this post was submitted on 13 Aug 2023
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Not The Onion

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[–] [email protected] 180 points 1 year ago (1 children)

That's the hardest working "or" I've ever seen.

[–] [email protected] 10 points 1 year ago

Lmaooo. This got a genuine belly laugh out of me

[–] [email protected] 82 points 1 year ago (1 children)

At first it sounds like a helluva coin toss but in the end you end up with a stiff.

[–] [email protected] 47 points 1 year ago (1 children)

I hope you get to choose. One outcome seems better than the other.

[–] [email protected] 25 points 1 year ago (2 children)

I mean, the outcomes are not mutually exclusive.

[–] [email protected] 9 points 1 year ago (1 children)

Ah this is what happened to that old man in the first clerks movie

[–] [email protected] 3 points 1 year ago

One of the best movies ever. So New Jersey.

[–] [email protected] 2 points 1 year ago

Death by snu snu?

[–] [email protected] 39 points 1 year ago (1 children)

"I'm here to give out erections and death... and I'm all out of erections!"

[–] [email protected] 1 points 1 year ago

I've got just the one. You can borrow it, in pulses

[–] [email protected] 38 points 1 year ago (2 children)

So what is it, like 50/50?

[–] [email protected] 16 points 1 year ago

The question is, is it an exclusive or?

[–] artofcode 5 points 1 year ago

Those are odds I can work with

[–] [email protected] 32 points 1 year ago* (last edited 1 year ago) (2 children)

“the erection is a side effect that everybody who gets stung by this spider will experience along with the pain and discomfort”

🤷‍♀️

[–] [email protected] 16 points 1 year ago (2 children)

Imagine being a women... Do they get erections as well?

[–] [email protected] 31 points 1 year ago

What part of "everybody" wasn't clear here?

[–] [email protected] 27 points 1 year ago

Actually yeah, the clitoris.

[–] [email protected] 3 points 1 year ago (1 children)

how are masochists not breeding these things!

[–] [email protected] 3 points 1 year ago

people eat ghost peppers. I wouldn't be surprised if someone tried this.

[–] [email protected] 31 points 1 year ago* (last edited 1 year ago) (2 children)

So... As an American do i have to order these online from Canada if I don't have a script?

[–] [email protected] 23 points 1 year ago

No no it's female reproductive rights we limit in this country

[–] [email protected] 4 points 1 year ago

Yes, but our insurance won't cover it and calling or visiting a site to a inquire will cost $5500.

[–] [email protected] 23 points 1 year ago

Tried to kill myself like this once but the spider kept stiffing me.

[–] [email protected] 17 points 1 year ago

It'll reopen after "comprehensive cleaning and disinfecting" in about a week... That's pretty quick for rebuilding a burnt down supermarket.

Though in all seriousness, I can't tell if the evacuation was an overreaction or if the decision to reopen after just cleaning and disinfecting is sweeping this under the rug. Seems to me like either they should have just warned customers there was a very venomous spider somewhere on the loose or made sure they caught/killed the spider before reopening. It's like they are treating a spider like covid back when we didn't understand how it transmitted.

Unless they are leaving the "we filled the supermarket with deadly poison to kill it" part out, which then makes the cleaning before reopening make sense.

[–] [email protected] 17 points 1 year ago* (last edited 1 year ago)

Dead boner in Aisle 6, in Aisle 6!

[–] [email protected] 15 points 1 year ago (2 children)

Women who get bit: Guess I'll die 🤷‍♀️

[–] [email protected] 22 points 1 year ago

"the erection is a side effect that everybody who gets stung by this spider will experience"
From the article, no escape women

[–] [email protected] 17 points 1 year ago (1 children)

Never heard of clitoris erections? The clitoris is just a tiny penis

[–] [email protected] 21 points 1 year ago (1 children)

The penis is just a big clitoris.

[–] [email protected] 7 points 1 year ago (1 children)
[–] victron 14 points 1 year ago (1 children)

I'm not clicking that shit, thank you.

[–] [email protected] 9 points 1 year ago (1 children)

It's just a Wikipedia link OwO

[–] [email protected] 5 points 1 year ago (1 children)

Adding the extra spice with OwO

[–] [email protected] 4 points 1 year ago

I am simply stating the trUwUth

[–] [email protected] 10 points 1 year ago (1 children)

By the time the fire brigade arrived at the store, the spider was nowhere to be seen, local media reported.

The fire brigade. I imagine them busting in. “Nobody move! It’s possible you may get an erection!”

[–] [email protected] 3 points 1 year ago

Penis inspection day is now today!

I know none of you had time to prepare, as is your normal right, but get those dick out now

[–] [email protected] 8 points 1 year ago

What a toss up of extremes

[–] [email protected] 5 points 1 year ago

The spider is described as a small blue diamond and is often accompanied by older men.

[–] [email protected] 4 points 1 year ago

~~cake~~ erection or death

[–] nieceandtows 4 points 1 year ago (1 children)

Delectable tea, or deadly poison?

[–] [email protected] 2 points 1 year ago

I understood that reference.

[–] [email protected] 3 points 1 year ago (1 children)
[–] [email protected] 2 points 1 year ago

It’s a W either way

[–] [email protected] 3 points 1 year ago (1 children)

Confirmed banana spider.

Obligatory Jibbers Crabst https://youtu.be/ZZ_BtZ-5O60

[–] [email protected] 7 points 1 year ago

There are way too many species that are called banana spiders. That looks absolutely nothing like the banana spiders we had where I used to live (which were harmless).

[–] [email protected] 1 points 1 year ago

Death Boner Live

[–] [email protected] 1 points 1 year ago

I think death or erections are side effects of what the spiders bite actually does