this post was submitted on 25 Jan 2024
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[–] [email protected] 50 points 9 months ago (2 children)

Hey, from an extroverted person, your friends don't think you're a bad friend, they know you find social stuff exhausting, they don't begrudge you, they're just happy to hear from you because they like you.

It's okay, do what you need to do. And, hey, sometimes I forget to reply and get back to it weeks later, too.

[–] [email protected] 11 points 9 months ago (2 children)

What about my parents, though?

[–] [email protected] 26 points 9 months ago* (last edited 9 months ago) (2 children)

No idea, I never get back to your parents either.

[–] [email protected] 2 points 9 months ago

I got you both on this one. Their parents are delightful. They told me to tell you that they'll take whatever they can get and love you regardless.

[–] [email protected] 2 points 9 months ago
[–] [email protected] 4 points 9 months ago (1 children)

Your parents also like me.

[–] [email protected] 3 points 9 months ago

Well, at least OP's mom does. 😉

[–] [email protected] -4 points 9 months ago (1 children)

Speak for yourself, if someone ghosts me like that twice, I'm quite done with them. I am an introvert and I take the time at least once a day to reply to all messages from people I care about. Which's like 3.

[–] [email protected] 13 points 9 months ago (1 children)

Maybe cut people some slack?

[–] [email protected] -3 points 9 months ago

I do! 1 slack only though.

To be fair, this only happened twice. I have friends who consistently take days to reply, that's totally fine with me. But if I send a message, couple weeks go by without a reply or the person initiating conversation, and then it happens again, that means that they don't care about talking to me, which's 100% their right 🤷‍♂️

If someone is going through a hard time, dealing with depression and whatnot, that's different, but also the exception.

[–] [email protected] 27 points 9 months ago (3 children)

Or social anxiety which is the special kind of purgatory where you constantly rethink about how you're going to reply but don't actually do it and the more time that passes the worse it gets...

[–] [email protected] 7 points 9 months ago

My goal is to greet everyone in the morning at my new job.

I'm liked well enough for my knowledge and how hard I work at my current position, but I was still shell shocked from quarantine when I started and avoided eye contact and conversation.

At this point I'm fairly certain everyone thinks I'm differently abled.

Maybe I am.

[–] [email protected] 7 points 9 months ago

"Ah, now I didn't reply for a full day, they must hate me now replying is too scary. But I really need to. I'll do it tomorrow, surely"

"Oh god now it's been two days I'm sure they will never want to talk to me ever again nope nope"

Repeat until I somehow manage eventually

[–] [email protected] 2 points 9 months ago

this is so energy consuming that it convinced me to make a habit of taking care of social chores as quickly as possible and live the rest of my time in peace.

[–] [email protected] 26 points 9 months ago (2 children)

This has nothing to do with introversion. This is social anxiety.

[–] [email protected] 2 points 9 months ago

Eh, I'm an introvert who isn't overly socially anxious, and I'll often ignore texts for a bit if I'm really not feeling up to doing whatever it is at the moment. But I usually get to it the next day or the one after. I don't like talking to people, but I don't feel very apprehensive about it either, I just find it draining and prefer to avoid it.

Usually I'll just say, "today isn't great for me, I'll get back to you." Then actually get back when I'm more interested in social interaction. I don't feel awkward about forgetting for a couple days, certainly not to the point of ghosting someone for weeks.

[–] [email protected] 0 points 9 months ago

Or a lack of social understanding.

[–] [email protected] 23 points 9 months ago (1 children)
[–] [email protected] 11 points 9 months ago (1 children)

yup.

i'll often ask them to call me later or next week or whatever. so i don't have to try to remember. because i probably won't.

[–] [email protected] 0 points 7 months ago

Me too

Just be like "hey call me later i'm "busy" rn"

[–] [email protected] 15 points 9 months ago (1 children)

No, because I don't have anymore friends because of exactly this. Self-solving problem on a long enough timescale.

[–] [email protected] 8 points 9 months ago (1 children)

I'm getting old and sometimes, only sometimes, i think i created other problems this way. I mean, when i get really, really old, it will be pretty lonesome and if i fall in the kitchen and need help, who you gonna call?

Sure, i would call the emergency, AFTER the not existing friend came by and took care of any weed lying around. Just in case.

[–] [email protected] 2 points 9 months ago

If you make it that old it will be more likely that all your friends died from old age anyway

[–] [email protected] 9 points 9 months ago (1 children)

I think I have unanswered texts from like 8 years ago.

[–] [email protected] 10 points 9 months ago

When you don't want to be awkward so you just assume your not friends unless they reach out again.

[–] [email protected] 9 points 9 months ago (1 children)

That's not introversion, that's procrastination.

[–] [email protected] 3 points 9 months ago

procrastination is the tool, introversion is the root cause

[–] [email protected] 6 points 9 months ago

Same, but only with replying to English speaking peoples. It’s exhausting to find correct words, look if some words weren’t skipped, make sure message doesn’t sound weird. When it comes to native language, I reply quite fast

[–] [email protected] 6 points 9 months ago (1 children)

this is depression not introvertion

[–] [email protected] 12 points 9 months ago (1 children)
[–] [email protected] 2 points 9 months ago

It is both \o/

[–] [email protected] 6 points 9 months ago* (last edited 9 months ago)

Yeah. Feel this one hard but because of ADHD.

[–] [email protected] 5 points 9 months ago

Actually, i have no problems with texting. It's the meeting in person that i find tiring

[–] [email protected] 4 points 9 months ago
[–] [email protected] 4 points 9 months ago

This just reminded me I didn't reply to a message so did some damage control now. Thanks!

[–] [email protected] 2 points 9 months ago

when my social lights are out they turn them on again

[–] [email protected] 2 points 9 months ago

It's texting. Miss one.... big deal. If it was important it wouldn't be a text.

[–] [email protected] 2 points 9 months ago* (last edited 9 months ago)

ahem… horrible son. Hi mom!