Asklemmy

It was many years ago and I just realized that it wasn't a sumo, just an absolutely monstrous hand that for whatever reason I recollected as a sumo wrestler.

People keep giving me steak house gift cards.

I'm a vegetarian. I can only eat a roll there.

I received a framed picture of my parents, from my parents. They said it was because I didn't have a picture of them hung up in my house.

At the call center I worked at, our Christmas bonus was a dress shirt with the company logo on it.

My wife wears it when she dyes her hair.

Oh fuck i have a long history of this...

My parents got me a cheap set of tools, pliers, screw drivers, level and a wood burner with no wood to burn at 10. My brother got a gameboy SP and Pokémon.

Two years later I got an electric shaver and Cologne. I didn't start growing facial hair until 17 and didn't have enough to need more than one pass with a razor until 26. Still have the Cologne, it's not awful but it's also not a smell that works for me.

14 I got a store made cake and $20. I can't eat the cake, the frosting makes my face hurt and that's been a problem since I was 5 so they know I can't eat the cake.

Basically, I didn't get a present for me until I met my wife at 30.

I was given 30 quarters that had letters and numbers on each one in a black velvet pouch. If you put them in a certain order, it had a message. The quarters went in year order. The message was a Bible passage according to Matthew. It was when Judas was given 30 silver for betraying Jesus.

The context, I told one of our friends that the gifter was trying to get with his wife while he was deployed. He denied and then made me feel like shit to insinuate such a thing. Turns out, it was true.

I still have the quarters so I could give them back some day.

My mate’s little sister was sad and bemused one Christmas when their parents bought her a (single) Pom-pom. Why would you not buy a pair?

I once got a picture of a really cool present from my dad, which he said was in the mail. Never got the present.

Not me, but my wife.

She receives an envelope from her grandmother, oh cool, money!
She opened it and it was empty. Okay, no fuss she probably forgot to fill one when making all of them for the family. A week later, she told her grandma it was empty. Her grandma replied "No! There's no way it was empty, your mistaken." This is par for the course. She ignores my wife all the time and talks down to her.

So an empty envelope is the worst I've seen.

About 20 years ago

I went to my family Christmas with my then-partner. I got a Grinch onesie from my family

We then attended my partner's family Christmas where basically the entire living room was stuffed with presents for the kids (my partner and their siblings). My then-partner complained about how the siblings all got more $$ worth of presents. I pointed out that I got a pair of pjs for Christmas. The reply: "it's not about the dollar amount, it's just they got more than me" (paraphrased)

I hated that present. A fucking onesie? It was such a disappointing present, and for a long time I used it as an example for questions just like this

I kept it and wore it. Eventually I lost the bitterness and started to cherish it even. Which is why I still wear it regularly this time of year! It's quite warm.. plus, it has pockets!

Grinch tax:

I was deployed and got a box from my home unit that was basically just trash. I think it was supposed to be funny, but it was just a lot of scrap paper thrown into a box. Nothing written on them that was for me. Nothing to signal anything. Just a big box of trash that could have been nothing more than the recycling bin upended into it.

That was pretty heartbreaking.

My sister gifted me the third book of a fantasy trilogy series once.
I never read or got the first two books.

Also, when I was little, my grandma (who hated me with passion) bought me a pink bike just to piss me off, because she thought a boy wouldn't ever like that color. I rode that bike until I was too tall to use it and every time she saw me enjoying that thing she was furious. :)

My mother-in-law gave me a booked called The Etiquette Edge which essentially explained how to be polite

I had an aunt and uncle who, when I was a kid maybe 12, were not well off. They got my brother and I each this toyset that was like make pretend welding. It had a hand tool that, if I remember, let you weld with this soft plastic to make things with the parts in the kit.

It also had a chamber near the nozzle that spun and contained something that made a bunch of sparks.

Well... The thing kept zapping and burning me. Kinda hurt. So, being 12, I complained about it.

And of course, I was an ingrate for not liking the toy they could afford instead of a Lego set or something. The worst of it was I got what my parents meant, my aunt and uncle were kind of ashamed. But it burned me.

Hell I thought it was really cool, and even said so, but I couldn't keep playing with it due to, you know, my hand being red and kinda cut up.

Just bad times all around.

And no, no one suggested put a glove on, and it did not come with one.

My mom's boyfriend got me this huge present that just fit under the tree, the gift was pretty heavy. I racked my brain trying to figure out what it was, had no idea. Got to be honest i was a little hyped up to open this thing, even though my opinion of the boyfriend was average

Christmas day I finally get to find out what it is. open the box and it was a Microwave; a second hand microwave. He had replaced his, wasn't even a good microwave (5 minutes to boil a cup of water) Mom already had a microwave and i was 14 years old.

Someone sent me what they referred to as a self-help DVD that was just some motivational speaker type of person invalidating my issues. A virus in the DVD also temporarily destroyed my friend's DVD player in the process of playing it.

My gran once gave me a toilet brush. The base had penguins floating in blue liquid, but it was ultimately just a cheap toilet brush.

I gave her a beautiful marble maze.

I didn’t bother after that.

Pizza baking sheets. They didn't fit in my oven.

A paella pan. I don't like paella.

A coffee grinder. It just doesn't grind coffee beans to the right size.

A random Italian cookbook. I have a chefs degree. I'm well down with basic Italian cooking.

See, I cook every day. Twice. And on occasion I love to cook for friends but that also means I'm over poor quality cooking stuff. I'll buy my own gear. Most people think they do me a favour but I just have useless stuff piling up over the years. I'm grateful to get gifts but last year I just told people right a way that if they want to give me cooking related gifts I would be equally happy with some special sort of salt of some fun ingredients to cook with. Those things don't last as long but it would make for a much better gift for a food enthousiast.

Gift certificate to a tanning salon when I was a Goth kid.

Not the gift itself, but the response.

First of all, even before Christmas I said I'd prefer NO GIFTS at all. Regardless, my dad got me some inkjet HP printer. I thanked him for it, but asked him that we'd return it. I tried to be respectful, but regardless, he got mad at me and didn't talk with me for like 2 days.

Later he sent me the money for it and asked me to buy something for it and show him what it was. I do not know why I couldn't just keep it as extra money, but oh well, it had to be spent on something.
I got a refurbished ThinkPad for that. Pretty good device, by far beating value of HP inkjet. I even got it with a 2 year warranty (without extended) like with a new device, while only 1 year is required.

Too small clothes so I'd be excited to go on a diet and lose weight... as an already very sick underweight teen with an eating disorder who wasn't a wize zero "but you'll get there"

Paulo Cohelo's garbage books to "help me with my constant depression that keeps bringing everyone down and you like books, no?"

Stuffed animal toy thay was first intended for a baby shower but the mom didn't want it so "why should it go to waste if you can have it as a birthday present"

Plastic surgery offering as a sweet sixteen present "so you can feel beautiful"

Professional acne treatment (Accutane) as a birthday present because "Oh you poor thing need it"

A used and stained old yellow blouse "because it will make you look happier" I hate yellow.

And the list goes on lol. That was growing up and it is one of the many reasons why I am no contact with all of those people.

Now as an independent adult in a stable loving relaionship surrounded by nice genuine friends, I actually get very thoughtful and beautiful gifts. Some expensive, some with no monetary cost.

Top three would be my weird Christmas 'bonuses' from a previous employer. In order of weirdness: some fake notes (representing the companies record profits that year), a single bike pedal, and finally a spanner which had been spray painted orange.

So I’m a trans guy and as a kid I was very obviously masculine, stereotypical tomboy. One of my aunts that married into the family gave me, maybe around age 5-7, a toy makeup kit. To this day I don’t know wtf she was thinking, because it wasn’t like she never met or saw me. Was it thoughtless or passive aggressive? Who can say ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

My sister wanted me to be the Godfather to her children. She considered it a "gift."

I'm an atheist. I told her explicitly "Hey, you remember I'm an atheist, right?" Part of this whole Godfather business is making a promise to raise them religiously if their parent dies. I thought I was being considerate and kind by being honest that I did not want to be a Godfather because I could not in good conscience make such a promise.

Nope, I'm the bad guy, not the person who knew I was atheist and decided to not respect that at all anyway by asking me to be a Godfather to begin with.

When I was younger and foolish, I agreed to help my boss feel a staffing void for a month and a half, which involved at least 20 hours of extra work. I was on salary, so of course it was unpaid overtime. My boss gave me a bonus of $50. That alone is kind of messed up, but my boss should have given me a raise, because it was the end of the year and that's when raises ought to be given, and instead of giving me a raise they gave me that $50 bonus.

I took the money, but I immediately lost all respect for my boss and stopped caring about that job. It was a good lesson, though. Don't work unpaid overtime, and expect your boss to shaft you, because they can take home the money that ought to be going into your wallet, if you let them.

My birthday is the 27th of December.

On any given year odds are that my birthday sucked. Growing up it was during holiday break so no bringing cupcakes to school. 2 days after Christmas, care to guess how many kids want to attend a birthday party? Birthday presents were almost always an afterthought combined with Christmas.
I am a huge Star Wars fan so when Carrie Fisher passed away on December 27th, 2016, that was an especially shitty birthday.
There have been uears when my parents have forgotten my birthday entirely.

All that aside, my wife threw me my first and only surprise birthday party for my 40th. It was Star Wars themed including food she made from the Galaxy's Edge cookbook she had given me for Christmas. That year I got a Kenner power (Gonk) droid still in the original packaging (with Venture price sticker still on it), which my mom had somehow saved since I was a kid. She also gave me all of my old Star Wars action figures she had been saving for me, unknown to me. And I also received an original Rancor and the box it came in from a friend. That one almost made up for all the others before and since. I've learned the best way to have a good birthday is to set the lowest of expectations.

My Dad once gifted me a bazinga shirt. I don't watch the big bang theory.

My dad won box tickets to the last 49er game at candlestick through some radio contest. All expenses paid, bunch of merch, got to meet some players, whole VIP package. Happened to be that the last game at the stadium was a few days after my birthday and a couple days before Christmas. I even happen to live in the area while he was flying out from Texas.

He got me a card with $20 in it and took his mom, stepdad, and ex wife with him to the game. Killed himself about 8 months later. Thanks pop.

One time my roommate gave me a welding starter set cuz he wanted to learn how to weld LOL.

So one year my sister an I save up for a game cube. We had Kirby air ride, a few controllers, a few Zelda games, we were happy campers.

Christmas rolls around and the first thing I unwrap for christmas? Halo: Combat Evolved.

We're good sports about it, everybody makes mistakes, second and third gifts? two xbox controllers.

the morning continued, memory cards, some xbox party game, the works.

right at the end, the SOB reveals he won an xbox in a raffle.

happy ending, but god damn that was an awkward Christmas start

I always win this question hands down; my really big asshole NPD of a MIL gave me her very used and threadbare bathrobe as a present. Made a big point of telling me it was hers and she was going to give it to the Catholic thrift shop she volunteered at but then thought it would be a gift for me. It was only fit for the garbage can and had holes in it.

But giving people random trash is a thing she likes to do because she likes to be provocative and "stick poking" in the therapy description. She gave her only grandchild an old vitamin bottle filled with dish soap and a bubble wand she found on the ground in the park. No spending one whole dollar on her only grandchild, oh no, let's just give her some garbage. And for my BIL who golfed, she walked the public golf course every day and picked up discarded golf tees, chipped and stained and half broken, filled a sandwich bag with them, and that was his present.

She likes to pretend she's very poor but she's not, and giving her family literal garbage is her way of trying to provoke a fight because she likes nothing better than to provoke a fight. That's the only Christmas present she wants is to upset people and make them angry at her.

I have a zillion other horrible stories of her, but you get the gist.

A tri-fold wallet. It was a good wallet, and I appreciated the gesture. It's just that I HATE tri-fold wallets.

I knew my marriage didn't have much left in it when for my birthday my wife gifted me a bag of candles that had been half eaten by the kids.

Years ago my father in law gave me a Costco sized flat of Nanaimo bars. Like just wrapped it and that was that. I was so bummed as I thought it was a big coffee table book. I ended up cutting them all in half and freezing them, so we had treats through the year. My husband and I still joke about it. As we passed them in Costco last week he suggested I return the favour.