The frozen chipotle employee watching me walk behind the counter and make myself a burrito 180 times before time resumes
this post was submitted on 14 Jul 2024
782 points (98.8% liked)
Greentext
4599 readers
1795 users here now
This is a place to share greentexts and witness the confounding life of Anon. If you're new to the Greentext community, think of it as a sort of zoo with Anon as the main attraction.
Be warned:
- Anon is often crazy.
- Anon is often depressed.
- Anon frequently shares thoughts that are immature, offensive, or incomprehensible.
If you find yourself getting angry (or god forbid, agreeing) with something Anon has said, you might be doing it wrong.
founded 1 year ago
MODERATORS
The Home Depot employees watching me steal an entire self-sufficient off-grid home one wheelbarrow load at a time.
The grocery store employee watching me stick every carrot in my ass.
You know you were supposed to freeze time first tho?
Sir this is a Wendy's
they have carrots at wendys?
Now we're getting somewhere!
And that is why you should always test newfound superpowers on a small scale before blowing your load on freezing time for 6 months you depraved Anon
load more comments
(1 replies)
thats fine with me, since im not sick in the head, and i respect people's consent
This is a 4Chan user
Sounds like the type of thing the sickest fuck in the room would say to avoid suspicion
That's funny because this sounds like the type of thing the sickest fuck in the room would say to avoid suspicion
Recursion: see recursion
And that's why I haven't said anything. Now no one will realize that I'm the sickest fuck of them all.
load more comments
(1 replies)
Didn't even think about this. I thought of how crushingly boring and annoying it must have been to have been unable to move at all. For 6 months.
And now I realize it must have been dreadful, at first.
Imagine if your one of the thousands of people who would likely happen to have the sun in their eyes at the instant of freezing.
Good thing is that since time has stopped, you won't get your eyes burnt since light stopped travelling as well.
As an aside, if light stopped too, wouldn’t that mean that the world would be plunged into darkness?
Photons of light reflect off of objects, and into our eyes before being converted into electrical signals by the brain and translated into visuals that we see. But to do this, photons and electrical signals need to be able to move through time and space. So if time is stopped, and light is stopped with it, none of that other stuff happens, and we all would effectively be blind. No?
load more comments
(2 replies)
load more comments
(9 replies)
And now I realize it must have been dreadful, at first.
That's basically sleep paralysis.
So either six months of sleep paralysis or you experience six months of time in the instant that time returns, possibly mentally handicapping people from the sensation. Yeah, OP better go into hiding, anyone who survives will hunt them down - regardless of what they do.
Assume some people were around you when you froze time. They saw you did something and then were the only one who could move.
Then they went through the absolute nightmare of being paralyzed and conscious for six months. And they know you've caused it.
I highly doubt the whole world concented to this.
Whatever else you did in frozen time barely changes a thing.
What if you spent your frozen time, determining the problems of everyone in the world, and solving them? So, when everybody got unfrozen, it was a utopia.
People may say "you can't make an omelette without breaking a few eggs", but would the eggs agree ? With hindsight you might become seen as a hero, but I doubt that would change the immediate hatred people would feel upon release from half a year of bondage within oneself.
load more comments
(1 replies)
load more comments
(1 replies)
Dude you can get in trouble for doing a lot of things that aren't a criminal sex act. There's so much more out there! Doing H until you nod out in public, stealing products, playing guitar after 10pm, orchestrating dog fights, gambling on when elderly people will die, driving a type I school bus with a physical on file that's two years and ten days old, the possibility are endless.
Like half of these dont work if time is stopped tho.
load more comments
(32 replies)
How would people know I've been in bed for those 6 months??
As far as they are concerned the cause of the phenomena is unknown.
And next time it will be longer.
Quick! Quick! Freeze it again! Wait... Actually never mind. After being frozen in place, and fully aware, for 6 months straight every single one of them is going to be batshit insane.
Always test until you know the rules!
That's OK, they'll know not to mess with me.
Especially after the news cycles through hundreds of otherwise inexplicably brutal events like 'oil company boardroom welded shut full of heaters', 'bee killing pestocide.producer found locked in a room full of wasps', 'putin awakes in room full people he's been oppressing', 'guy who invented mobile game adverts could only leave his house after clicking on a very small button that's actual hit box is slightly off the graphic'
Everyone who is still alive
So make it count
And wear a mask and a big coat
Big Jakt.
At that point I'd just go all in, live in the just moment for a century and upend the entire world to make up for it.
They can have fun rebuilding the cloud over, and over, and over again.
view more: next ›