this post was submitted on 22 Dec 2024
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[–] [email protected] 123 points 3 days ago* (last edited 2 days ago) (6 children)

And then what happened?
That must be really hard for you.
Wow. You don’t deserve that.
How do you feel about it now?
Ugh. That sounds awful.
You’re handling this better than I would.
How do you even respond to that?
Tell me about it.
What can I do to help?
You’ve got this, but I’m here.

Edit: I wrote the above to illustrate how many options there are in the parlance of active listening. The formula is simple: imagine how they feel and join their side or, if you can’t yet imagine, ask questions until you can. That’s it.

[–] [email protected] 22 points 3 days ago (1 children)

Look at mister "I leave the basement twice a week" over here

[–] [email protected] 6 points 2 days ago

In the land of the ~~blind~~ awkward the ~~one eyed~~ I dunno less awkward I guess man is king

[–] [email protected] 28 points 3 days ago
[–] [email protected] 18 points 3 days ago* (last edited 3 days ago)

Thanks, man. I needed that.

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[–] [email protected] 50 points 3 days ago (3 children)

"Frankly, you brought this all on yourself" usually resolves it quickly, in my experience.

[–] [email protected] 12 points 3 days ago

Hello, we'd like to offer you a position as police chief in a neighborhood that will statistically have a school shooting soon.

[–] [email protected] 13 points 3 days ago

That sucks.

[–] [email protected] 6 points 3 days ago

Ah drawing aggro like a true tank.

[–] [email protected] 11 points 2 days ago (1 children)
[–] [email protected] 3 points 2 days ago

Thanks zuko

[–] [email protected] 55 points 3 days ago (5 children)
[–] [email protected] 29 points 3 days ago (4 children)

This is slowly being replaced by 👍ing or ❤️‍ing the message. No actual words needed.

[–] [email protected] 2 points 2 days ago
[–] [email protected] 9 points 3 days ago
[–] [email protected] 6 points 3 days ago* (last edited 3 days ago)

I find that the variety of emotes people have available on discord say more than I probably would half-ass with words. At least with memes, if I'm having a conversation I will not be using emotes.

[–] [email protected] 20 points 3 days ago (1 children)
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[–] [email protected] 8 points 3 days ago

Haha so true!

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[–] [email protected] 53 points 3 days ago (2 children)

That sucks. Definitely push the last one. This happened to me one time in band camp

[–] [email protected] 12 points 3 days ago

That sucks but this reminds me of...

...and that's how I became king of the pirates, well anyways you should invest into my NFT cryptoAI trust me bro this gonna go to the moon!

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[–] [email protected] 16 points 3 days ago (1 children)

"Its not that bad stop being a pussy" Works 30% of the time everytime.

[–] [email protected] 8 points 2 days ago

Pussies are pretty tough though. Balls on the other hand ... too warm, too cold, don't touch me, you'll hurt me. :)

[–] [email protected] 32 points 3 days ago (2 children)

"That's rough, buddy" is my goto.

[–] [email protected] 19 points 3 days ago

"my first girlfriend turned into the moon"

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[–] [email protected] 7 points 2 days ago

“What can I do to help?”

[–] [email protected] 10 points 2 days ago (1 children)

“I can’t say I would’ve known what to do, had I been in your position.”

“I can only imagine what that must have been like for you, which understandably likely isn’t of much consolation to you.”

“It would be disingenuous of me to presume to know what it was like for you to have experienced what you endured, but I am happy to listen to what you have to say, if you wish to tell me.”

[–] [email protected] 5 points 2 days ago (1 children)
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[–] [email protected] 4 points 2 days ago* (last edited 2 days ago) (1 children)

"I'm sorry for your loss. Move on."

"It's not like you've lost a pen, is it? It's so much worse... Would you like a pen? I have a spare one. ...Please take it."

[–] [email protected] 2 points 2 days ago

I'm so sorry, here, it's Cradle of Filth. It got me through some pretty bleak times.

[–] [email protected] 6 points 2 days ago (2 children)

"Cool story bro, did I ever tell you about that time I took an arrow to the knee?..."

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[–] [email protected] 3 points 2 days ago

All of them, this is a QuickTime event. You have to feel out what they're looking for. You have to hit the buttons in order and with the right timing

First - that sucks. Show empathy and active listening, see if they have more to say. Let them get it out

Next - you have to decide, are they more upset, or more stressed

Upset - story time, show sympathy. Keep it light on the details, and don't try to draw comparisons - keep it at the emotional level.
Then advice time - again, keep it brief and vague

Stressed - advice, lay out options rapid fire and see if they latch onto any. If they don't, story time - tell them about similar situations, without drawing emotional comparisons, where you got past it more easily than expected

[–] [email protected] 8 points 3 days ago

4: "I can help you hide the body if you want."

[–] [email protected] 6 points 2 days ago (1 children)

"Stop trauma dumping on me, do I look like a licensed therapist?"

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[–] [email protected] 6 points 2 days ago

That sucks.

[–] [email protected] 12 points 3 days ago (2 children)

Or maybe ask what they need from you? Just a thought.

[–] [email protected] 16 points 3 days ago (2 children)

It works spectacularly well with people you're close to or on very good terms with.

If my other half is kicking off about something, a quick "hey listen, are you wanting help to fix this or are you wanting to vent like fuck to feel a bit better?"

It's rarely the former, though I'd be more than happy to help if it was. At least then I can let her rage out and decompress without throwing in unwanted suggestions.

Probably comes across as a bit blunt to people you don't know well though.

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[–] [email protected] 11 points 3 days ago

Empathize, "I can imagine how much that must have hurt, I'm sorry you had to deal with that"

[–] [email protected] 9 points 3 days ago* (last edited 3 days ago) (5 children)

There is a secret fourth option that requires the player to cancel the dialogue and just perform an action:

Give hug

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[–] [email protected] 4 points 2 days ago

I can't tell whether this is supposed to be advice on what to do or not. I can certainly see people getting upset at all of them for putting your feelings and perspective at the forefront however.

[–] [email protected] 4 points 2 days ago (7 children)

Tell a related story is best choice because it shows that you really feel what that person is coming through since you've came through similar situation yourself

[–] [email protected] 10 points 2 days ago (1 children)

that's what neurodivergent people do to show sympathy - very often unknowingly. folks sometimes think we do that to get the attention for ourselves, but it's just a long winded way of saying "i understand what you feel, you're not alone in your pain"

[–] [email protected] 2 points 2 days ago (1 children)

I learned this a few years ago and my mind was blown because I'm autistic and this is indeed my instinct. I have also found that neurodivergent people are more likely to respond positively to an anecdote.

Neurotypical people tend to react better to "reflective listening" — basically the "it sucks" button, but more expanded. Like if someone is venting about something, I might say "That sounds really frustrating", or similar. It feels like playing conversational ping pong where I'm not an active participant in the rally, but just reacting to my conversation partner's shots.

I don't tend to find reflective listening especially helpful if I'm the recipient of it (I cope with problems differently), so it blew my mind when I was trying to support a friend with these techniques and they ended the conversation by thanking me for the support, and they really needed that. It baffled me because I hadn't felt like I'd said anything really at all, besides just reflecting stuff back at them, which felt sort of like small talk but even more superficial. But nah, turns out that different people find different kinds of support helpful. The_More_You_Know.jpg

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