Some of you will be fighting for your planet. Some of you will be dying for your planet. Some of you will be forced through a fine screen mesh for your planet. Those will be the luckiest of all.
this post was submitted on 27 May 2025
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Shut up and take my upvote!
Thanks for the lab meme picture. I miss r/labrats :'(
But is it the same sponge? Inverse ship of Theseus!
It's like the metamorphosis of a caterpillar into a butterfly. It basically melts into a goo inside it's chrysalis, but apparently it's been demonstrated that they can retain things they learned before metamorphosis, so...🤷♂️
I forget which episode it was, but on Last Week Tonight someone compared some process to "turning a fried chicken nugget back into a live chicken." To which John replied "If you managed that, that chicken would be FUCKED UP. Imagine the poetry it would write, 'the things that I saw, buck buck bacaw...'"
A sponge can un-puree itself but I bet there's a kind of scream we can't hear that it would never stop making.
I think the star trek transporter debate is more apt.
Not after I'm done, never be the same again...
My brain totally omitted the first instance of sponge and for a moment I thought we were making sponges out of military personnel from a specific branch of the military.
I read sponge, but thought it must be a term for new recruits or something like that, which made the rest horrifying.
given the history of experiments on military personel, it wouldn't surprise me if we did
Human attempt #32,324,568,693
fail
Human attempt #32,324,568,694
fail
The Aperture Science Enrichment Center welcomes you to the Aperture Science 3 meter sieve. The only exit from this hermetically sealed chamber is through the carbon nanotube mesh covering the doorway. If you are not able to negotiate the carbon nanotube mesh on your own, an Aperture Science 90 kiloton hydraulic persuasion piston will assist you in the experiment. Testing protocols require us to inform you that in some rare cases the carbon nanotube mesh may irritate your skin, eyes, bones, and central nervous system.
perfect
I was going for a Portal 1 GLaDOS there. Portal 2 GLaDOS be like:
Today we are focusing on material integrity--YOURS to be more precise. In this chamber you will encounter a long track of propulsion gel, at the end of which you will encounter an Aperture Science Particle Filtration Grid. The goal isn't to stop you; it is to see precisely which parts of you stop. For science.
Now, try not to disappoint. Or do; it really doesn't matter to me. And if you somehow manage to reassemble yourself on the other side, do let us know. It would be...unexpected
Cave Johnson be like:
Alright, listen up down there! This next experiment we call The Sift. Now you might be thinking, "Cave, why am I being forced through a giant cheese grater?" The answer is very simple: Because you signed the waiver.
We're throwing science at the wall to see what sticks. And by 'the wall' we mean the Aperture Science Particle Filtration Grid, and by 'science' we mean you. And by 'throw' we mean 'fire out of a giant pneumatic cannon."
Some of you might be worried about the finer points, the technical details. Don't! That's our job. Your job is to be the organic matter. I'll be honest, some of you will make it through, and some of you won't. You won't have any tumors left after this, so you've got that going for you. Caroline, start the compressor.
To be accurate, they will all make it through. One way or another.
why are you this good at this?
I played the shit out of those games.
Aye, fair enough. Well it was a fun read, so keep it up
99% of mad scientist stop immoral human trials right before the big breakthrough!
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Pretty much any animal. AFAIK, no burger has ever reorganized itself into a cow.
yes, that cow is me
is the grass good over there?
Well it's always better on the other side
I am going to have to chew on that for awhile thnx
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Aperture science intro
how many...?
Sieveral
If I chop you up, in a meat grinder, and the only thing that comes out becomes you again... You are probably a sponge
No actually works on more. If you grind a human into a seive into salt water, pour the salt water into a busy walkway.
After forensics is done in there... the cleanup crew also organizes it into sponges, Mops... and all kinds of tools.
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adjunct professors express the same adaptation if you ask any university
Get that grinder fired up! We might have to feed some of the bigger ones through a wood chipper...
For science!
You probably don't want to know the details of any science done before... What? the 90's?
I'd restrict it to the 2010s to be sure. But it varies from one specialty to another.
When again did medicine discovered that woman benefit from anesthetics when inserting an infra-uterine device? Oh it was by 2025...
The lack of pain-empathy in healthcare is mind-blowing. I'm a white man in an excellent position to be listened to, but when I had appendicitis last year getting people to understand that no, I am in crippling pain and I think it's urgent was far to much hassle for someone in crippling pain. I can't imagine what it's like for women.
I can understand folk getting jaded eventually but I often get the feeling that many people start out not caring.
You know, it's always funny when sci-fi shows have doctors that refer to current year medical practices as "barbaric" or "Savage", but honestly looking back just 50 years? Same feeling.
200 years ago, the local "doctor" will probably tell you to take a swig of the bottle he just dumped on your wound, because he's gotta saw it off. Hopefully they at least washed it since it's last use.
200 years from now? Eh. Doc will wave a light over it, you'll be fine.
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