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We've been getting some weird posts lately that... Well, they're not making me think it's gotta be an Onion headline, that's for sure.

So just a little refresher. Posts should be:

  1. Links to news stories from…
  2. …credible sources, with…
  3. …their original headlines, that…
  4. …would make people who see the headline think, “That has got to be a story from The Onion, America’s Finest News Source.”

If it's not Onion-y, it doesn't belong here. Bizarre, horrific, and violent news can be here if the headline reads like something out of The Onion, but if it doesn't, it's going away. And if there's too much non-Onion-like content from an account, that account is going away, too.

If you're not sure whether the real news headline you've found is like The Onion, here's a few sample Onion headlines from today:

  • "Visiting Friend Pleasantly Surprised By City’s Open Hostility Toward Homeless People"
  • "Increasingly Powerful Trans Person Capable Of Using Every Single Bathroom At Once"
  • "Man Feels Like Bystanders Are Arguing For Him To Put Gun Down In Bad Faith"
  • "Wally The Emotional Support Alligator Went To See The Phillies"
  • ‘New York Times’ Issues Apology For Reporting Palestinian Deaths

See? Find headlines from real news outlets that remind you of headlines like those. And just to prove my point: One of them is real.

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Does anyone here even know what a prisoner is?

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This might beat OpenAI

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cross-posted from: https://lemmy.world/post/15976653

Man with suspended license appears in Michigan court over Zoom while driving

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Yes, this article is from 2024

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Judge stunned when man with suspended license joins court Zoom call while driving.

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cross-posted from: https://lemmy.world/post/15940107

Dennis Falaschi charged in multi-million dollar scheme as records show he wasn’t only one to take water from California’s farm region

A former California water official has pleaded guilty to conspiring to steal water in a deal with federal prosecutors in the state’s crop-rich central valley.

The Los Angeles Times reports Tuesday that 78-year-old Dennis Falaschi, who used to head the Panoche water district, entered the plea in federal court in Fresno. He also pleaded guilty to filing a false tax return.

Falaschi was accused in a case that alleged that more than $25m in water was stolen over two decades when it was siphoned from a federal irrigation canal through a secret pipe and sold to farmers and other water districts. The Panoche water district supplies irrigation for farmland in Fresno and Merced counties – much of it from the federal Delta-Mendota canal.

Authorities said in court documents that Falaschi wasn’t the only one taking water, but did not specify who else was involved. They estimated Falaschi stole less than $3.5m in water, a small portion of what they initially alleged had been stolen.

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Thirteen counties in Oregon have voted in favor of measures to begin negotiations on seceding from the state and joining neighboring Idaho.

The latest county to endorse the initiative was Crook County, where voters approved the “Greater Idaho Measure” on Tuesday. The proposal aims to move Oregon’s border approximately 200 miles to the west, which would place 14 counties and several partial counties under Idaho’s jurisdiction.

“The Oregon/Idaho line was established 163 years ago and is now outdated,” the movement’s website says. “It makes no sense in its current location because it doesn’t match the location of the cultural divide in Oregon.”

The organizers of the Greater Idaho movement argue that residents in eastern Oregon feel increasingly alienated by the state’s progressive policies, which they say contribute to high crime rates. Their website says becoming part of Idaho would offer lower taxes and improved representation and governance for the communities.

“We want an economy that is not held back by Oregon regulations and taxes, including environmental regulations,” Greater Idaho executive director Matt McCaw, said, according to the Daily Mail. “We’ll still have federal and Idaho regulations, and that’s plenty. Idaho knows how to respect rural counties and their livelihoods.”

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Not The Onion

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Welcome

We're not The Onion! Not affiliated with them in any way! Not operated by them in any way! All the news here is real!

The Rules

Posts must be:

  1. Links to news stories from...
  2. ...credible sources, with...
  3. ...their original headlines, that...
  4. ...would make people who see the headline think, “That has got to be a story from The Onion, America’s Finest News Source.”

Comments must abide by the server rules for Lemmy.world and generally abstain from trollish, bigoted, or otherwise disruptive behavior that makes this community less fun for everyone.

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