Ask Lemmy

I guess this is me now.

I fall poopy b-hole first onto the edge of my bathtub.

i am telefragged as my head is now inside of a table

A bunch of people in here without something solid two feet to the left of them seem to be assuming that there is a perfect them-shaped vaccuum that they will be teleported into. That's not the case. There is air there, and you'll be just as dead as the guy sitting next to the family refrigerator.

Unless you are an astronaut currently in space, the only correct answer is "dying of multiple simultaneous embolisms, with or without widespread traumatic amputations, and 'gross dismemberment' (SFW, only text) from instantaneous pressure changes inside the body."

My dog and I are now one. We have become, dogperson. All the bipedability of a person, with the infinite compassion of a dog. We are unstoppable.

Well I am pretty sure that puts me in the concrete wall at work. I probably won't know, but my coworkers are going to need therapy for life.

I am outside in nothing but my underwear. It is cold and raining outside. The doors and windows are locked and i don't remember the garage code. No one is home to let me in for another hour or so. D:

I'm inside a wall now

I am now sitting on the exact same bench in the exact same position except two feet to the left

Dead I guess, bricked inside wall

I am now laying on my sister's bed instead of my own.

If this happened 10 minutes ago, I would be outside of my car on the highway and that would be bad.

About half of my body is now occupying the same space-time position as my refridgerator.

I die almost instantly, the half that is left outside the fridge slumps to the floor and creates a gory mess for my partner to find.

Meanwhile, the other half of my mass is busy trying to occupy the same place as my refrigerator probably causes additional...effects. Does it explode? Does it just make a mess in the fridge? I will never know. Either way, it's safe to say my family is getting a new fridge.

My ass hits the asphalt at 120km/h, not entirely sure I will still be capable of pooping from there after that.

I’m pooping, so no bueno.

I'm falling down my apartment building's stairwell. Ow.

I'm midway through the wall and no longer on the toilet.

Part of me is outside, part is inside, and part is stuck in the wall.

I'm have been removed from my current chair and I'm now sitting in a different chair.

I'll be done worrying about work today, I tell you what.

Just squirted shit all over my neighbors floor

I fall out of my chair

I fall the two feet back onto the bed

Me and another churchgoer now occupy the same space. I'm on my phone; I wonder what she did to deserve this.

Pooping in the shower. What else is new?

in the next apartment's bedroom, which belongs to a 70 year old lady who insisted that I need to eat more fruits (she always has some fruits ready to give out every time she sees me).

My head and torso are inside my bedroom wall but my legs are not.

I'm now pooping outside for the neighbors to see... and probably fell over, bare-ass, struggling to figure out wtf just happened. And I'm locked out with a dirty bum; whyyyy!? Why have I been forsaken during my ~~phone~~ poop time?!

my legs are in the trashcan and I fall to the floor D:

I am now a part of my desk. On the plus side i can still reach the keyboard :)

Nothing, but my pets get a heart attack

I am sitting in the empty bus seat next to me. This is a slight annoyance because I prefer sitting next to the window.

Id be nutted by a table leg then dropped on my ass.

I've just been teleported out of bed horizontally. My lower half falls 2 feet but I hit my head on the nightstand on the way down and end up a crumpled mess on the floor

Now I have 3 left feet?

Sitting on the right side of the couch, now sitting on the left side of the couch.... Merged with my dog. Very animorphs

Pissing standing all over the floor.

Now if it were to the right, at least I would be pissing on the shower.

I fall on the ground

I'm currently sitting in the leftmost seat of a bus, so I suppose I'll get injured pretty badly from colliding with the road at high speed, and possibly be run over by a car.

I'm taking a dump in my closet

Which way is left? I'm in my bed, leaning on my right side. Do I get teleported 12 cm up? Otherwise I get closer to the edge of the bed and almost fall over. Probably do, because my cushion isn't below my arm anymore

I am now clipping through a cafe table, emotionally scarring the other patrons by dying from bifurcation in front of them

I’m now locked outside my running car. (I’m in park waiting to pick someone up, not lemmy-ing and driving!)

I'm suffocating in a wall I guess

My head would fuse with my chest of drawers, the rest of my body would fall limply to the floor about 70cm below, if my head fusing with my furniture didn't kill me, then the fall could break my neck, it would absoluetely make the chest of drawers fall over me which absolutely could crush my neck.

So, please do not do this when I am in bed.