this post was submitted on 05 Mar 2024
643 points (97.6% liked)

Programmer Humor

19689 readers
102 users here now

Welcome to Programmer Humor!

This is a place where you can post jokes, memes, humor, etc. related to programming!

For sharing awful code theres also Programming Horror.

Rules

founded 1 year ago
MODERATORS
 
top 50 comments
sorted by: hot top controversial new old
[–] [email protected] 79 points 8 months ago (2 children)

6 in 10 Americans believe any old nonsense as long as you present it with confidence.

[–] [email protected] 38 points 8 months ago (1 children)

73% of numerical statistics go unverified

[–] [email protected] 28 points 8 months ago (1 children)

If you put a decimal in your statistic, it becomes 82.6% more believable.

[–] [email protected] 19 points 8 months ago (1 children)

71.2% of all statistics are made-up on the spot.

[–] [email protected] 15 points 8 months ago (1 children)

"You can pretty much come up with whatever quote you want and pretend someone famous said it. Nobody checks anyway."

-Sun Tzu

[–] [email protected] 9 points 8 months ago

"This guy is speaking straight facts"

  • George Washington
[–] [email protected] 5 points 8 months ago

I don't believe you because the end of your sentence wasn't emphatic enough. Period. Mic drop.

[–] [email protected] 41 points 8 months ago (6 children)

And 8 in 10 Americans think HTML is a programming language.

[–] [email protected] 14 points 8 months ago (3 children)

And 5 in 10 Americans think you can parse it with regular expressions.

[–] [email protected] 7 points 8 months ago (1 children)

You can parse anything with regex, if you’re willing to give up your soul for it.

load more comments (1 replies)
[–] [email protected] 5 points 8 months ago
[–] [email protected] 4 points 8 months ago

†hê þðñ¥, hê ¢ðmê§

[–] [email protected] 10 points 8 months ago (2 children)

I will die on the hill that HTML should be treated like a programming language.

[–] [email protected] 6 points 8 months ago

The hyper text markup language programming language?

[–] [email protected] 5 points 8 months ago

I absolutely agree, and luckily I think it mostly is treated as a programming language. It's just a technicality that makes for a great joke.

[–] einsteinx2 6 points 8 months ago (2 children)

https://html-lang.org/

I mean, technically it’s the other 2 out of 10 that are wrong…🙃

HTML, the programming language, is a practical, turing-complete[1], stack-based programming language based on HTML, the markup language. It uses elements defined in HTML, the markup language, in order to do computations.

[–] [email protected] 5 points 8 months ago

Your scientists were so preoccupied with whether or not they could, they didn’t stop to think if they should!

[–] [email protected] 4 points 8 months ago

https://html-lang.org/

Yo, dawg, I heard you like HTML, so I put HTML in your HTML so you could HTML while you HTML

[–] [email protected] 3 points 8 months ago

Boomer programmer humor

[–] [email protected] 3 points 8 months ago (2 children)

They're wrong too, although less-so.

Also, what about that last American?

[–] [email protected] 7 points 8 months ago (1 children)

The last one knows it's not a programming language and is annoyingly vocal about it.

[–] [email protected] 6 points 8 months ago

Mom, look! I'm a statistic!

load more comments (1 replies)
load more comments (1 replies)
[–] [email protected] 24 points 8 months ago (4 children)
[–] [email protected] 7 points 8 months ago (2 children)
[–] [email protected] 3 points 8 months ago (1 children)

Plz mention me if anyone finds the title. I need it

load more comments (1 replies)
load more comments (3 replies)
[–] [email protected] 19 points 8 months ago (1 children)
[–] [email protected] 9 points 8 months ago (2 children)

I disagree. USB is superior.
If you are talking about physical size however, then yeah. USA is bigger than a single USB.

[–] xilophor 5 points 8 months ago (1 children)

Which is larger though, USA or all the USBs in the world?

load more comments (1 replies)
load more comments (1 replies)
[–] [email protected] 14 points 8 months ago

I'm gonna have to start vetting my partners better, I don't want to catch Webdev.

[–] [email protected] 13 points 8 months ago

It's cool. Those with HTML are likely never to have sex anyway.

[–] [email protected] 9 points 8 months ago

Close: JS is a disease.

[–] [email protected] 7 points 8 months ago (1 children)

Hyper Tetanus Menstrual Lipomas

[–] [email protected] 3 points 8 months ago
[–] [email protected] 7 points 8 months ago (1 children)

Who had sex with my website

[–] [email protected] 5 points 8 months ago
[–] [email protected] 7 points 8 months ago (1 children)

Oh I get it, it’s programmer humor because HTML was mentioned.

[–] [email protected] 6 points 8 months ago (1 children)

I thought it was because STDS were?

[–] [email protected] 7 points 8 months ago (1 children)

I think most programmers are safe from STDs.

[–] [email protected] 4 points 8 months ago

std::C++ std::programmers std::are std::not.

[–] [email protected] 6 points 8 months ago* (last edited 8 months ago)

Cue the Republicans trying to ban HTML from our Internet to protect the kids. Yeah, you do that...

[–] [email protected] 4 points 8 months ago (1 children)

2 out of 10 Americans believe anything off a screenshot.

[–] [email protected] 4 points 8 months ago

7/10 Americans think a photo and a screenshot are the same thing.

[–] [email protected] 4 points 8 months ago

At least sometimes it's a viral disease

[–] [email protected] 4 points 8 months ago

How To Meet Ladies.

[–] [email protected] 4 points 8 months ago

The disease part is too real

load more comments
view more: next ›