GnomeKat

Please leave me alone

Thank you

~~You are the one who presumed to know what I do or don't actually want. Thank you for your attempt at kindness but it really didn't come off like that to me. I think its best to end this interaction here as its not going to be productive for either of us. Sorry.~~

Edit: oh i thought you were the person who I was responding too but you are not.. in that case please leave me alone, thankyou..

sometimes people will really fuckin hurt you and you won't ever get an apology

im trying very hard to quit smoking weed... i know it's not the same as nicotine addiction but it's still a struggle. I smoked weed almost every day for like 6 years or something.

its annoying cus like i will be reminded of it constantly, weed culture is everywhere, memes and shows and movies and books. I get reminded and i want it, I get the urge and its hard not to smoke a little. i will go days or weeks without any but then I will fuck up and smoke again and suddenly i will be smoking every day again for a few weeks.

edit: i wasn't asking for advice, i have a therapist I am working with please stop trying to give me advice its not what I want or need and I don't like it, it makes me super incredibly uncomfortable. Its not helping. Thank you

LGBT people can throw other LGBT people under the bus too, you are not exempt

Basically any and all compliments make me feel like shit, it's not a good quality of mine but its the truth

Before I transitioned being called handsome hurt, I didn't want that. Since I transitioned I have been called beautiful and sexy. I still feel bad, I don't believe them. It's odd because.. I can kinda see what they mean? Like I personally like how I look sooo much better now it's insane, but from other people it feels like a lie. Or else it makes me feel like I'm just an object to them, like an exotic sex thing, not a person.

I work as a gpu/graphics programmer, and people say I'm smart and talented. I never believe it, ever. When I was young I did not do well in school, like special ed classes. That early life experience is still internalized. It's why I push myself really hard at the detriment of my own health. I truly believe I am not a smart person despite recognizing why people think I am.

Last year I was diagnosed autistic with Persistent Demand Avoidance sub type. I have read online that PDA people often struggle with compliments. Its super fucked tbh, I can never feel good about any accomplishment, nothing is enough, and I feel unlovable.

Another person who is perfectly willing to throw LGBT people under the bus. We see you for what you are stop pretending moral superiority.

Can you elaborate on what "subpoenable information" means. Like I have a vague idea but im not super clear if thats like a legal term with special considerations or whatever. Elaboration would be helpful.

I feel similarly often, but I think it has started to push me towards growing out of spending so much time online. Lemmy definitely has not filled the same niche reddit did, in some ways it's better but I am often disappointed what I see here as well. Even things like youtube I have started to watch less lately. It all is just starting to feel like hyper processed slop, like what am I really getting out of this thing I feel attached to?

The only social I really still enjoy lately is mastodon and that's because it's possible to make real connections with people there, it's not about making viral posts that tons of people see. Though clearly I still visit lemmy, I find myself often wondering if it's worth it.

I feel better consuming less social media, feel healthier. I have read so many books over the last year, just last month I read 16 books though that is an outlier. Not just fiction too, though that is the vast majority, but also pure math books. Smoking a lot less weed, I use to smoke it every day, I was high every day for years and years but now im close to just giving it up completely I think. I have started to exercise and eat better too and I am more willing to just be alone with my thoughts. Sometimes its painful but I think its good for me.

I don't think it's all down to just less social media, but it has been helping for sure.

Part of me often feels like if I don't check social media im like doing something wrong, not participating in the world, like I /need/ to stay informed. But social media isn't going to save the world, i'm not actually helping anyone or anything by reading and commenting on posts. Its an illusion of participation, a honey pot that just sapps away my time and my mental health and doesn't give me the things I actually want like real human connection.

Alcohol, I just dont like the taste

I smoke weed occasionally but even that I have been trying to cut out cus I abused it for years