Figures that the safest men to be stuck with aren't human men.
this post was submitted on 03 Feb 2025
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Not if yer a fucken orc!
I tried to come up with a counter argument and realized pretty quickly that I didn’t want to.
What's the counter-argument ? Let's hear it
I mean, they're objectively correct.
I'd choose: Boromir, Ned Stark, and Sean Bean.
No way anything bad can happen to me with those magnets around.
The whole elevator would just crash through the foundation. You'd be collateral when Death gets a 3 for 1 final destination style.
Is the elevator spacious?
Arnold's got a decent number of allegations against him, but Andre would protect you so I guess it's honestly a freebie for the other two if he's in the mix.
Somewhat related: that's a dream blunt rotation right there
I feel like Gimli would hog it, Aragorn would obviously be awesome, and Legolas would be chill but you could tell he's thinking your weed sucks, he's got a much better connection.
Gimli, it's a blunt, not a microphone
The fact that they had to go to fictional characters is significant.
We're in the LOTR community, the sample may be a little biased
Yes, but the person who responded to the question wasn't in a LOTR community.
Good point!
Okay, real world examples from me (notably, a big dude, so y'know, probably not as in tune to things as I could be):
Bernie Sanders My brother My Uncle
... I... Really thought I'd have better options until I really started thinking about it
Yeah. Same issue here. So how about:
Bob Ross. Carl Sagan. Steve Irwin.
So ackshually...
Aragorn was descended from Elros who was a half-elf, but that was so long ago he may or may not be a full man depending on how racist one is about miscegenation.
Legolas was an elf and Gimli was a dwarf, so explicitly not Men.
How about Eomer and Faramir instead?
Boromir would've made them feel safer.
Faramir didn't try to take the Ring from Frodo, unlike Boromir.
Elros and Elrond had a choice as to become Eldar or Edain. Elrond chose Eldar, while Elros chose Edain. Once they chose their mixed nature was resolved.
Not exactly, since the Númenóreans still had longer lives than Men due to their elven heritage. So while one could absolutely make the argument they were Men, there's also a case to be made saying they weren't pureblooded Men.
Men as in males, yes.
Men as in humans, mostly no
Everywhere they went people were getting kidnapped, orcs were invading, trees were coming to life, and the dead were rising. Id want to be far away from that elevator.
Yeah that’s as safe as being a marine hanging with the master chief.
You take that back, I protect my marines while playing!
You know.... As much as possible while charging headfirst into the most powerful empire the galaxy has seen in 100,000 years hell bent on destroying humanity and all we represent...
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Let's be real. We're all NPCs so if any of the men are from something with action, we'll probably end up dead. My pick would be Bob Ross, Mr. Rogers, and Steve Irwin. Super calming and chill
Steve was an amazing person but I wouldn’t describe him as chill.
He was pure overwhelming enthusiastic energy.
Fair point. Well, he'll balance out the other two then. It'll be like drugs (I assume), two downers and one upper
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Christopher Reeves, Stephen Hawking, Teddy Pendergrass
Mr Rogers, Bob Ross, Steve Irwin
i mean, i guess i'd feel safe, but probably not super comfortable, given that they are all three very dead.
If they're dead and in the elevator, are they still in wheelchairs?
Idk about Stephen Hawking
I'd also go for Data, Riker, and LaForge.
Now roll for shirt color.
Ehhh debatable if Data is a "man", and LaForge... well, he wouldn't be on my list. My picks from TNG to share a turbolift would would be Picard, O'Brien and Riker. Picard would be either ruminating on some deep crisis or current drama and be quiet and majestic. O'Brien would be preoccupied and anxious about some project and trying to build up the courage to talk to the senior officers about it. Riker would be relaxed, polite and crack a joke that would make you chuckle.
If counting non-human male characters across ST, then Data, Odo and Spock.
non-zero chance Riker tries to flirt with you
Sure but he would handle rejection well and laugh it off. Riker, afaicr, respected signals and consent. He flirted with people who seemed open to it and was perfectly professional to those who weren't. What makes flirting feel unsafe is the threat of men taking it badly if rejected.
Riker also had sex with a genderless individual and tried to defend their rights until they told him to stop. He defended himself from a false rape accusation. There was that one incident where his sexual shenanigans on Risa led to everyone but two children being addicted to a mind control game.
The most questionable sexual encounter was Tasha and Data.
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