this post was submitted on 06 Nov 2023
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Asklemmy

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Hello you awesome people,

Friends are having a boy and everyone they know wants to push a name on the child. So I decided to be the best friend they could have and to offer only bad, ugly or horrendous names to the lucky parents so they could have a laugh. I already send them some names and dictators, Smeagol, Steve and Juan-Esteban.

So please, people or Lemmy, give me the worst names you could give a child, so that I can help them as a good friend!

Ps: don't worry, I've already planned some meals to drop off when the gremlin will be there to feed the parents. And some take-out vouchers so they won't get food poisoning

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[–] [email protected] 153 points 10 months ago* (last edited 10 months ago) (21 children)
[–] [email protected] 28 points 10 months ago

The only way to escape a name like that is to take a phallic rocket to mars and start a new colony

[–] [email protected] 23 points 10 months ago (2 children)

The only winner here is his sister who's name was not as publicized. Exa Dark Siderael

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[–] [email protected] 135 points 10 months ago (9 children)

Bob, short for Bobert. So that every time he has to say his full name to anyone on the phone or fill out forms somewhere, he has to repeatedly explain that, no, it's not Robert, it's Bobert.

[–] [email protected] 17 points 10 months ago

Best one so far

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[–] [email protected] 123 points 10 months ago (1 children)

Robert'); DROP TABLE Students;--

[–] [email protected] 68 points 10 months ago (1 children)

Little Bobby Tables as we call him.

[–] [email protected] 80 points 10 months ago (1 children)
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[–] [email protected] 77 points 10 months ago (3 children)
[–] [email protected] 57 points 10 months ago* (last edited 10 months ago) (3 children)

I dont know about that.

See, this world is rough, and if a man's gonna make it, he's gotta be tough. If a father knew he wouldn't be there to help his son along he could, hypothetically, give him that name, say goodbye, and know his son would have to get tough or die.

That very name would then help to make him strong.

[–] [email protected] 17 points 10 months ago

Right but everyone would be like "haha sue like the song" and he'd get so annoyed

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[–] [email protected] 73 points 10 months ago (2 children)
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[–] [email protected] 71 points 10 months ago (3 children)
[–] [email protected] 18 points 10 months ago (1 children)

Only if Pube is considered as it's diminutive!

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[–] [email protected] 57 points 10 months ago (2 children)
[–] [email protected] 20 points 10 months ago (1 children)

That wouldn't fly with the city clerk in Belgium. But then again, one can always try!

[–] [email protected] 22 points 10 months ago

Should have made a joke with "nein", but people would be Fuhrerious about it!

[–] [email protected] 52 points 10 months ago (8 children)

I once knew someone who refused to tell anyone the name they chose before the baby was born (absolutely valid choice, IMO). The grandpa-to-be chose to exclusively refer to the fetus as Beelzebub.

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[–] [email protected] 49 points 10 months ago (3 children)
  • Spanko
  • Twallypod
  • Roooooo
  • Meganginipple
  • Nipple
  • Craig
  • Nart
  • Puddin
  • Sue
  • Ticksy
  • Ewwgross
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[–] [email protected] 40 points 10 months ago (4 children)

First, anything ending in -ayden. 2-4, I'm just going to list a few real names I've heard. Middles included.

Wynter Obsidian

Ocean Zebediah

Buck Shot

[–] [email protected] 21 points 10 months ago (2 children)

Dude, "Buck Shot" is awesome. That kid is pretty much guaranteed to be an astronaut with a name like that.

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[–] [email protected] 38 points 10 months ago
[–] [email protected] 36 points 10 months ago (6 children)

Grzegorz Brzęczyszczykiewicz

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[–] RandomVideos 32 points 10 months ago (3 children)
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[–] [email protected] 31 points 10 months ago* (last edited 10 months ago) (1 children)

Open a random page in any P. G. Wodehouse novel and you’re good to go! Gussie Fink-Nottle, Bingo Little, Kipper Herring, Stiffy Byng. Or, my personal fave, add in an extra letter like he did for his character Psmith, where, he explains, the “p” is silent, "as in pshrimp.”

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[–] [email protected] 28 points 10 months ago (2 children)

Jugemu Jugemu Go-Kō-no-Surikire Kaijari-suigyo no Suigyō-matsu Unrai-matsu Fūrai-matsu Kū-Neru Tokoro ni Sumu Tokoro Yaburakōji no Burakōji Paipo Paipo Paipo no Shūringan Shūringan no Gūrindai Gūrindai no Ponpokopii no Ponpokonaa no Chōkyūmei no Chōsuke

[–] [email protected] 23 points 10 months ago (7 children)

What?!? What a coincidence! My name is also Jugemu Jugemu Go-Kō-no-Surikire Kaijari-suigyo no Suigyō-matsu Unrai-matsu Fūrai-matsu Kū-Neru Tokoro ni Sumu Tokoro Yaburakōji no Burakōji Paipo Paipo Paipo no Shūringan Shūringan no Gūrindai Gūrindai no Ponpokopii no Ponpokonaa no Chōkyūmei no Chōsuke!

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[–] [email protected] 26 points 10 months ago (2 children)

A friend went with Gilbert, which seems like a strong contender.

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[–] [email protected] 21 points 10 months ago (1 children)
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[–] [email protected] 21 points 10 months ago (1 children)

Jimothy

Tomathan

Kevincent

Jachary

Esteburt

Stanthony

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[–] [email protected] 20 points 10 months ago

Organ farm #17.

[–] [email protected] 19 points 10 months ago (6 children)

I know of someone who named her son "Scrotum".

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[–] [email protected] 18 points 10 months ago

Biggus And then convince them to change their last name into Dikkus

[–] [email protected] 18 points 10 months ago* (last edited 10 months ago) (10 children)

There's a classic Japanese story about a boy called Jugemu Jugemu Gokō-no Surikire Kaijarisuigyo-no Suigyōmatsu Unraimatsu Fūraimatsu Kuunerutokoro-ni Sumutokoro Yaburakōji-no Burakōji Paipopaipo Paipo-no Shūringan Shūringan-no Gūrindai Gūrindai-no Ponpokopii-no Ponpokonā-no Chōkyūmei-no Chōsuke. That's all the first name. No nicknames allowed.

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[–] [email protected] 16 points 10 months ago
[–] [email protected] 16 points 10 months ago

Johann Gambolputty de von Ausfern-schplenden-schlitter-crasscrenbon-fried-digger-dingle-dangle-dongle-dungle-burstein-von-knacker-thrasher-apple-banger-horowitz-ticolensic-grander-knotty-spelltinkle-grandlich-grumblemeyer-spelterwasser-kurstlich-himbleeisen-bahnwagen-gutenabend-bitte-ein-nürnburger-bratwustle-gerspurten-mitzweimache-luber-hundsfut-gumberaber-shönendanker-kalbsfleisch-mittler-aucher von Hautkopft of Ulm. Assuming they live in Ulm. If not, adjust name accordingly.

[–] [email protected] 16 points 10 months ago (1 children)
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[–] ICastFist 16 points 10 months ago

Any very foreign sounding name is a great contender: Ashurbanipal, Nebuchadnezzar, Nabopolassar.

Judas is a good option, too. I think it's even illegal to name your child Judas in Germany.

Any DBZ character works. Trunks in an english speaking country would be spot on.

For a tropical real life villain, Jair Bolsonaro.

[–] [email protected] 16 points 10 months ago

We had a mother and baby possum on our fence that we nicknamed Methany and Rolexxus.

[–] [email protected] 15 points 10 months ago (1 children)
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[–] [email protected] 15 points 10 months ago

Deuteronomy

[–] [email protected] 15 points 10 months ago (1 children)

Alexa That's just gotta be annoying for everyone when your smart home device kicks into action every time your name is called.

[–] [email protected] 27 points 10 months ago

That's a pretty long name.

[–] [email protected] 15 points 10 months ago (2 children)

Any "creative" spelling of a common name.

e.g., Jahnithun.

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