mysteriousquote

This is spot on.

I like making leather goods for friends and family. As soon as I made my first few things, my parents and (now ex) wife starting making comments about making it my side hustle, selling at fairs/farmer markets, etc.

I took a few steps down that road, but the business side of figuring out costs, meeting deadlines, etc., absolutely killed my passion for my hobby and I basically quit doing it for almost two years.

I’ve only just gotten back into it over the past few months, making some things for my friends and “charging” them something like a homemade painting or a six-pack of good beer and letting them know their wallet/purse/whatever will be done when it’s done.

I’m happy, they’re happy, and my day job continues to be my source of income, while my hobby is my escape and still feels good.

Wish I could claim credit, but in the immortal words of Shaggy, “It wasn’t me.”

This is just something my mom drilled into us when I was younger, and I still do it to this day

Others have already said to let go about everything being perfect, because there will be things outside of your control that you cannot account for, so I won’t harp on about that.

Instead, I recommend a little pre-trip prep at home to make the end of your trip a dream as well. Take some time to clean the house/apartment, do the dishes and laundry, make the bed.

There is nothing like coming home after a long trip, but coming home to a mess or chores after a (hopefully) amazing time is a terrible way to cap off your vacation, so do yourselves a favor and spend a couple hours on making home perfect before you leave.

(Obligatory: I’m not a psychologist/psychiatrist, but I’ve been in your husband’s shoes, and all of the men in my family are living with depression)

First, thank you so much for even sticking by your husband and reaching out to find ways you can help. It is all too common that people get frustrated when their significant other is trapped by depression and push them away or don’t seek to understand. Your husband is a lucky man. 

On the flip side, supporting someone in difficult times like this can be taxing. Don’t feel guilty for seeking your own support, such as your own therapy sessions with a psychologist. Supporting someone else becomes so much easier when you also have a system behind you as well, rather than going alone because they are the ones with depression.  I did not do myself any favors by essentially doing what it sounds like you are doing, but for my ex-wife, being her safe space/anchor while she worked on her general anxiety and a lot of suppressed childhood trauma, but it took a huge toll on me as well, basically ignoring my needs because I was dedicating everything to her. 

Some context on my opinions here: I was someone who was a “gifted kid” (advanced classes in school, extra curricular activities, science summer camps, etc) and lived almost 30 years without an ADHD diagnosis because it was a dirty word back when I was young. Today I’m living today the related depression as an adult when it’s hard to keep up with things “normal” people take for granted and a lot of social anxiety from a difficulty forming strong lasting relationships.

I’d like to offer some suggestions that may help, some of which have helped me, while others have helped my family but weren’t successful for me:

• Therapy: all three of us in my family have our own therapist, and we all have our own cadence for that. Sometimes being able to speak to a neutral third-party is easier than talking to a loved one, because they may still be unconsciously trying to hide their “weakness” from those that they love. Also, if your situation allows, try “shopping around” for a therapist, including trying a psychologist (not sure if your country has the distinction, but in all of the places I’ve lived, a psychologist does therapy but cannot prescribe medication, while a psychiatrist can; having one or both can be helpful).
• Try to limit his use of alcohol as a self medication, it’s one of the worst things for you if you’re already fighting depression, as it just reinforces the depression mindset of feeling stuck and listless. If he’s resistant, try suggesting things like non-alcoholic cocktails/beer, which can help by continuing the “routine” while replacing it with something of a placebo effect
• Medication isn’t for everyone, and even if it is right, not all anti-depressants or ADHD meds are the same. If he hasn’t already, I encourage you to speak with your husband and medical provider about trying other options. My dad went through about 5 anti-depressants before he found one that felt right for him
• break routines: one of the hardest things for me is breaking out of a downward spiral that can be weeks in the making. You mentioned that you’ve tried to get him to do this, but I encourage you to change tactics (e.g. instead of asking him to go for a walk, tell him you’d like to check out something he’s interested, like a museum or concert or whatever, but you’d feel better going with him there to guide you. It gets him out of the house and might give an ego boost as he’s able to share something he’s passionate about with someone he loves)
• Celebrate even the small victories. When your husband is able to do those small chores you mentioned, show him that you understand how hard it was for him and that you appreciate his effort. Try to align these with his “love language”, be that words of affirmations, gifts, or whatever. But when he can’t, while it will probably feel frustrating, try not to let him see that, and instead meet him with that same compassion and understanding 

I wish you the best of luck, it’s not easy for anyone, but like I said, your husband is a lucky man to have someone so loving at his side.

$14/hour? Not likely, 20 states are still at the federal minimum of $7.25/hour, and only like 7 are at $14 or higher.

Lump that together with the massive stigma about hiring people who spent time in prison, the shit education and/or training most incarcerated people receive and they’ll be lucky to get two minimum wage jobs to barely squeak by.

The U.S. never abolished slavery, they just gave it a makeover and called it justice.

I recall seeing NPC faces a lot more in game than I saw my own PCs face, even with helmets hidden, but it’s very likely that is just confirmation bias on my part, since I invested nothing into the PC appearance, so nothing stuck.

But that doesn’t discount your point, and of all the games I could have named, BG3 is probably the worst example.

That’s a fair point, someone took the time to code those aspects of the game, and if it adds to your enjoyment and engagement with the game, more power to you, it’s just not for me.

Thanks for replying, it does give some context to why my friend enjoys those parts of the game.

My friend was shocked to hear I spent about 10 seconds in the character creator in BG3 and exactly 0 seconds concerned with dying my armor to match whatever theme.

I just don’t see the appeal, it’s not like I see the character’s face all the time, and I’m constantly swapping armor around for different situations.

I’d rather be playing the game than spending ages on making my character look a certain way just to never actually see them in game for more than a split second on screen during conversations.

“Go for the eyes, Boo!”

Can we please start using this photo of him for every article?

I’m in a similar boat, Spanish degree from college, but learning Portuguese now, and I’ve found that kids programming like Sesasme Street (Rua Sésamo) is really great for getting some fundamentals. They tend to speak slower, avoid idioms and focus on foundational parts of the language. And the good thing is, you can find all 30ish episodes of Rua Sésamo on YouTube

Edit: Rua Sésamo is European Portuguese, if you want Brazil, then Vila Sésamo is what you’re looking for (or simply Sésamo)

Oh here’s a fun fact: You made out with your sister!