Ask Lemmy

You mentioned you joined a few clubs. I would say focus on that. As long as you're going out to the same social place every day and doing some activities, you'll be bound to meet friends.

I've lived here my whole life, and I have no idea how to meet new people.

If you figure it out, let us know. My kids keep asking me the same thing. I dont know how to do that now because things have changed so much since I was young and meeting people.

Where in the country did you move to? The US is really big, and things change depending one what region you go to.

Throw a house warming party, with some of your heritage based Cuisine. Invite club members.

Food.. .. Quickest way to people's heart..

"That's the neat part! You don't!"

Dude I'm 44, I've lived here my whole life. When I find an answer, I'll let you know.

Drinking can be a big part of socializing in the US, but you'll be able to get by without it. Neighbors don't come over uninvited here, and it's unusual to have the type of friendships where people come by unannounced all the time (at least, after college).

I might try a few things:

• If you haven't already, find a local mosque to attend; that's a good way to widen your social circle with American Muslims, who may be able to introduce you to more people, broaden it further, etc. It'll be folks who are more culturally familiar, but many will likely be a bit more integrated already and have a wider group of American friends as well.

• Hobby based clubs are great, but they do tend to be a little transactional -- think about hobbies you want to be doing anyway (so you're not JUST there to meet people).

• If you have the time, I'd be on the lookout for volunteering and community service type activities -- it's a great way to meet good people, more committed than a hobby group, and much less awkward to socialize in than a workplace.

• Depending where you live, try and strike up conversations a bit more openly / frequently, and be willing to mention that you just moved here and don't know many folks. At the barbershop, out to breakfast, in a long line, at the coffee shop, etc. Make conversation, a lot of people will be happy to chat and some will invite you to things. Just gotta be ok with lots of chats.

You've gotten some good answers already but I'd like to stress a point I haven't seen mentioned: It's easiest to make friends during downtime. By which I mean, time you spend with another person doing nothing in particular. Shared activities are not bad, but if they are too engaging (work, sport, even worship) there isn't time to get bored and find entertainment in conversation, wherein you can discover shared interests and build comeraderie.

You'll find a lot of Americans formed their closest friendships while in school (usually high school or college). I argue that's because there is a ton of downtime with your peers in those environments. Try to find similar environments where you are effectively "stuck" with a peer for an hour or more at a time. Hiking clubs are fantastic. Beginner art classes. Book clubs.

Beyond that, don't be discouraged. Some people will have a hard time getting over their own inhibitions about exposing themselves to new people. And many casual friends will fall by the wayside along the way. That is okay. The ones you keep will be worth it in the end.

In some cities, there are other places where you can accomplish some of the socializing that happens in bars, without being in a bar or around alcohol at all. In older towns and cities you can often find breakfast places and cafés that don't mind if you stay a while longer than it takes to eat a meal or drink coffee, and where customers at bar-style seating or outdoor tables often are interested in striking up a conversation with strangers.

It makes so much difference if you gravitate toward old cities and towns, and away from suburbs, especially modern suburbs (and their accompanying shopping and entertainment districts) built in the 80s or later. The latter tend to be completely, totally oriented toward the isolated and car-dependent lifestyle. Older, much longer established communities are more messy and sometimes even dysfunctional, yet they usually have some places where people actually meet and interact.

A hobby is a great way : if you have the time, energy and enjoy new things I'd really recommend social dancing. I've done salsa and swing classes and social nights, and found it very useful to build a nice group of people who get together for a not-so-intense hobby. They're generally out in a public space, they get you moving, and don't require intense socialisation all the time ( you're more focused on the dance). A social generally has people of all degrees of dancing expertise. You get to chat with people you'd otherwise never cross paths with. Sometimes there's live music too!

Where in the US? Think of the US as 50 countries In a trenchcoat. Socializing in Arizona is different from Washington or Georgia.

Try inviting a neighbor that you say hi to often over for a BBQ. Then BBQ up some food and serve them beers (you don't need to drink). Or invite them for dinner and make some food from your cuisine that's extra tasty. Basically you'll need to put yourself out there and risk being rejected. Initiate get-togethers.

You said you don't drink for religious reasons. Have you been going to church? That's usually a pretty good place to meet people. Attend some church functions.

There's a website / app called Meetup and there are local groups in almost every city for strangers to meet up for social events to get to meet new people and make friends.

I used it for a few months after moving to a new city and stopped once I made some personal connections and a friend group.

Generally if you're outside of a city, the (often only) way to meet new people is things which are "necessary" for you like work/school, or having neighbours, since there isn't really a "third place" in most of the US. If you can find a group/club/etc. for a hobby you have (e.g. drones, model trains, whatever) then that's usually your best shot outside of that.

People tend to meet and socialize doing the things you mentioned: sports, hobbies, and clubs. You might try hobbies like disc golf, hiking or other things that give lots of chance for conversation. It's not uncommon for people to have their guard up in general, but if you approach people with an upbeat attitude and are polite you will generally make a good impression.

Meetup.com might have some groups on your area. I just moved from the West Coast to the East Coast and have made friends and contacts. Some local areas might be standoffish for reasons, but just keep putting engaging people as you come across them. I wouldn't go around knocking on doors but if you see them outside, wave, smile, ask them if they know a good restaurant, etc.

Several people have recommended hiking groups, and that's a really good option. Hikers are generally very friendly people, and you can meet a lot of very interesting people on the trails from all over the world. The United States is also gifted to have many vast and diverse wilderness parks that are federally protected, so you can definitely experience some absolutely wonderful landscapes that might be very different than where you grew up. We also have many thousands of miles of trails, including the Appalachian Trail, Pacific Crest Trail, and Continental Divide Trail, each of which is at least 2,100 miles long.

There are also very many other outdoor activities that Americans have long traditions with, so if you want exposed to more of the local cultures, find something to do outside that you've never tried before. Fishing, hunting, hiking, backpacking, kayaking, and camping are just a few of the popular ones.

Buy a motorcycle. Find local motorcycle groups. Enjoy!

The type of hobby club you join will impact how easy it is to meet people: Something like a hiking club is good, because you have to drive to the destination (free conversation if you car-pool with other members) and then there is the opportunity to talk to people during the hike itself.

Hi, not a american but you can totally go to a bar and not drink alcool (you could just order a lemonade or something) .

Neighbors do tend to stick to themselves and socializing here is DIFFICULT. It’s worth it, but it’s hard. Depending on the part if the country your in affects it a lot as well. I met a lot of people when I started going dancing; there was a regular group and the activity itself is social. You could audit a class at a university perhaps. Depending on your age you’ll find a LOT of people willing to study or work together and you can build friendships that way. I would also suggest just going to the neighbors if you’re interested. You could bring some sort of sealed food (in America it tends to be weird to cook for someone when you don’t know them) and invite them to something. It’s hard, but if you ask the people you see regularly to go and do things it’ll work out. If you’re in a club for pickleball then just ask someone if they’d like to play once or twice more a week.

I know I’ve given a little of information, but let me say that a lot of people my age tend to be in your shoes so the whole environment of meeting people is changing. But a lot of them meet people at university. When I meet new people, I usually just chat with them for a few weeks then ask them for help with something and offer to buy them a lunch as payment. Hopefully the lunch goes well and you go from there