this post was submitted on 04 Dec 2024
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[–] [email protected] 103 points 2 weeks ago (3 children)

The real question to ask is, does it contain any chemicals?

I only eat ham that is 100% composed of virtual particles.

[–] [email protected] 47 points 2 weeks ago (1 children)

Tachyonic ham is stored in the pork futures warehouse two streets over, ma'am.

[–] [email protected] 9 points 2 weeks ago (1 children)

mmm pork futures. Think it'd make good bacon?

[–] [email protected] 13 points 2 weeks ago (1 children)
[–] [email protected] 19 points 2 weeks ago (1 children)

Well, it's in large part dihydrogen monoxide. But it's less DHMO than the low sodium variant. So you've got to decide, do you want sodium chloride or dihydrogen monoxide?

[–] [email protected] 17 points 2 weeks ago

I heard too much dihydrogen monoxide can kill you. Gimme the sodium chloride.

[–] [email protected] 7 points 2 weeks ago

Used to be I could get my neutrino chorizo at the corner store. Simpler times

[–] [email protected] 50 points 2 weeks ago (1 children)

"Is that ham processed? If it's processed, I don't want it."

Customer only buys live hogs.

[–] [email protected] 5 points 2 weeks ago

Customer does not buy anything due to the checkout process.

[–] [email protected] 47 points 2 weeks ago (2 children)

Reminds of Far Side - by Gary Larson -

[–] [email protected] 17 points 2 weeks ago (1 children)

Damn, that's a dark one for him.

[–] [email protected] 9 points 2 weeks ago

At least it's unprocessed.

[–] [email protected] 2 points 2 weeks ago

"Sold. Four marks."

[–] [email protected] 19 points 2 weeks ago* (last edited 2 weeks ago) (2 children)

The crazy thing is, most ham that's perfectly shaped isn't using any kind of meat glue or enzyme (it's basically only used on expensive cuts of meat), but just pressed together in that shape and naturally re-adheres during cooking.

"So essentially all boneless hams -- which are restructured products that consist of meat pieces bound together -- don't include meat glue, but rather salt-soluble protein as a binding agent that is extracted from the meat surface during a process called massaging, or tumbling."

https://www.psu.edu/news/agricultural-sciences/story/meat-glue-issue-involves-wide-misunderstanding-expert-contends

[–] [email protected] 12 points 2 weeks ago (1 children)

She tumbled on my meat surface until she extracted my salt-soluble protein binding agent.

[–] [email protected] 1 points 2 weeks ago

Zaddy vibes

[–] [email protected] 0 points 2 weeks ago

"naturally"

[–] [email protected] 19 points 2 weeks ago

I read possessed and was quite confused

[–] [email protected] 16 points 2 weeks ago* (last edited 2 weeks ago) (3 children)

I don't care what anyone says, bologna tastes delicious.

Edit: I looked it up and bologna is not as much of an unholy amalgamation as I thought. Still tastes delicious.

[–] [email protected] 14 points 2 weeks ago (1 children)
[–] [email protected] 4 points 2 weeks ago

For when hot dogs are too gay

[–] [email protected] 4 points 2 weeks ago

Have you tried frying it in a pan? Fucking delicious tbh.

[–] [email protected] 3 points 2 weeks ago (1 children)
[–] [email protected] 1 points 2 weeks ago (1 children)
[–] [email protected] 3 points 2 weeks ago

I mean ... Yes please, olive loaf. Regardless of my desire to consume it, though, I'd like to know whether it's unholy like bologna apparently is not.

[–] GetOffMyLan 2 points 2 weeks ago (5 children)

Pigs are pretty much proof of god. There's no way nature could create such a ludicrously delicious animal. Every fucking part of it is just gorgeous.

[–] [email protected] 35 points 2 weeks ago (1 children)

Nah, they are proof of selective breeding, like all the "natural" food we eat

[–] [email protected] 15 points 2 weeks ago

That, and we've evolved to really enjoy foods high in sugar/fat/carbs/protein/etc.

If it has shit loads of energy, we love it, because that's what got us to survive.

[–] [email protected] 5 points 2 weeks ago (1 children)

Humanity are gods confirmed

[–] MajorHavoc 4 points 2 weeks ago

Really shitty ones, but yeah.

[–] [email protected] 4 points 2 weeks ago* (last edited 2 weeks ago)

Uhm, the modern, tasty pig was literally made by humans. The original version counts as venison and is more of an acquired taste.

Ok, if we take some of the older parts of the bible literally, god is in you, then indeed god has made the pig.

[–] [email protected] 2 points 2 weeks ago

We are truly blessed

[–] [email protected] 1 points 2 weeks ago* (last edited 2 weeks ago)

TIL in english pork cuts and pork sausage are both called ham

[–] [email protected] 1 points 2 weeks ago