Computers were supposed to solve math, NOT to be programmed
C is a LETTER, not a language
Wanna print() something? Write it in a PAPER with a PEN
"I'm writing a recursive method with threads to optimize the CPU usage in a 0.02%" THIS IS A NONSENSICAL STATEMENT MADE BY DERANGED PEOPLE

Look at what PROGRAMMERs have been demanding your respect for, after all the led lights we put in their computers: (This is real COMPUTER SCIENCE, done by real COMPUTER SCIENTISTS)

FUNNY COLORED LETTERS (with a picture of syntax-highlighted code)
178 COMPILATION ERRORS????? (with a picture of compilation errors
A FAKE TEAPOT YOU CAN'T USE (with a picture of a 3d rendered teapot.

IF PROGRAMMING WAS REAL HOW COME NOBODY THOUGH IN DOING while(true{print(money);}

end transcript.

top 45 comments

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[–] [email protected] 7 points 2 hours ago (1 children)

Science? There's science behind the clusterfuck we call software nowadays?

[–] [email protected] 3 points 2 hours ago (1 children)

Vaguely.

[–] [email protected] 1 points 1 minute ago

Misinterpreted, abused, generally mistreated, ignored and disrespected.

[–] [email protected] 20 points 12 hours ago

while 1 print money

Central banks obfuscate this code a bit, but its all about having the right printer hooked up.

[–] [email protected] 22 points 13 hours ago (2 children)

Ok but that is actually a nonsensical statement. In no case will using threads and recursion reduce cpu usage

[–] [email protected] 8 points 9 hours ago

Oh I can use threads and recursion to stop CPU usage.

[–] [email protected] 5 points 13 hours ago (1 children)

Maybe if the threads pause a lot, and pause even more as the stack unwinds to the final exciting conclusion.

[–] [email protected] 4 points 12 hours ago

I suppose that's true. And also deranged to do it on purpose

[–] [email protected] 15 points 13 hours ago* (last edited 13 hours ago) (1 children)

I mean, the entirety of Steam's code could maybe be described as an obfuscated version of

while(true){ print(money); }

[–] [email protected] 10 points 13 hours ago (1 children)

Twitter is just a wrapper around a database.

[–] [email protected] 3 points 13 hours ago

[–] [email protected] 49 points 18 hours ago (2 children)

Why are you trying to write python? Just get one from the pet shop!

[–] [email protected] 3 points 9 hours ago

Don't understand why it takes people so long anyways, took me like 5 seconds to write it.

[–] [email protected] 18 points 15 hours ago (1 children)

Rust is even easier, you probably have some you aren't even using. Check in the bikeshed.

[–] [email protected] 4 points 12 hours ago

Why are you writing Rust? Do you want to get tetanus?

[–] [email protected] 41 points 18 hours ago (1 children)

A client with s very low budget wanted a solution for their filing. We suggested they could get more bang for their bucks with preprinted paper forms, pens and a cabinet than going for software. They were not amused.

[–] [email protected] 9 points 15 hours ago

and if they want to go fancy and cheap, suggest excel.

[–] [email protected] 11 points 14 hours ago (1 children)

using threads to reduce cpu usage ? in what world ? if you can parallelize tasks you will always increase the workload done.

[–] sus 14 points 14 hours ago

they said optimize CPU usage, not reduce CPU usage. clearly they actually want to increase CPU utilization in this mysterious "0.02%" situation in order to get the results faster

[–] nullPointer 32 points 18 hours ago* (last edited 18 hours ago) (2 children)

I just tell people that I am a "professional button pusher"

[–] [email protected] 25 points 17 hours ago (1 children)

Knowing which buttons to push is the valuable part though.

[–] ulterno 13 points 15 hours ago

That's what diffs a professional button pusher from an amateur button pusher.
When you know which buttons in which order get you money, you become a professional.

[–] [email protected] 11 points 15 hours ago

I dont know where I heard this story but it was something like the following:

In a company a very valuable machine breaks and becomes inoperable, so they call the support. They send a mechanic to fix the machine. The mechanic arrives inspects the machine, opens it, presses a button and it works as if nothing happened. The manager then asks why he is paying the mechanic just to press a button. The mechanic answers "you aren't paying me for pressing the button, but for knowing which button to press".

[–] [email protected] 15 points 18 hours ago* (last edited 18 hours ago) (1 children)

We need more funding for RGB lit components for our programmers since this will make them better programmers

[–] ulterno 4 points 15 hours ago

I am able to get components with unwanted lighting all over the place, but none where lighting is desirable.

Didn't ask for lighting in my fans, got them.
Didn't ask for lighting on my motherboard, got it.
Didn't ask to a blinding light in the power indicator of my monitor, which is brighter than the screen itself. Had to tape it up.
Took a real while to find a cabinet without glass/acrylic stuff, because that's all people sell nowadays.
Asked for a good backlit keyboard for a reasonable price. I had to make cutouts out of glow-in-the-dark stickers.
- RGB everywhere by default, but getting even a single coloured backlight on a keyboard ramps up the price like anything.

[–] Scoopta 8 points 16 hours ago (3 children)

"Write it in a paper"...I'm not sure how that works but I am very curious

[–] [email protected] 9 points 16 hours ago

Write so hard out of anger that you rip the paper.

[–] [email protected] 2 points 12 hours ago

Just use a printer! It’s in the name!!!

[–] [email protected] 2 points 13 hours ago

If you go back far enough, you'd be coding the ENIAC via punchcards.

... Or maybe today you could write code on paper and have an AI augmented OCR system try to run it?

[–] [email protected] 12 points 18 hours ago

Yeah it's all propaganda, I like bashing a keyboard's keys due to sexual reasons.

[–] ertai 6 points 15 hours ago* (last edited 15 hours ago)

Honestly I'm disappointed. The reasons exposed here are much too weak.

[–] [email protected] 11 points 18 hours ago (6 children)

What's the teapot?

[–] [email protected] 20 points 18 hours ago

Its a traditional shape you try to recreate in algorithmic 3d graphics

[–] [email protected] 19 points 18 hours ago (1 children)

HTTP 418

[–] [email protected] 6 points 17 hours ago

I'm a t... I'm BATMAN.

[–] [email protected] 17 points 18 hours ago* (last edited 18 hours ago)

A standard reference model in 3d modeling.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Utah_teapot

[–] [email protected] 6 points 17 hours ago

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Utah_teapot

[–] [email protected] 6 points 18 hours ago

Almost certainly HTTP 418:

https://developer.mozilla.org/en-US/docs/Web/HTTP/Status/418

[–] Tja 3 points 17 hours ago

It's a device to brew tea in.

[–] [email protected] 9 points 18 hours ago (1 children)

:) + Bitcoin mining :
while(true{print(money);}

[–] Tja 10 points 17 hours ago (1 children)

There's like 2 syntax errors in this one liner.

[–] [email protected] 5 points 15 hours ago

🤣, welcome {( to ] ] !programmer_humor

[–] [email protected] 9 points 18 hours ago

Weimar Republic thought of exactly that

[–] [email protected] 8 points 18 hours ago (1 children)

Developer here: can confirm. (#4 is actually true.)

[–] [email protected] 9 points 18 hours ago

Indeed, anytime I optimize code, it ends up taking more CPU to run.