this post was submitted on 05 Dec 2023
800 points (95.0% liked)

Programmer Humor

19660 readers
545 users here now

Welcome to Programmer Humor!

This is a place where you can post jokes, memes, humor, etc. related to programming!

For sharing awful code theres also Programming Horror.

Rules

founded 1 year ago
MODERATORS
 
top 50 comments
sorted by: hot top controversial new old
[–] [email protected] 156 points 11 months ago (2 children)

Yo if you are doing COBOL systems maintenance for 90k you arent charging enough.

That's all this meme means. Consultants on COBOL maintenance can make 90k in a week. This is not the area where companies pinch pennies.

[–] odium 47 points 11 months ago* (last edited 11 months ago) (2 children)

A lot of banks have bootcamps where they pick up unemployed people who might not have ever had tech experience in their life. They teach them COBOL and mainframe basics in a few months, and, if they do well, give them a shitty $60k annual job.

Source: know someone who went to one of these bootcamps and now works for a major us bank.

[–] [email protected] 47 points 11 months ago (10 children)

So you're saying you can get free training then just leave for a real paying company eh

load more comments (10 replies)
load more comments (1 replies)
[–] [email protected] 28 points 11 months ago (1 children)

My experience with Fintech and the financial sector is that they don't care about how much, they only care about how fast.

load more comments (1 replies)
[–] [email protected] 133 points 11 months ago (7 children)

Something that maybe a software engineer union could solve.

[–] [email protected] 42 points 11 months ago (1 children)

Something that a union would definitely solve. What are the banks gonna do? Fire every veteran and hire a team of underpaid newbs to manage their critical systems? If they were dumb enough to do that, let them save themselves millions a year by facing billions in losses... I'm sure that'll work out well.

[–] [email protected] 17 points 11 months ago (1 children)

Banks: Hold my beer!

And later blame it on the workers that unionized.

load more comments (1 replies)
[–] [email protected] 20 points 11 months ago

If only there was one, I wish I had one just so I wouldn't have to do all the fucking social hoops just to get my resume noticed by an actual human before the HR's "I don't want to do my job!" machines filter me out for not going to an Ivy League School like apparently everyone else did.

load more comments (5 replies)
[–] [email protected] 79 points 11 months ago (4 children)

Cobol devs that we had (while we spent insane money to retire their systems) we're getting 300-500k/year.

I'm sure companies are trying to rip off any young new entrants but 90k seems super low.

[–] [email protected] 19 points 11 months ago (1 children)

Yep I know a COBOL programmer and she drives a nice-ass Mercedes SUV and owns 2 houses. Making way more than I do.

load more comments (1 replies)
load more comments (3 replies)
[–] [email protected] 76 points 11 months ago (4 children)

That's because the COBOL OGs are retired/ing and the industry has been training young people telling them "yeah, sorry, this is all we can pay you". Here in Europe, they'll take unemployed people from a different industry, put them on a training course, and bang! you've got a grateful new dev who doesn't know how much they are worth.
You just gotta keep spreading the message. I keep happily sharing my salary, especially with younger, less experienced devs, so we can all win better.

[–] [email protected] 45 points 11 months ago (1 children)

programmers desperately need to unionize

[–] [email protected] 28 points 11 months ago (1 children)

For real. Even just talking to your fellow coding monkeys helps. It's ironic that for example here in France, despite all our workers rights and revolutionary tradition, speaking about your salary is still a social faux-pas. And who benefits? Certainly not us.

load more comments (1 replies)
[–] [email protected] 18 points 11 months ago (5 children)

A surprising number of people don't know about levels.fyi

Go to levels.fyi, find some companies and compare at your level. For a long time I was like "ain't no way these numbers are accurate, people are getting paid that much?" YES THE NUMBERS ARE ACCURATE; your company's excuses for a shitty raise this year ("blah blah market conditions, blah blah you are already on the upper end of your band, let's work on a promotion next year") are bullshit.

load more comments (5 replies)
load more comments (2 replies)
[–] [email protected] 73 points 11 months ago (3 children)

I once applied for a "database admin" job at one of the big credit card companies. The job description was basically "run all our Oracle databases" and the salary was in the mid 2 millions USD, but I assumed that figure was typo'ed or something ( an extra 0 maybe?)

In the interview I learned that there was no typo and it was to be one of the seven people on the planet that run the databases for this credit card processor. They said "if the database goes down then we are losing billions of dollars a minute".

Anyways I didn't get the job, but they're not all underpaid.

[–] [email protected] 23 points 11 months ago

Given how much the shareholders are skimming off the top, $2Mil for a critical database engineer is cheap.

[–] [email protected] 23 points 11 months ago (4 children)

Fuck that job I would probably get stomach cancer from all the stress

load more comments (4 replies)
load more comments (1 replies)
[–] [email protected] 65 points 11 months ago (12 children)

Not how that format works, mate.

[–] [email protected] 32 points 11 months ago (1 children)

Misusing meme templates is a long programminghumor tradition.

[–] [email protected] 15 points 11 months ago

We need strongly typed memes. This place is chaos.

[–] [email protected] 13 points 11 months ago
load more comments (10 replies)
[–] [email protected] 61 points 11 months ago* (last edited 11 months ago) (5 children)

There is no relationship between what you earn and your skill level. If there were, theoretical physics would be a top paying field. The reason is, this is capitalism and we are horrible negotiators. If you want to earn top money in a technical field, the best you can do is insert yourself in a revenue stream. Roles that are critical to revenue like a billing system or associated with a intrinsically valuable commodity e.g. petrochemical, are more lucrative than other similarly skilled professions.

load more comments (5 replies)
[–] [email protected] 55 points 11 months ago (1 children)

Who would've thought a sector with gold flowing through its hands would be so stingy when it comes to updating their backend that they'd end up relying on a dying language, and call upon AI to update it for them rather than just paying a competent team to create and rigorously test a new backend in a modern language

load more comments (1 replies)
[–] [email protected] 38 points 11 months ago

Honestly not the right format for that meme template lol. The monkey should represent one person doing both looks.

[–] [email protected] 31 points 11 months ago (2 children)

I think some COBOL consultants are very well paid, especially since they are a rare breed.

[–] [email protected] 19 points 11 months ago (4 children)

Friend has a cobol + IBM AIX combo going for him and his on call + at most 1 day/week of work position pays more than my full time very senior dev role.

load more comments (4 replies)
load more comments (1 replies)
[–] [email protected] 31 points 11 months ago (3 children)

what i’m gathering from this thread is that i should learn cobol

[–] [email protected] 23 points 11 months ago* (last edited 11 months ago) (1 children)

From when this has come up in the past, it's a lucrative career path, but probably tricky to break in to since nobody's maintaining a COBOL system they can afford to put into the hands of someone inexperienced.

The dudes earning half a million are able to do so because they've been at it since before their boss was born.

[–] [email protected] 16 points 11 months ago (4 children)

Yeah, and from what I understand, learning the language itself isn't the hard part. It actually has rather few concepts. What's difficult, is learning how to program a computer correctly without all the abstractions and safety measures that modern languages provide.

Even structured programming had to be added to COBOL in a later revision. That's if/else, loops and similar.

load more comments (4 replies)
load more comments (2 replies)
[–] [email protected] 26 points 11 months ago (1 children)

Cobol is the B-52 of programming languages. Sure there are fancy and expensive new ones or there, but it'll probably outlast them all.

[–] [email protected] 23 points 11 months ago (2 children)

That's a pretty good analogy, but it's Fortran and B-52. Fortran is very good at what it does to this day. Cobol was never good.

[–] [email protected] 15 points 11 months ago (1 children)
load more comments (1 replies)
load more comments (1 replies)
[–] [email protected] 26 points 11 months ago (2 children)

Saw this post and all the redditors getting dreamy eyed at the idea of learning COBOL.

https://www.pcmag.com/articles/ibms-plan-to-update-cobol-with-watson

[–] [email protected] 36 points 11 months ago* (last edited 11 months ago)

The historic high salary for COBOL Devs etc is also partially due to them mostly being old and extremely experienced senior devs

load more comments (1 replies)
[–] [email protected] 24 points 11 months ago (2 children)

In Canada, the Ministry of Health pays colleges to teach kids COBOL and JCL. It's a steady job, pension, good bennies. I know a handful of people who went that route, rather than the riskier private sector.

load more comments (2 replies)
[–] [email protected] 19 points 11 months ago

I had a friend at university who got a job fixing cobol stuff before Y2K. The bank paid him extremely well, housed him in a luxury apartment during the job, and, as he had no driving licence, dropped in a car with free driver for him.

[–] [email protected] 14 points 11 months ago (2 children)

Is the collective noun for COBOL programmers, cobblers?

load more comments (2 replies)
[–] [email protected] 13 points 11 months ago (6 children)

I'd be happy if I could land a web dev role for 40k at this point

load more comments (6 replies)
[–] [email protected] 13 points 11 months ago (4 children)

Where do you learn this... Cobol?

[–] [email protected] 21 points 11 months ago (2 children)

My grandmother could teach you it, but she’s dead.

[–] jwt 30 points 11 months ago* (last edited 11 months ago)

My cobolences.

load more comments (1 replies)
load more comments (3 replies)
load more comments
view more: next ›