Programming

Asking whether you've tried $simpleSolution, why you did something, and what you were thinking is not toxic. They're trying to understand your reasoning and what your goal is. It's like debugging where you have to step through the code then get to the point where something went wrong.

It is entirely possible that there are some people who have trouble asking such questions in a tone that doesn't emit hostility, but it may be due to a lack of social skills or (of course) malice. The way forward here is not to assume malice but them feedback "hey, can i give some feedback on the session we're having? I came to you seeking for help, but the way you ask these questions makes me feel $emotion. Would it be alright if you used $wordOrTone when helping me out? It would really make me feel more at ease". Something like this.

If the interlocutor reacts negatively, it may be that they are also feeling attacked by your words. Feedback is not always received well. In these instances it's good to apologise, but stand firm that your feelings were hurt and you would just like to make a way forward where you both can work comfortably with each other.

This of course flies out the window if the co-worker is being a straight dick. "PFF, you didn't even think of doing something that simple?", " well that was a waste of time, you should've been able to do that yourself", and so. That straight up deserves a higher up getting involved. For more egregious actions and words, that spells HR involvement.

But to simply write of all the people as "That Guy" is not the way forward. It's prejudiced and can easily lead to generalisations.

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