this post was submitted on 26 Aug 2024
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Microblog Memes

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A place to share screenshots of Microblog posts, whether from Mastodon, tumblr, ~~Twitter~~ X, KBin, Threads or elsewhere.

Created as an evolution of White People Twitter and other tweet-capture subreddits.

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[–] [email protected] 212 points 2 months ago* (last edited 2 months ago)

"Okay honey, it's really cool that you're Gay and all. But could you, like... Go back in the closet and come out again? It's for something that's very important to me" πŸ₯Ί

[–] [email protected] 164 points 2 months ago (2 children)

This man will never take a shower in peace without being haunted by this memory

[–] [email protected] 30 points 2 months ago (1 children)

You mean β€œshake a tower”. πŸ€¦β€β™‚οΈ

[–] [email protected] 3 points 2 months ago (1 children)

Is that an euphemisms for masturbation?

[–] [email protected] 2 points 2 months ago* (last edited 2 months ago) (1 children)

No. It’s a dad way of saying take a shower, by switching the first two letters of each word.

Edit: another one is the fit has hit the shan, which is a less vulgar way of saying the shit has hit the fan.

[–] [email protected] 1 points 2 months ago

Guess I still need to work on my own dad jokes, as mine apparently went "whoosh" right there.

[–] [email protected] 2 points 2 months ago

It will be on his tombstone.

[–] [email protected] 58 points 2 months ago

Homie has the opportunity to ascend to a higher plane of dadhood and completly blew it

[–] [email protected] 44 points 2 months ago

You should turn in the dad card immediately, the offices are open 9-3. The regulations were clearly defined - no exceptions.

[–] [email protected] 28 points 2 months ago

Probably need to buy a few pairs of New Balance and khakis for redemption

[–] [email protected] 27 points 2 months ago

"You are a father but we do not grant you the rank of 'Dad'."

[–] [email protected] 25 points 2 months ago

Devastating.

[–] [email protected] 17 points 2 months ago

I'm actually mad about it now. Fucking wasted it, man :/

[–] [email protected] 14 points 2 months ago (1 children)

Are you sure you're even her dad?

[–] [email protected] 3 points 2 months ago

Man needs a paternity test ASAP

[–] [email protected] 14 points 2 months ago

gonna have to take your dad classes again

[–] [email protected] 12 points 2 months ago

Task failed successfully

[–] [email protected] 6 points 2 months ago

In a similar situation, i just looked at my wife and said "you owe me 5€."