diagnose something."

[–] [email protected] 58 points 1 week ago* (last edited 1 week ago) (14 children)

As an IT person, I assure you, I do not believe that you actually restarted it.

load more comments (14 replies)
load more comments (1 replies)
[–] [email protected] 64 points 1 week ago (9 children)

The real world experience

"Hi so to save us some time I've restarted the computer, went ahead and assigned a static IP to all devices and put them all on the same sub net. While in the router I noticed there was a firmware update so I managed to do that removing the ROM chip and wrote an open source os that uses half the resources of the factory one..."

"Ok sir could you restart your computer"

load more comments (9 replies)
[–] [email protected] 47 points 1 week ago* (last edited 1 week ago) (8 children)

"What color are the pins on the electrical cord?"

No matter the answer, you can be damn sure they rebooted.

A bit harder in the laptop era though.

load more comments (8 replies)
[–] [email protected] 44 points 1 week ago (3 children)

I will not believe you anyways and reboot just in case.

[–] [email protected] 34 points 1 week ago (3 children)

"I reboot it every night."

Processor Uptime : 191:22:19:54

load more comments (3 replies)
load more comments (2 replies)
[–] [email protected] 43 points 1 week ago (15 children)

Then you look at the uptime. 247 days. No longer have you been elevated. Now you're the vilest of vile. You're the user that lies. You just say what you think we want to hear, don't you? Well, now you're getting put on hold. For as long as your uptime was.

load more comments (15 replies)
[–] [email protected] 40 points 1 week ago (13 children)

Contacting IT is always my last line of defense and I get unreasonably frustrated when they refuse to help without walking me through basic troubleshooting. It's like, I've already figured out the cause of the problem, just tell me where the button is to fix it. The worst was when I had to RMA my Pixel phone and they made me go through every step I'd already been through just to come to the same conclusion I initially came to them with.

load more comments (13 replies)
[–] [email protected] 33 points 1 week ago (7 children)

My wife's standing at her company's IT dept skyrocketed during COVID lockdowns.

Why? Because we were both working from home, and aside from helping her with basic troubleshooting, I also helped her formulate her tickets better.

Turns out, tech support folks like it when a ticket has concise info, instead of "screen broke".

load more comments (7 replies)
[–] [email protected] 31 points 1 week ago (4 children)

I work in our service department myself (not as support tech though), but obviously, all tickets are supposed to go through 1st level. I don't wanna be the dick skipping queue, so I did then one time I had an issue.

There's a unique feeling of satisfaction to submitting a ticket with basically all the 1st level troubleshooting in the notes, allowing the tech to immediately escalate it to a 2nd level team. One quick call, one check I didn't know about, already prepared the escalation notes while it ran. Never have I heard our support sound so cheerful.

[–] [email protected] 20 points 1 week ago (6 children)

Still riding the high of RMAing my Index. Included all the steps I did and the reply was essentially, "Thanks for troubleshooting, confirm your address and we'll ship your replacement."

load more comments (6 replies)
load more comments (3 replies)
[–] [email protected] 30 points 1 week ago* (last edited 1 week ago)

I was on the phone with our ISP after our internet service went out. The rep asked me if the box had a green light on it - yes - then asked me to plug a light into the same outlet and confirm the power was on. I said, "Look, I understand you have to follow a script, but you literally just asked me to confirm the power light on the box was on. Clearly the power is working."

Same ISP sends me an email whenever we have a power outage letting me know that our internet might not work when the power is out. (I've joked that this email arrives before the ceiling fans have come to a stop.) But when my internet goes down, they're completely clueless. "Ohhhh it must be that your power is out even though we monitor that closely and aren't showing a power outage right now!"

[–] [email protected] 29 points 1 week ago* (last edited 1 week ago) (3 children)

Restarting can be a pain too.

Recently, I decided to install arch linux on an old laptop my sibling gave to me. I'm not new to Linux, I've been running a debian server for a year now and I have tried several VMs with different systems. But this was my first time installing arch without a script, and on bare metal.

Installing arch itself wasn't that much of an issue, but there was a bigger problem: the PC didn't recognize the pendrive for boot in UEFI mode. It seemed to work in the regular boot mode, but I didn't want to use that. I made sure to deactivate safe mode and all the jazz. Sure enough, I could get UEFI boot working.

I install arch, works fine, I reboot. Oops! I didn't install dhcpcd and I don't know how to use network manager! No internet, great!

In my infinite wisdom, instead of trying to get NM to work, I decided to instead chroot back into the system and install dhcpcd. But my surprise when... The boot menu didn't recognize the USB again. I tried switching between UEFI and normal boot modes on the bios and trying again, after all it appeared last time after changing it, right?

"Oh it doesn't appear... Wait, what's this? No boot partition found? Oh crap..."

Turns out, by changing the setting on the BIOS I probably deleted the nvram and with it the boot table settings or whatever they're called. I deleted GRUB.

Alas, as if to repent for my sins, God gave me a nugget of inspiration. I swap the USB drive from the 3.0 port to one of the 2.0 ports on the other side and... It works, first try. The 3.0 port was just old and the connection bad. And I just deleted GRUB for no reason.

Usually, I would've installed everything from scratch again, but with newfound confidence, I managed to chroot into the system and regenerate the boot table or whatever (and install dhcpcd). And it worked! I had a working, bootable system, and an internet connection to download more packages.

I don't know what the moral of the story is I just wanted to share it :)

load more comments (3 replies)
[–] [email protected] 28 points 1 week ago (1 children)

And then it turns out you actually hadn't restarted the computer, in my experience..

load more comments (1 replies)
[–] [email protected] 28 points 1 week ago

As an IT person, hearing that someone has already restarted to try to fix it, gives me mixed feelings.

First, they might be lying. I've had it happen that people tell me they've done something when they have not. Restarting is usually an easy one to verify, just check the uptime of the system.

Second, maybe they did everything right, and actually restarted, that's cool that they tried something before calling in. I appreciate that.

Third, if the second thing is true then, I'm now frustrated, because now I have to get dirty with whatever is happening since a reboot that should have fixed the problem, didn't fix it. I know it's not going to be an easy fix. Most of the time, I'm right, unfortunately.

I'm all for users trying stuff before calling in. But recognise that you don't, and shouldn't have access to some things. Sometimes that's administrator rights, sometimes that's a piece of software, sometimes it's the ability to turn off the AV/firewall.

It can be a lot of things. If you're not sure if what you're trying won't screw things up more than they already are, then don't do it. If it's something simple that you know how to do, go for it. If you happen to get it fixed, so much the better.

"Customer self resolved" is usually the fastest way to get a problem resolved. That's good for you, for me, and good for everyone.

load more comments
view more: next ›