Melbourne

I have just realised how many things I haven't done or potentially won't do because they scare me.

With uni, sometimes I'm scared to try because I'm worried I'll fail, and at least if I fail without trying, I'd have some control over it. I'm scared of losing my relationship so I haven't advocated for my wants as much as I should be doing, and considered ending it. I will only do cardio at the gym if it's busy because I don't want to be around other people when I'm probably fucking up movements. I've always wanted to teach but I'm bloody scared to.

Today I'm saying fuck it. I'm going to try, even if that means I fail.

Apologies for last night, using this place as a vent for some of my trauma. I would hate to have triggered anyone, and I am sincerely sorry if I have.

The woes of waiting for a therapy appt, and being very, very friendless. I appreciate you who put up with my trauma-dumping, and I would not fault a single one of you who may block me.

I have spoken at length with mein liebe, he knows everything. But he not my caretaker, nor therapist, and neither is this place.

I will treat you better than I have.

This is going to be my last vape. Vaping is a hangover from my last bender, which lasted about 5 weeks. Easier to quit booze than nicotine, the craving for booze comes after the first drink but doesn't persist after I stop for long at all. Nicotine however is a different story. I have those lozenges to defeat the cravings and a plan to wean myself off them over a couple of weeks if I need to. 50 days sober today, so the end of vaping is how I'll celebrate this milestone.

Only walked 4ks at work, so need to do another 6 today and luckily the weather is pretty perfect for it.

August? Why?

How does gnocchi with cherry tomatoes, zucchini, bacon, garlic, parmesan in a cream sauce with garlic bread sound? Great. 6 o'clockish. Don't be late. Bring dessert.

Have a nice day everyone

My dinner

Image of a bowl with gnocchi, bacon and vegetables, in a delectable creamy sauce.

It was delicious. I love how the tomatoes go pop in my mouth :)

I have to keep a two week log for the council to do anything about the neighbour dog barking. Less than half a week in and I’m well on my way to filling out the first page. I left a friendly note (didn’t feel comfortable approaching in person) and they now seem to be leaving the dog outside longer & barking to spite me. What’s wrong with this psycho? If I received a note about my dog being a nuisance I would be mortified. It’s the dog that’s suffering at the end of the day. Going to try go bed earlier because come sunrise it starts up again.

5pm is log off and nap time.

Aircon installation in progress. Mr Woof is not happy. Miss Meow is indifferent.

Edit: Now they're drilling loudly on the roof. Miss Meow has ugraded to somewhere between alert/alarmed.

I'm such a dumbass. I only realised today that Nullarbor Plain is Null - Arbor (ie no trees). My brain never seperated out the two words before.

I can't say I've ever been particularly close to wanting to punch a robot before, but those FUCKING PHOTO MACHINES at Officeworks are absolutely useless. I just spent 5 minutes trying to get the damn thing to work, and I was going to print a fair few out. I selected about 100, and after 10 minutes it decided I wasn't there anymore. It didn't even ask me, it just assumed I left and cancelled it. Stupid machine

Day 6 completed. New steel caps feel awesome but my goodness are they heavy! Probably a leg and bun workout in themselves.

Im listening to the liked songs on the family playlist. My daughter's favourite song ATM is Mr Blue Sky by ELO. My son's is either Alter Bridge Metalingus (also my current listen) or Cult of Personality by Living Colour. Our playlist reads like a multi personality disorder!

Have a great day everyone! I'm off to make a truck ton of pizzas!

Is warm. Is good. 😁

I feel like there's a lot of coverage about the cost of living crisis but nobody is talking about how fish & chip places have had the absolute balls to start charging $2-$2.50 EACH for dim sims and potato cakes. I'd love to see some data on how they justify those prices because I suspect it's just one of those "oh.. everyone else seems to be increasing their prices so I will too.. yay money" scenarios. This stuff is meant to be a cheap feed. The world just keeps getting worse.

Sigh, I only get $93 from Centrelink and then next fortnight it's $0, I am le sad.

Getting left alone in the office is terrible for my productivity, I love it.

Arse blasting avoided for another month. Thank you kind RBA overlords.

All hail Lowe

All hail Lowe

They're still all twats though

Pumped for Oppenheimer at IMAX today! My body is ready to by visually and aurally confronted....maybe also physically judging from the feedback about how uncomfortable the seats are supposed to be :/

Going to continue the Keeley Hawes copverse and rewatch Spooks. I am very ready for cringey cheesy outdated tech speak, and the capabilities of a government agency blown way out of proportion.

Got an email from RMIT saying like "here are some alumnis things you can do" and one of them was study a postgrad degree. Decided to check it out and the graduate diploma and masters of the field I studied in both allows anyone to enter if you have had a minimum of 3 years in a related field OR completed a bach degree. I remember looking at the masters and it said you had to have a study score of something related to a HD, which I didn't have.

Might see how I go with work, but I kind of want to do it. Has anyone experienced studying and also working before? (And not working like hospo or retail)

Saw a guy dressed cross between a beatnik and that arty guy Otho from Beetlejuice. Cool.

It burns with the passion of one thousand stars
Then stabs with hate and leaves the scars
It brings us hope and shows us light
Then blinds our judgement with the night
It'll take us to our final hour
Draining us of our power

Watched War on Waste tonight and it’s criminal how much food is thrown out at farms because supermarkets deem it doesn’t fit size and aesthetics specification. Literally carrots dug out of the ground and thrown in a bin Immediately. Disappointing because it’s years after they exposed the same thing for bananas. It’s the whole food system. Nothing has changed.

Got tonight sorted sorta, found a bunch old movies to watch. ( yes I know I said I wasn't going to do movies mid week but these are real old oldies) then read a few pages of a book. 👍

I think the larger outdoor unit of my aircon just made it to the roof. There was much grunting involved, I presume it is pretty heavy.

Urgh, site supervision turned out to drag on much longer than I thought... Thank goodness I've arranged for cousincat to be fed tonight and tomorrow morning and can stay the night at mine, so I don't have to go through the hellscape that is the m1 in peak hour again dear lord. Left at 6:20am this morning and it still wasn't early enough 😭

Also, damn. The official CFMEU posters in the site office pretty er... Full on. 100% macho tuff guy vibes and even the F word - twice - once uncensored!

I'm at the point, again, of my regular re-watch of Star Trek:Voyager where as much as I consider Janeway a role model, I'm so bitterly disappointed that during filming Kate Mulgrew was absolutely horrible to Jeri Ryan and made her life very difficult on set.

Things are soo fucked on the Werribee Line, that V/Line has to run bus replacement trains to Wyndham Vale.

A Powercor line fell onto the tracks.