Ask Lemmy

I am going to come across like a condescending dick here, but real talk: Does Amazon have an EAP for access to counseling or therapy? If so, and you're not leveraging it already, I think you would benefit from doing so.

I agree with some of the sentiment you present in this thread, if not all aspects/means (the points about simplifying aspects of your life in general are well taken), but if you're not trolling even a little bit it sounds like you're suffering a lot.

Dang, this post needs a Fediverse equivalent to raisedbynarcissists.

You were raised by mindless people who constantly misused their time and money in ways that directly affected your daily life. Their anti-logical ways left you constantly neglected in some ways, despite the fact that they had the means to cover all your basic needs. This neglect was obvious to anyone who saw you day to day, but they blamed you because your family controlled many decisions that are normally left up to the kids.

That being said, you're not asking about "everyone" as your title says, you're asking about your family. Also, their words are complaining, but what they are doing is actually bragging. There is a high cultural value on being busy, and they've found ways to be VERY busy by having a literally insane way of life, with exhausting routines that are built around excess and waste.

Still, this is not a question for a broader audience, but a rant about one stubbornly insane family.

And the answer is, because they are more proud of their exhausting, difficult lives than you are proud of your planned, easy life.

edited to clarify and expand

I'm not entirely clear if this is a rhetorical question and you wanted to vent for a bit, or if you're genuinely looking for an answer?

If it's to vent, then I kinda understand. It sucks to see someone you love suffer. It sucks again when you think you found an answer and they tell you no. Each time you try again and get your answer rejected, the feeling gets worse and worse until you start blaming them for their own suffering. I've been on both sides of that.

They tell you to stay strong. That love and patience will change their minds eventually. On a level, it makes sense. If a problem has been persisting for decades, it's kinda unfair to think you can solve it overnight. It's likely the solution is also going to take years. But then you spend the time trying only to find more layers to the problem.

If you're looking for some kind of answer, then the best I can offer is it's Trauma. We all go through our own traumatic experiences. Events so bad it takes away a piece of us and leaves us scarred. Those scars change how we each approach or avoid situations. Not many people want to relive their traumatic experiences, even if it would lead to better lives.
Sorry if it's not the answer you're looking for.

A ton of automation and 'convenience' being sold is terribly thought out or makes life more complex than not having it.

Smart bulbs are way more work to set up than they are worth for me, a light switch works fine. Cruise control is nice, but lane assist drives me nuts with all the false positives. Generally the overwhelming number of chores comes from just having too many things in the first place.

Fewer, simpler operating things are more enjoyable for me than a lot of complex automated things that don't do what I want them to do.

All of you writing cogent arguments and being philosophical should step back and realize this whole thread is an unpaid advertisement for amazon subscription groceries written by someone who thinks they were saved by a job there.

I opened the thread thinking, "this has to be a bait post where the op just soapboxes about how much better at life they are than everyone else, and argues with literally everyone offering perspective" and I'm glad to see I was not wrong! Boy if your replies aren't some of the least self aware, most elitist stuff I've seen here so far.

I dunno man, why doesn't everyone with actual problems just ahh, buy an Android phone, learn how to program or do whatever the hell else you think everyone should be doing to just simply live the obviously better life that you have?

Oh wait, not everyone has the same opportunities as everyone else, and so not only may these options be unavailable to a lot of people, they may also be completely useless in solving someone's difficult life.

You sound like a Tech Bro in their early twenties who landed a sweet job out of college (that they didn't pay for) and wonders why people choose to be homeless. And before you try to correct me, that's what you sound like, so unless that's the persona you wanna give off, maybe try to listen to what people are saying instead of trying to find out how they're wrong.

Do you really think people with "difficult lives" are so stressed out because they forgot to take the garbage out multiple times? Seriously? Christ 😂

OP, someone with a different routine for chores is not "vehemently against an easier life" lmao.

What are you talking about? Do you think convenience is free?

The one thing that every human has in common is their ability to complain about anything, an alien race could come and solve every single problem on earth, with every single need want or desire fulfilled and we'd still complain.

We thrive on complaining, we need to complain.

Because all those nice-to-haves and conveniences in vehicles make it harder and more costly to repair.

Today a classmate showed me the mechanism for the gas door opener her company manufactures (assembles). It's a bunch of rods, a motor, a control board, springs, cables, etc, that run throughout the vehicle.

The fuel door on my '99 Cherokee?
A hinge and a spring.

This is obviously one small example but i feel that this example of over-engineering for very little benefit extrapolates well.

I don't know what you're referring to. Most people love conveniences and automation. There are extremely few cases i can think of where people choose the hard way instead of the easy way when the results are the same.

Name some specific examples of what you're talking about

I feel like OP is high during the whole process of making this post and replying to comments. This shit is funny af

Smooth, predictable operation requires forethought, planning, and willingness to stick to a process. It's not nearly as fun as living in the moment and improvising.

I don't think anyone is actually against having an easier life, but that it's a problem of not being able to see the forest for the trees.

Making the plan in the first place is difficult for a lot of people. Following the plan can be orders of magnitude more difficult, particularly if someone is entrenched in a routine.

My view is that the perceived difficulty of changing your life is greater than the perceived simpleness of the current process.

Maybe there is some brilliant way to automate my most tedious chores. But then I've got to spend cognitive power directed at a task I find tedious. It might be easier to do things the way they've always been done rather than to think and try out new processes which don't always work.

Life is pretty hard though, and you can't change everything. I don't know if that means you shouldn't try, but I understand someone's desire to keep their head down

Probably because in most cases, doing so requires a tradeoff of some sort. Hardware, design and planning, upkeep, data privacy and reliance on external factors/services etc.

So when it doesn't fit together and people don't even have any real source of help (not to mention enshittification) it should be no wonder that the existing way (or "live with it") is the only real option.

Also there is also the angle of some "easier" options that sound nice on paper but end up creating their own problems (or are just too expensive to be viable).

I don't think people are, but the major factor is cost here - both in money and time. Getting a maid, a nanny, a dog walker, paying extra for delivery, paying for apps, more expensive automation products (e.g., hue) etc. etc.

All of this costs money, and a lot of time to research & test. Not everyone has that.

Huh?

Automating labor without ensuring it doesn't impact people's ability to obtain needs and wants is objectively worse than them continuing to work

I've read the whole threads. I am interested in a brief, short summary of what you have automated. If I've read correctly, you hate going to the grocery, so this is automated? How? What else is automated?

We need to grind for a sense of pride and accomplishment.

This is a bit too vague for me, but I think some of what you mention sounds like inconvenience now for future convenience. For safety plan example, it's mildly inconvenient for me to get my kit together (I live in an earthquake-heavy area and just outside the tsunami hazard zone), know locations and routes, etc. but you'd best believe that it's better to pay that inconvenience now than flap if I do have to evacuate. I think timescales are important to think of (kinda like the RoI of your actions).

I hate automation to the point of being a Ludite. We're chasing our own tails. Every new luxury becomes a necessity we can't do without and we become enslaved

I like cooking, I like gardening. Husband likes washing the cars. Sure I like convenience - live about a mile from work so can easily get there without a car, have a Roomba, hire for biweekly cleaning so we can have weekends. But some sorts of activities you think of as inconveniences may be stuff other people enjoy doing.

Is your planning theoretical at this point? Your responses sound like you haven't actually implemented these plans.