this post was submitted on 09 Apr 2024
801 points (99.9% liked)

Lemmy Shitpost

26305 readers
9 users here now

Welcome to Lemmy Shitpost. Here you can shitpost to your hearts content.

Anything and everything goes. Memes, Jokes, Vents and Banter. Though we still have to comply with lemmy.world instance rules. So behave!


Rules:

1. Be Respectful


Refrain from using harmful language pertaining to a protected characteristic: e.g. race, gender, sexuality, disability or religion.

Refrain from being argumentative when responding or commenting to posts/replies. Personal attacks are not welcome here.

...


2. No Illegal Content


Content that violates the law. Any post/comment found to be in breach of common law will be removed and given to the authorities if required.

That means:

-No promoting violence/threats against any individuals

-No CSA content or Revenge Porn

-No sharing private/personal information (Doxxing)

...


3. No Spam


Posting the same post, no matter the intent is against the rules.

-If you have posted content, please refrain from re-posting said content within this community.

-Do not spam posts with intent to harass, annoy, bully, advertise, scam or harm this community.

-No posting Scams/Advertisements/Phishing Links/IP Grabbers

-No Bots, Bots will be banned from the community.

...


4. No Porn/ExplicitContent


-Do not post explicit content. Lemmy.World is not the instance for NSFW content.

-Do not post Gore or Shock Content.

...


5. No Enciting Harassment,Brigading, Doxxing or Witch Hunts


-Do not Brigade other Communities

-No calls to action against other communities/users within Lemmy or outside of Lemmy.

-No Witch Hunts against users/communities.

-No content that harasses members within or outside of the community.

...


6. NSFW should be behind NSFW tags.


-Content that is NSFW should be behind NSFW tags.

-Content that might be distressing should be kept behind NSFW tags.

...

If you see content that is a breach of the rules, please flag and report the comment and a moderator will take action where they can.


Also check out:

Partnered Communities:

1.Memes

2.Lemmy Review

3.Mildly Infuriating

4.Lemmy Be Wholesome

5.No Stupid Questions

6.You Should Know

7.Comedy Heaven

8.Credible Defense

9.Ten Forward

10.LinuxMemes (Linux themed memes)


Reach out to

All communities included on the sidebar are to be made in compliance with the instance rules. Striker

founded 1 year ago
MODERATORS
 
top 50 comments
sorted by: hot top controversial new old
[–] [email protected] 67 points 7 months ago (1 children)
[–] [email protected] 25 points 7 months ago (2 children)

<2$ of large keyring is an option

[–] [email protected] 17 points 7 months ago (1 children)

Stealing a doormat is also an option.

[–] [email protected] 11 points 7 months ago (1 children)

That’s how you get a turd on your doorknob from a neighbor

[–] [email protected] 3 points 7 months ago (3 children)

So steal near a friends house.

load more comments (3 replies)
[–] [email protected] 3 points 7 months ago

Then $40 for sexy cargo pants to hold your giant keyring.

[–] [email protected] 44 points 7 months ago (3 children)

I think the real question here is wtf kind of crazy doorknob is that?!?!?

[–] [email protected] 31 points 7 months ago (3 children)

I’m betting this is less of a knob and more of an immobile handle.

[–] [email protected] 8 points 7 months ago

You'd be correct, my front door works similarly (minus the key-swallower under it).

[–] [email protected] 7 points 7 months ago (1 children)

That just makes this even more evil lol

load more comments (1 replies)
[–] [email protected] 2 points 7 months ago (2 children)

What's the difference? (Asking as a non-native English speaker)

[–] [email protected] 2 points 7 months ago* (last edited 7 months ago)

The key opens what is basically a deadbolt, and the only actual latch for the door.

The "knob" isn't so much a knob, but a stationary/fixed handle for pulling the door.

load more comments (1 replies)
[–] [email protected] 8 points 7 months ago

90° rotated robotic horse penis and it. Is. A. Fan. Of. Yoooohooouuuu!

[–] [email protected] 5 points 7 months ago

Small pistol grip, John woo style.

[–] [email protected] 40 points 7 months ago (1 children)

I'd keep the keys attached to a belt or wrists or something. If I lived there long enough, I'd even steal the lid and replace it with something finer...

[–] [email protected] 18 points 7 months ago (1 children)

It's fine the person in the picture is a pro that can hold the keys like a power puff girl

[–] [email protected] 4 points 7 months ago (1 children)

Wasn't there a scene where they discussed how weird their hands were?

[–] [email protected] 3 points 7 months ago (1 children)

I think when the professor got turned into one or something and couldn't pick things up

load more comments (1 replies)
[–] [email protected] 39 points 7 months ago (2 children)

I hate drain holes that appear to go all the way down to bedrock where you can feel heat coming from the earth below. Like it's the first chapter of Journey to the Center of the Earth.

[–] [email protected] 5 points 7 months ago

Guy in front of a no knock raid party gets to confirm the hollow earth theory for himself.

[–] [email protected] 2 points 7 months ago

Wherever he saw a hole he always wanted to know the depth of it. To him this was important.

[–] [email protected] 15 points 7 months ago* (last edited 7 months ago) (3 children)

Cheap pickset and learn to do it: priceless. No. 1 life skill.

[–] [email protected] 11 points 7 months ago

Lockpicklawyer alt account detected /jk

[–] [email protected] 11 points 7 months ago

Until you drop that down the grate too

[–] [email protected] 7 points 7 months ago (1 children)

At least where i live your regular home locks are secure enough that non-destructive entry requires specialized tools and close to LPL level skill. In my country there was once a serial burglar that could do that and for a long time police didnt even believe the that there even was any burglary.

[–] [email protected] 7 points 7 months ago (1 children)

You in one of those schmancy countries where everyone’s got them fucken assa abloys on their tool sheds?

[–] [email protected] 4 points 7 months ago (3 children)

Ye but the sheds have the worse assa abloys

load more comments (3 replies)
[–] [email protected] 14 points 7 months ago (1 children)

Seeing all these “just get a giant key chain” comments reminds me that Lemmy’s core user base is the software engineer who stores a giant keychain in his cargo shorts, along side a multitool and the world’s thickest wallet.

[–] [email protected] 5 points 7 months ago (1 children)

You mean it’s NOT an accurate random sample of reality?

[–] [email protected] 4 points 7 months ago

Wait. Everyone isn’t running Linux on their daily driver?

[–] [email protected] 14 points 7 months ago (1 children)
load more comments (1 replies)
[–] [email protected] 11 points 7 months ago

Look... If you had... one shot... or one opportunity... To open every door you ever wanted... one moment... Would you capture it? Or just let it slip? Yo His palms are sweaty, knees weak, arms are heavy There's vomit on his sweater already, mom's spaghetti He's nervous, but on the surface he looks calm and ready to drops bombs, but he keeps on forgetting what he wrote down, the whole crowd goes so loud He opens his hands but the keys won't come out He's chokin, how? Everybody's jokin now The clock's run out, time's up, over - BLAOW!

[–] [email protected] 10 points 7 months ago

House owner: That's $499 for a new key.

[–] [email protected] 9 points 7 months ago (1 children)

Just use a keychain that is bigger that the grill pitch, any small trinket will do.

[–] [email protected] 4 points 7 months ago

But then you need to carry around a big keychain.

[–] [email protected] 9 points 7 months ago (3 children)

NO.

If anyone has a term for this specific phobia, please let me know

[–] [email protected] 4 points 7 months ago

llllkeyllllphobia. Makes about as much sense as some other phobia names!

[–] [email protected] 4 points 7 months ago

His palms are sweaty
Knees weak, arms are heavy...

load more comments (1 replies)
[–] [email protected] 8 points 7 months ago

This could make me carry around my keys on a retractable lanyard like a postal worker.

[–] [email protected] 8 points 7 months ago

My partners keys would be safe

[–] [email protected] 5 points 7 months ago (2 children)

You could just get a largish key chain accessory.

[–] [email protected] 3 points 7 months ago

this guy drops (his keys)

[–] [email protected] 3 points 7 months ago (1 children)

I think you'd be in gas-station-keyring territory to do the job reliably. How about a hubcap?

[–] [email protected] 3 points 7 months ago

I prefer those little plastic shovels.

[–] [email protected] 5 points 7 months ago

Folded beach towel is one and done

[–] [email protected] 4 points 7 months ago

Some window screen and zip ties would solve that problem.

[–] [email protected] 2 points 7 months ago (1 children)

If you had a basement that lead up to that drain you could put some mesh angled down, busy a hole into the the drain from your basement and if some stranger tries to grab your keys you can drop them inside.

[–] [email protected] 4 points 7 months ago

if some stranger tries to grab your keys you can drop them inside.

When it finally happens "HA, I've been waiting 49 years for this exact situation! they all said I crazy." Old man shouts at sky "I told you Grettle that I'd have a use for that hole someday!!!"

A few moments later "Now, how do I get to the basment with no key"

load more comments
view more: next ›