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It's fine to have queer friendly places. However, I'vè learned to avoid those places as much as possible. Because it seems that no matter what, they will get offended. I don't want to offend anyone. So in the end, they're offended and I m sad about it and everybody is worse of.
So I just try to avoid those places. I highly doubt that that is a good solution. Especially if more people take that aproach. Eventually you'll just create a big divide between "us" and "them". Nobody wants that.
But that's how it is.
Queer people have to deal with us all the time, often masking or holding in their emotions because it simply isn't safe to let them out. Put them in a safe place and some of them finally feel safe to unload all of those feelings - or just stop staying silent when they need to speak out. Give them some grace because people like us often treat them like shit and they are rightfully wary and quick to demand that their social rules are just as valid as ours. You know how we talk about institutional racism? There's an institutional straightism that we are completely blind to unless it is pointed out to us. Gendered bathrooms are just there tip of the iceberg.
Also there is a difference between queer-friendly spaces and queer spaces. We may at times be tolerated in queer spaces, but they aren't for us and will not cater to us. Our presence may even be unwelcome because just having a bunch of straight people in a space threatens to make it straight-centric.
I once went to a queer bdsm con with a heavy skew towards trans. Straight people might've been around 30-50% of the attendees, but respecting pronouns was strictly enforced and the urinals in the bathrooms were closed just to make it more queer friendly. It was a queer space and we were welcome to leave if we didn't like it and it was uncomfortable and educational.
I misgendered people constantly. Sometimes twice in a single breath. And I was corrected directly and fucking constantly. It was so aggravating because I was trying my absolute hardest to overcome what at the time was probably 40 years of straight culture. They didn't let me slide, but they accepted my apologies and continued to correct me. And let me tell you, they were all some of the coolest people I'd ever known. All they wanted to do was exist as themselves and be accepted for that and that was all they asked of me in order to accept me and be understanding of my mistakes. Believe me they were not looking to be offended - that shit happens to them every god damned day, they don't need to go looking for it.
I do my best to be accepting and respectful and listen more than I talk, and I've never had anyone take exception to me even when I've made mistakes.
Anyway, anyone queer is free to chime in because your voices are far more important to hear on this topic than mine.
You did nothing wrong, stop victimising yourself
I'm not a victim. Understanding and empathy feel pretty good, actually.
Hate is a burden.