this post was submitted on 05 May 2025
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I think a lot about how we as a culture have turned “forever” into the only acceptable definition of success.

Like... if you open a coffee shop and run it for a while and it makes you happy but then stuff gets too expensive and stressful and you want to do something else so you close it, it’s a “failed” business. If you write a book or two, then decide that you don’t actually want to keep doing that, you're a “failed” writer. If you marry someone, and that marriage is good for a while, and then stops working and you get divorced, it’s a “failed” marriage.

The only acceptable “win condition” is “you keep doing that thing forever”. A friendship that lasts for a few years but then its time is done and you move on is considered less valuable or not a “real” friendship. A hobby that you do for a while and then are done with is a “phase” - or, alternatively, a “pity” that you don’t do that thing any more. A fandom is “dying” because people have had a lot of fun with it but are now moving on to other things.

| just think that something can be good, and also end, and that thing was still good. And it’s okay to be sad that it ended, too. But the idea that anything that ends is automatically less than this hypothetical eternal state of success... I don’t think that’s doing us any good at all.

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[–] [email protected] 8 points 13 hours ago* (last edited 13 hours ago)

I do think it betrays society's lack of present-focused mindfulness. I've had a handful of friendships that I thought would go on to be quite strong and longlasting, but they fizzled out after a while. That's not to say they were bad or failed friendships. I'm grateful for the time I experienced with them.

[–] [email protected] 3 points 11 hours ago* (last edited 11 hours ago) (1 children)

You can blame George Lucas and Star Wars for this.

Do or do not there is no try.

Yoda

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[–] [email protected] 9 points 15 hours ago (6 children)

I think you are looking into things in a non healthy way.

You are right that success and failure are not binary. Furthermore, every system, be it physical, living, or social, fails sooner or later.

That doesn't mean we shouldn't strive to not fail for as long as possible, for if something brings joy or safety it's continued success is important. It follows that if something that's important to someone fails it's healthy to morn it and to try to learn from it to not repeat the same failure.

[–] [email protected] 2 points 11 hours ago

This is nice ways of saying you can change perspective on things by using more appropriate words. At no point do your viewpoints clash with op. But success and failure can certainly be binary if you want. They are words and mean different things for different people, and we hope to sometimes communicate a specific point and sometimes a philosophical one. It can be used for much. Failure as a word is useful but also touchy for a lot of modern achievers, or sofa enjoyers. It can be oh so binary for some people. Like, did you vote and try to prevent the faschist uprising that will ruin your life? It's a yes or no and one of those are very much a failure. If you don't want to see your failures you will become like the wounded manchildren that has need to use power and assert dominance to exist. At that point there's not much left of the reflection you wrote about. It's an antithesis for the practice.

[–] [email protected] 2 points 11 hours ago

I see where you're coming from, but I don't think this post is about giving up all the time. It's about accepting when something doesn't work anymore, or isn't fun anymore.

If you started doing something for fun, but the fun is gone, continuing to do it may actually be detrimental.

Nowhere does the post say that we should just give up, merely that we shouldn't stigmatize endings.

[–] [email protected] 3 points 13 hours ago

Agreed, the flip side is allowing something ending to be sad too. Not everything needs a positive spin.

This just reads to me like a classic step of linguistic evolution, where people can't be bothered to caveat the normal word with a deeper meaning (eg "my business ultimately ended, but it was the right call and it was always be a great time in my life..." etc) and so think a new word is necessary, until inevitably the same thing happens, ad naseum.

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[–] [email protected] 7 points 17 hours ago

I totally disagree with your characterization. I can come up with dozens of examples of how people don't think that the goal is "forever". That's not to say that you're lying, if you feel it then no doubt your feelings are genuine, but I don't think your feelings are a good reflection of contemporary society at large.

[–] [email protected] 23 points 22 hours ago

Happily Ever After only exists if you happen to die at the happiest moment of your life.

[–] [email protected] 18 points 21 hours ago (3 children)

A core Buddhist concept is impermanence, the idea of constant change in our world, and letting go of fixed ideas and outcomes.

[–] [email protected] 4 points 10 hours ago* (last edited 10 hours ago)

Impermanence of the individual, but the cyclic endures. Navigating the currents of history, learning from your elders, and handing your children a better world is part of the philosophy.

In the end, the goal is to escape the karmic cyclic by transcending it. You're letting go of terrestrial craving in pursuit of something grander and more spiritually fulfilling. And part of the journey is in conveying the accumulated wisdom to your juniors, with the expectation that one life is not long enough to achieve this higher existence.

[–] [email protected] 1 points 8 hours ago

that's just the world lol

[–] [email protected] 2 points 10 hours ago

I see you are holding on to that one

[–] [email protected] -4 points 8 hours ago (1 children)

This feels like moving the goalposts.

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[–] [email protected] 106 points 1 day ago (37 children)

Agree with most of these I guess, but marriage specifically is the one thing that's intended to be forever. Til death do us part and all that jazz.

[–] [email protected] 63 points 1 day ago

There’s nothing wrong with forever, but it shouldn’t be some sort of “standard” we hold everything to.

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[–] [email protected] 59 points 1 day ago (12 children)

Reminds me of last week when everyone was talking about how Bluesky is worthless because it's just going to go the way of Twitter. And I'm like, Twitter was a good thing for like 15 years.

If Bluesky follows that same pattern, great.

[–] [email protected] 1 points 8 hours ago

Twitter was never a good thing, AND I was never a Twitter user so i can actually say that.

like it actually did permanent damage to our culture

[–] [email protected] 2 points 10 hours ago

And I’m like, Twitter was a good thing for like 15 years.

See, I was going to say that Twitter was a bad thing for 15 years.

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[–] [email protected] 12 points 22 hours ago

Dan Savage (of the sex and relationship advice podcast "Savage Lovecast") says this frequently.

A short term relationship can also be successful. It doesn't have to end with one of the partners dying in order to be considered good and worthwhile.

[–] [email protected] 5 points 19 hours ago

This.

I would rather have things to end and turn into good memories, rather than having it turn to shit.

[–] [email protected] 1 points 13 hours ago (1 children)

I need a thousand more accounts just to upvote this

[–] RandomVideos 2 points 11 hours ago (1 children)

I woild have recommended !lemmysilver , but thats over. Maybe you can wait one year and hope that another event happens so you can give this post lemmy silver?

[–] [email protected] 1 points 9 hours ago (1 children)

I sure can. Thank you for suggestion, it did not even occur to me there may exist something like that :)

[–] RandomVideos 2 points 8 hours ago

Lemmy silver has ended, but there may be another event next year

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