this post was submitted on 08 May 2024
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Strange question: How do you ask for a nice big warm hug from your partner without ASKING. I feel like a need some spontaneous affection, like I come home and just get a bear hug or something. But asking totally ruins the feeling of the surprise. Coffee is like a lukewarm limp handshake for the soul, but I will take it!
Maybe say to her "sometimes I really want a hug without asking so when I put my arms out would you be ok with that". If you do that often enough it becomes habit.
I feel sad you have to ask for a hug but if you don't communicate with your partner then they don't know what you want.
Also important to recognise you might have different "love languages".... Yours might be physical touch and theirs might be words of affirmation for example... Which is the case for us. I actually need to remind myself that my partner needs me to hug her.....
Yeah that is so true. Also don't forget to make each other laugh.
Never stopped trying
oh its totally this. I think maybe I just need to take the lead on some of this stuff to reminder her in a non verbal way.
Yeah its deffo come up before, gets addressed for a few weeks then sort of falls apart, which is fine cause the need is addressed but in a few months I'll need it again and we just kind of spiral.
Is this a thing specifically about what happens when you come home? If so you might want to think about role shifting and how that is working for both of you - you have had time on the trip home from work to mentally make the shift from your working role to your home role, but she is going instantly from her role of mother to partner and might need more time to mentally make that shift. Talk to her about what she thinks about it, but it might work better for you both if you start a routine along the lines of you taking tiniest for a while to give her some time alone to just regather her thoughts and prepare to be "partner" and not just "mother" - maybe take a shower, go for a walk, whatever works for her.
Good point, but this predates the kid. I think its just a fundamental difference in love languages I guess.
hugs
I suggest when you get home you give the hugs. Do it all the time. Hopefully hugs will become more of a thing and you receive hugs too.
thank you! Yeah, be the change you want to see hey.
RAAAR bear noises, approach with arms outstretched
casual touching is something you foster, but if they ain't picking up the messages a spoken reminder of your needs is a must.
haha thank you!