SubArcticTundra

From the book Plurality chapter 2-2

I've been having quite a stressful period of exams recently and at one point I started feeling a mixture of burnt out and depressed. I immediately stopped preparing for the exams, and to ease the thought that I would need to manage 2 more years of this (this is what triggered the depression), I started making plans to switch to an easier degree.

Usually when I feel depressed I know exactly why (my mind tunnel visions on the big picture problem and blocks out the present), and once I address the cause I begin to feel hopeful again. But this time, although doing these things eased the immediate feeling of burnout, I have carried on feeling depressed. I am usually a humorous person so I tried to watch my favourite comedy to rekindle my playfulness but I felt completely numb to the jokes and nuance in it that I usually appreciate. Same when I tried to socialize.

I've removed the cause so I don't understand why I'm still depressed and what else I need to do to make my mind operate normally again. Could it be from other unadressed things in my life that have been in the background? Does anyone have any ideas?

My psych wants to take me off Strattera because it isn't helping my ADHD and apparently it's quite expensive.
One thing it is helping me with though is my anxiety – I no longer get the random bouts of anxiety that I used to and I feel like I'm just generally more chill and enjoying the present moment.
What's more, I can actively feel the Strattera keeping me calm at times when my brain would have panicked before, like when approaching girls.
Do you know if other anti-anxiety meds my psych is likely to give me will have this same effect, or should I urge him to keep me on Strattera?

I've realized that I check the news several times a day but not because I'm curious about what's happening on the grand scheme of things, but because my brain wants to check something that keeps changing with new, evolving information. It fills a slightly different niche than social media, and I don't watch sports so I don't have that to check. Can anyone think of something else that could fill this need? I could read blogs but they just don't feel current. And the news is making be stress about information I didn't need to know.

My main problems:

• Inability to stick to lowly stimulating tasks
• Executive dysfunction
• Forgetting what I was doing every 2 minutes
  Bonus mention: random bouts of anxiety
  (Don't know which subtype this amounts to)

Meds I've tried so far:

1. Atomoxetine (extinguished the anxiety but did nothing for the ADHD)
2. Methylphenidate (amplified the ED, essentially gluing me to even boring tasks. This helped for reading but not for my executively intensive physics homework, where I literally had to use my inner voice to guide myself. Did nothing for the forgetfulness.)

Has anyone had a similar response? What ended up working? I'm in the UK so there's no Aderall.

My train of thought has gone down the same path hundreds of times when bored. There is no new realisation about that topic that remains to be had. And yet every time my inner monologue goes down the same well trodden path. It almost hurts at this point. I don't really choose the topic, it's usually just one I've come into contact with repeatedly and they change over the years. I commute by bus and the monologue is always at the same point at the same point in the journey. I am going crazy. How do I turn this off.

Lemmy, I have completed tens of modules across several different universities. I have been course-hopping for long enough that I’d have a bachelors degree by now had I found and stayed on a course that suited me. I can’t be asked to commit to one and study it for yet another 3 years before I get a degree*. Yet I feel like all of the effort that I have expended up to this point will go unacknowledged, just because it was spread across several unis and doesn’t fall into any of their pre-defined study plans. I am a person driven by short bouts of intense curiosity of the type that dives down Wikipedia rabbitholes**. I want to do a highly qualified job but am failing to fit in to the rigid framework that academia sets you. I have several Master’s theses that I’d start researching tomorrow if the system let me. Yet without so much as a bachelor’s I might as well go work in a supermarket. How do I move on from here?

*Perhaps it’s also because I’m now in my early 20s and finally want to have some time to explore.
**I am a logical thinker and predominantly interested in STEM topics.

Edit: while I'm at it, does anyone know what I should do when I'm waiting for a coincidence/adventure to happen, but it never comes? I can't really go outside and arrange for it to happen because I don't know what I'm looking for.