this post was submitted on 26 Jun 2024
737 points (94.9% liked)

Greentext

4415 readers
1132 users here now

This is a place to share greentexts and witness the confounding life of Anon. If you're new to the Greentext community, think of it as a sort of zoo with Anon as the main attraction.

Be warned:

If you find yourself getting angry (or god forbid, agreeing) with something Anon has said, you might be doing it wrong.

founded 1 year ago
MODERATORS
 
top 50 comments
sorted by: hot top controversial new old
[–] [email protected] 222 points 4 months ago (2 children)

I mean, that's probably not gonna get the girl, but I think you taught her dad a little humility

[–] [email protected] 136 points 4 months ago (2 children)

Ideally sure, but I don't think the kinda guy that does that is big on learnin'

[–] [email protected] 21 points 4 months ago (4 children)

On the contrary: guys like that are big on fear. That's at the root of conservatism and toxic masculinity: fear of losing one's life, one's property, one's place in the social hierarchy.

When he saw another gun come out, he felt fear. Nothing teaches you better than that.

load more comments (4 replies)
load more comments (1 replies)
[–] [email protected] 45 points 4 months ago (19 children)

Starts talking about his own custom 1911 "First of all, the feeding ramp is polished to a mirror sheen. It's not going to have any feeding problems. The slide's been replaced with a reinforced version, and it meshes perfectly with the frame. The frame itself has been iron-welded and scraped down multiple times for maximum precision. The front strap part of the frame has been checkered to make it dig into the hand. That prevents any slipping. The sight system's original too. It's a 3-dot type. It's got an enlarged front sight, giving it superior target sighting capability. The regular hammer's been replaced with a ring hammer. That enhances the cocking control and increases the hammer-down speed. They also reworked the grip safety to accommodate the ring hammer. It looks like they eliminated it altogether. This is a tool for pros. The thumb safety and slide stop are extended for precise handling. The base of the trigger guard is whittled down so you can use a high grip, and the trigger itself is a long type for easy finger access. The trigger pull is about 3.5 pounds. that's about a pound and a half lighter than normal. The magazine well has been widened to make it easier to put in a new magazine. The magazine catch button has been filed down low to make it harder to hit it by mistake. The mainspring housing has been changed to a flat type to increase grip, and it's even been fitted with stepping so that it won't slip from the recoil when firing. On top of that, they added cocking serrations to the top part of the slide. That lets you load and eject cartridges faster in an emergency. Whoever did this is a professional, no question. This thing could shoot a one-hole at 25 yards in a machine rest."

load more comments (19 replies)
[–] [email protected] 151 points 4 months ago (4 children)

0% chance of this being real, but that was a fun read

[–] [email protected] 71 points 4 months ago (6 children)

It's wholly realistic, where I live, autism or not!

[–] [email protected] 45 points 4 months ago (3 children)

autism or not!

Lmaoà, I thought 'tism was patriotism at first because guns + patriots unoe? Autism makes more sense.

load more comments (3 replies)
load more comments (5 replies)
load more comments (3 replies)
[–] [email protected] 133 points 4 months ago (1 children)

oh god. my first girlfriend's dad showed me his gun collection the first time I visited the house and I got so absorbed in field stripping his MAK-90 that I forgot she was there

[–] [email protected] 69 points 4 months ago (1 children)

You passed the test. Hope you and your wife had a good honeymoon.

[–] [email protected] 78 points 4 months ago

What wife? He's her step-dad now. That'd be ridiculous.

[–] [email protected] 103 points 4 months ago (9 children)

I mean yeah, funny greentext, fake and gay and all, but is that an actual thing that happens across the big pond?

If someone did that in Europe they'd be in serious legal trouble if the threatened party sues.

[–] [email protected] 75 points 4 months ago* (last edited 4 months ago) (1 children)

Sounds legal overall for America. "Brandishing" is generally illegal, i.e pulling out your gun and pointing it at or actively threatening someone with it, regardless if you fire it.

Pulling out your legal gun in your home and setting it flat on your table? Hard to argue it was a threatening without a stated threat or some other action. It may have been one, but id be suprised if anyone would arrest someone over that.

OP pulling his own gun does make this a hilarious and potentially deadly situation. It's very possible the father is a scared pissbaby and just starts blasting.

[–] [email protected] 28 points 4 months ago (1 children)

Yeah, I was gonna say we're past the point of legality being the biggest concern in that situation.

load more comments (1 replies)
[–] [email protected] 25 points 4 months ago* (last edited 4 months ago) (18 children)

So, what do we Europeans whip out and place on the coffee table to make a statement?

[–] [email protected] 46 points 4 months ago (1 children)
[–] [email protected] 34 points 4 months ago (4 children)
load more comments (4 replies)
load more comments (16 replies)
[–] [email protected] 22 points 4 months ago

Never had someone point a gun at me like that, but I dated a girl in college that had a dickhead 2nd amendment gun nut dad who never missed an opportunity to mention he had guns and wasn't afraid to use them if I "didn't take good care of his daughter." It didn't intimidate me in the slightest though, and just let me know he was a scared, insecure loser.

[–] [email protected] 19 points 4 months ago* (last edited 4 months ago) (1 children)

I had just finished my range day and I had my guns stripped for cleaning when my step daughter dropped of my son for his weekend visit with her boyfriend.

I wasn't trying to flex or anything, but I did find it funny. Luckily she married a different guy after college.

[–] [email protected] 36 points 4 months ago (1 children)

"Step daughter dropped of my son" has a real Alabama vibe.

[–] [email protected] 28 points 4 months ago* (last edited 4 months ago) (8 children)

I literally don't understand the relationships in his comment. I simply can't get my head around it

load more comments (8 replies)
load more comments (5 replies)
[–] [email protected] 100 points 4 months ago (1 children)
[–] [email protected] 33 points 4 months ago (6 children)

Thanks for sharing the rest of the post. But I'm confused about who is speaking what during the last three lines after "even on our dates".

[–] [email protected] 35 points 4 months ago* (last edited 4 months ago)

GF: "Did you always have a gun?"

Anon: "I always carry"

GF: "Even on our dates? Did you think I was gonna rob you or something?"

Anon: "Muggers don't wait until it's convienient for you to get robbed, you know?"

GF: "Oh that makes sense."

load more comments (5 replies)
[–] [email protected] 87 points 4 months ago (3 children)

Tbh i dont understand this. Probably because im european plus im tired but i cant figure it out.

[–] [email protected] 175 points 4 months ago (11 children)

Dad shows a gun to show OP he's a badass. Op doesn't realize and shows his gun.

Common American culture is that you're supposed to show your gun on the third date with the family, not the first. You're also supposed to have a Mexican standoff when you walk into the house, with dad aiming at you, you're aiming at dad, dog aims at GF, etc. And if he's lucky, they have a rousing game of Russian roulette before tapas.

Totally understandable if you didn't know. Just basic 2A knowledge every American learns about during elementary school.

[–] [email protected] 76 points 4 months ago (3 children)

Thanks for explaining the culture, they never show real America in the movies

load more comments (3 replies)
[–] [email protected] 46 points 4 months ago (1 children)

I guess this is where the concept of the "nuclear family" comes from then? After the initial courtship hostilities, the escalation of the arms race is inevitable.

load more comments (1 replies)
[–] [email protected] 33 points 4 months ago

dad aiming at you, you're aiming at dad, dog aims at GF, etc.

The Aristocrats!

load more comments (8 replies)
[–] [email protected] 58 points 4 months ago (2 children)

To give you a slightly more serious answer, there's a trope in America of the girl friend's dad doing something to "subtly intimidate" the boy friend by casually cleaning a gun or having one within sight the first time they meet. The implication of course is supposed to be something along the lines of "I've got this and if you try anything funny with my daughter, I'll use it on you"

It's dumb but I've also known more than a few people who have experienced this first hand.

[–] [email protected] 20 points 4 months ago

It gives say-no-to-me-or-any-other-male-in-my-fam-and-we’ll-dump-acid-on-you vibes

load more comments (1 replies)
[–] [email protected] 36 points 4 months ago

It's a thing that basic dickhead fathers look forward to doing; threatening their daughter's boyfriend in case he ever thinks he and his girlfriend might ever want to have sex.

[–] [email protected] 65 points 4 months ago (1 children)

Repost + it's missing the rest of the joke at the end.

[–] [email protected] 21 points 4 months ago (1 children)

What is the part that is missing about?

[–] [email protected] 60 points 4 months ago (1 children)

The boyfriend interpreted as a bonding moment.

The father meant his placing the gun as a threat and got "called" on his bluff and gets angry.

[–] [email protected] 26 points 4 months ago (1 children)

I mean I kinda understand the threat and bonding mismatch from what we have. The part where he gets angry is missing.

load more comments (1 replies)
[–] [email protected] 53 points 4 months ago

Hell, that could work fine. At least there's one big button issue they would agree on for sure.

[–] peyotecosmico 46 points 4 months ago (3 children)

Is this an euphemism of both putting their penis out on the table?

load more comments (3 replies)
[–] [email protected] 46 points 4 months ago* (last edited 4 months ago) (4 children)

I am pretty sure I am not allowed to pull out and place even an airsoft gun on the table where I live. The rules clearly state that it must be kept locked in a safe. That would be an easy way to get someone's license revoked if you record it...

[–] [email protected] 29 points 4 months ago

Welcome to America

[–] [email protected] 27 points 4 months ago (5 children)
load more comments (5 replies)
[–] [email protected] 22 points 4 months ago (3 children)

I don't think this is legal basically anywhere. In the US, this would be brandishing or threatening with a deadly weapon.

[–] [email protected] 42 points 4 months ago (4 children)

It’d be hard to prove brandishing. As another poster said, it’s a legal weapon, in the homeowners abode, placed on the table, not pointed at or waived at the person, with nothing said around it. It’d be really hard to prove anything. He’ll, look at the white couple that was literally brandishing their guns and they almost got away with it.

load more comments (4 replies)
[–] [email protected] 24 points 4 months ago* (last edited 4 months ago) (4 children)

Yeah maybe. Doesn't seem to stop redneck fathers of teenage girls in conservative states. They consider it a rite of passage for fatherhood.

load more comments (4 replies)
load more comments (1 replies)
load more comments (1 replies)
[–] [email protected] 24 points 4 months ago (1 children)

Is that a "who has a bigger dick" competiton ?

load more comments (1 replies)
[–] [email protected] 20 points 4 months ago
[–] [email protected] 20 points 4 months ago

There's my daily literal lol. Thanks OP!

load more comments
view more: next ›