this post was submitted on 31 Jul 2023
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I have just realised how many things I haven't done or potentially won't do because they scare me.
With uni, sometimes I'm scared to try because I'm worried I'll fail, and at least if I fail without trying, I'd have some control over it. I'm scared of losing my relationship so I haven't advocated for my wants as much as I should be doing, and considered ending it. I will only do cardio at the gym if it's busy because I don't want to be around other people when I'm probably fucking up movements. I've always wanted to teach but I'm bloody scared to.
Today I'm saying fuck it. I'm going to try, even if that means I fail.
How do you know if you're good at something or enjoy doing something if you never give it a go? I say to you fuck it. Do it. You might like it.
You've probably heard all the motivational shit that gets peddled in such situations. One thing that has stuck with me over the years, is that the best songs are about failures. Very few decent songs about successes. Seems to me that failure is nothing to be afraid of - it's liberating and creative. And puts an end to that particular fear. You have already found out how crippling fear can be. Failure is nothing compared to that. Go forth and give whatever it is a reasonable shot.
I believe there is nothing more liberating than saying "fuck it" before doing something. Like you touched on, it's accepting what happens next, rather than not bothering because of the potential of failure. You've got this, man.
"Feel the fear and do it anyway" I think that is in some movie but it's what I tell myself.
One thing I've learned from transitioning is that as self concious as we are, most people are too busy with their own stuff and thoughts to even notice I'm wearing a wig and less then average make-up or indeed read my pronoun badge. It's fun when I'm definitely passing and someone apologises for assuming I'm female when they hear my voice. It's a bag of emotional stuff I carry around and there's fear associated with it, but I can't actually fail at being trans as much as other trans people try and make me feel like I am at times. I'd think I'd like to be able to pass effortlessly sometimes, but most of the time, I just make sure I'm being authentic to myself. What other people think of me is not really any of my business anyway.
Everything takes practise and we should aim for progress not perfection.