this post was submitted on 26 Jan 2025
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For LGBTQ+ folks who want to blend in, what tips or advice can you give?

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[–] [email protected] 5 points 5 hours ago (1 children)

How would anyone know your sexual orientation if you dont specifically do things to show it?

Like, dont grab another mans/womans ass in public, dont talk about nice dicks/boobs you saw in a magazine. Dont act like what people generally associate with the other sex (this one might be difficult if your interests lie in those fields). I think homosexuals that stand out a lot are usually aware of it and like to act it out.

[–] [email protected] 2 points 3 hours ago (1 children)

I think homosexuals that stand out a lot are usually aware of it and like to act it out.

What a pedestrian view of your own culture. Sad.

[–] [email protected] 1 points 3 hours ago

Not sure what you mean. There are definitely homosexuals that show it openly and get into a kind of 'role', actively acting out the cliches, no need to deny that. I know many gay men and for most you wouldnt notice if you didnt know them, but some are very extravagant and thats their thing.

[–] [email protected] 11 points 6 hours ago (1 children)

Unless you're a walking flaming stereotype, nothing? Just don't mention your boy/girlfriend

[–] [email protected] 1 points 6 hours ago

what do you mean, walking flaming stereotype?

[–] [email protected] 3 points 5 hours ago

Don't act straight, don't try to blend it unless you live in Alabama with your parents. Be yourself.

[–] [email protected] 5 points 8 hours ago* (last edited 8 hours ago) (1 children)
[–] [email protected] 1 points 3 hours ago

I don't even have to click the link to know that's Captain Holt of Brooklyn 99 undercover as a heterosexual man, because that was my first thought on reading the post.

[–] [email protected] 17 points 15 hours ago* (last edited 15 hours ago) (2 children)

Pick 3 shirts, 3 pants, mix and matchable. Only wear those shirts and pants. Wash them all in the same load. Do not read the instructions. Do not iron them.

Shoes. 1 pair. 2 if one of them is for mowing the lawn.

Move with a purpose. Do not stop to enjoy the finer things. You've got place to be that matters more than any beauty that might inspire you.

Do not dog whistle at hunky construction workers. We all want to, but the straight men manage to resist most of the time.

That should cover about 95% of it.

Edit: this is advice is primarily for gay men. I can't really give "straight advice" to women.

[–] [email protected] 6 points 5 hours ago* (last edited 5 hours ago) (1 children)

Do not dog whistle at hunky construction workers. We all want to, but the straight men manage to resist most of the time.

We do, although it is terribly difficult. We calculate every route so as to avoid construction sites.
Yes, this is why straight men are often late

[–] [email protected] 4 points 5 hours ago

I break out in a cold sweat when I'm driving and I see that particular hue of orange on a roadsign. I turn my volume and bass all the way up for my music so no one can hear my catcalls.

[–] [email protected] 2 points 5 hours ago (1 children)

Are you really gay? You know so much about straight guys, it's perfect.

[–] [email protected] 2 points 5 hours ago

Not gay (yet). My LGBTQ+ friends have described me as "hopelessly straight".

[–] [email protected] 32 points 20 hours ago (2 children)

Less is more.

I knew a guy who was gay, but closeted at work, or at least, he thought he was closeted at work.

He came out to a friend of mine at work, and she took me into confidence, nervous about revealing his secret. I had to tell her everybody knew. I suggested that she let him know that he could be out to the rest of us and it wouldn't make a difference (partly because no one cared and partly because everyone knew).

When one of the guys was getting married, the gay guy was the one that insisted we had to have a bachelor's party at a strip club for him. We all went to a strip club because we weren't supposed to know he was gay and we couldn't just say, "Dude, you're gay. Straight, adult guys don't really do this. Can we just go to a restaurant and get dinner or something?"

Straight =/= misogynistic. In fact, I would argue misogynistic would usually mean some kind of confusion or anxiety about sexual identity anyway.

Straight people aren't all the same any more than LGBTQ+ people are the same. I'm a straight, CIS male. I don't like sports at all. I don't drink beer. I like deep, emotional movies. I like show tunes and musicals. I sew. I also like trucks. I like the outdoors, but I would never want to go hunting because I don't want to kill anything.

There's a guy from my high school who everyone thought was gay. He's not gay, but there's have probably always been people who thought he is. He has a kind of flamboyant persona. He's married to my wife's best friend from high school and they have two grown kids.

My advice, just be who you are. If you can't be out, don't be out, but you don't have to put on an act. The closer you stay to the truth the easier it is.

[–] [email protected] 4 points 5 hours ago

To give another example from a not-gay guy: I drink beer, I enjoy stupid movies like Gladiator where almost naked guys bash each other's heads (but not because they are naked, because the movie is funny), I don't like musicals, I sew too, but I don't care about trucks.

Why all this? Don't know, don't care, being myself is hard enough, I don't have time to think about it or give excuses.

[–] [email protected] 2 points 5 hours ago* (last edited 5 hours ago)

Being gay is weird for a lot of reasons I can't understand. I have a friend who is "almost closeted" but too old to hide it fully. We respect his decision not to talk about it, but we always laugh when he makes jokes about blowjobs or crude stuff that only gay bros can do. He's a great friend and doesn't look repressed or depressed, but I always hope that he's not unhappy inside.

Edit: shit, I made 2 answers on the same comment, well, fuck it.

[–] [email protected] 9 points 18 hours ago

Easy one. Get your best guy/girl friend if you can use their photo as your phones lock screen pic or background.

[–] [email protected] 47 points 1 day ago* (last edited 1 day ago) (2 children)

Look at straight people and act like them? I'm not really sure what to respond. But I know several people who don't really stand out. And I mean it's not like we talk about sex and partners all the time on the street or at work. So unless you wear an outrageous dress or have a crazy wig, or tell me... I won't really notice if you're queer, or if you have different sexual preferences than me. (I'm not really sure if we're talking about outer appearance here, or every day situations like going to the supermarket, or hiding your true self from close friends and relatives...) I mean generally it helps not to act too extroverted if you want to blend in, because being loud will get you attention.

[–] [email protected] 12 points 20 hours ago

The only way I knew my coworker was a lesbian was because she told me about her wife. Literally just be a normal human, and no one will think either way.

[–] [email protected] 20 points 1 day ago (7 children)

I was going to say how would I be able to tell your sexual orientation?? Just act normal. Its only a bit more obvious when someone has a more flamboyant affliction to their speech or dress with a clear label on their clothes that they are LGBT+

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[–] [email protected] 14 points 21 hours ago* (last edited 21 hours ago)

Just wear neutral colors, don't talk with a lisp, and don't do the fruity arm thing.

The straights that actually would care, don't actually know what gay people look like or do other than the stereotypes. If you're not a stereotype, you could blend in pretty easy by simply not advertising your sexuality.

Shit, I sometimes run into people that claim they never would have guessed I'm pansexual with a lean towards men, even when I am wearing a jacket and hat full of pride flair.

[–] [email protected] 12 points 20 hours ago

Just don’t wear it on your sleeve and most folks, (the idiots that care, especially), are unlikely to notice. They look for stereotypes, not facts. Your sexuality isn’t the whole of you, it’s just part of who you are. No need to flaunt it, most of the time. If you have a hobby, interest, or career that stereotypically matches the sex you present as, it’s all the more likely no one will notice, and those few that do, probably won’t care.

[–] [email protected] 5 points 17 hours ago (1 children)

For gay men, where hats and wear clothes that kind of clash. Drab colors too. My fave is grey shirts and grey pants.

[–] [email protected] 3 points 6 hours ago

dont wear hats. (except a sports cap if you like sports)

[–] [email protected] 5 points 17 hours ago (1 children)

Walk in a straight line, obviously 🙄

[–] [email protected] 2 points 5 hours ago

Also, sit up straight.

[–] [email protected] 3 points 15 hours ago

I get it, its just so fucked up that this even has to be a thing!

[–] [email protected] 11 points 21 hours ago (1 children)

If you’re a dude, master the nod: down to show respect, up for peers.

[–] [email protected] 3 points 5 hours ago

Yes, this is very important. Don't whistle at Costco. Only my dad does that. You're not my dad, so stop it if you're doing that.

[–] [email protected] 28 points 1 day ago (8 children)

As someone who has masked both neurodivergence and sexuality, it's not worth it. It will be challenging to navigate our biased and unaccommodating world, but the challenges pale in comparison to true happiness. Happiness is always fleeting, so seeking a negative peace pretending to be something you're not is a fool's errand. Hiding yourself will only ever lead to pain and mental anguish.

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[–] [email protected] 14 points 23 hours ago* (last edited 23 hours ago) (2 children)

There are no traits that are universally "straight traits", "gay traits", "trans traits" or even "ace traits". So any behavior you can have is technically "acting straight".

[–] RandomVideos 1 points 7 hours ago (3 children)

So loving people the same gender as you in a romantic sense is straight behavior?

[–] [email protected] 1 points 2 hours ago

Besides that I mean. For example, all those people who say there is a "gay gait" are generalizing.

[–] [email protected] 1 points 6 hours ago

Is that your personality or just a fact about you?

[–] [email protected] 1 points 6 hours ago

You're being obtuse. It concerns behavior towards people you're not romantically involved with.

[–] [email protected] 11 points 23 hours ago

^^^^^^ Having this attitude is a great way to portray yourself as straight. It's the idea that "straight culture" == "default." Straight culture is a thing, just like gay culture is.

Yes, you can cling to pointless technicalities. There is no one behavior that 0 gay people ever engage in, or any behavior that 0 straight people ever engage in. But this is ridiculously reductive and ignore that despite outliers, clear cultural grouping of traits exists.

[–] [email protected] 16 points 1 day ago

Speech Cadence. I know some people do it, and some don't, but if you do it (and I hope you know what I mean) then at the very least, this will immediately lead many people to assume you are LGBTQ+, regardless of how true it may be. I say this in the interest of helping, and sincerely hope it does not imply or convey any sort of bias on my part. The fact that people in this country need this information right now deeply saddens and angers me.

[–] [email protected] 2 points 17 hours ago

That is a funny question. I've had gay friends who people mistook for straight and vice versa.

But if looking for stereotypes - if you are a man, dress worse. If you are a woman, dress better. Don't obviously eye people of the same sex. Give up hope of flirting in public.

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