This was excellently well-worded and neutrally calm and cool, until part of your last paragraph that concerns me on here.
you were not the one abused, so why are you doing it?
I deduce that @[email protected] perhaps felt directly empathic about the incident, but now we may never know.*
obviously, we can't control your language.
Banning is language control, and even direct language control; please tell me how it is not. This (mindset overall) could lead to the path of thought police and authoritarianism over time, though I'm talking only in the scope of online forums, not national laws; if a person will not listen, just let them leave on their own instead of banning them. As a large-forum admin elsewhere myself, I would have issued a formal pre-ban warning instead regarding generally unacceptable misbehavior. That almost always suffices.
*Banning also eliminates our ability to uncover any possibly critical supporting details, and just overall reduces the person's likelihood of reflecting on and reconsidering, which defeats the purpose; do you actually seek reform and understanding, or just want to silence the opposition? I do not suggest banning unless a person is specifically trolling to get a rise out of someone. I don't think this person was trolling.
I had intentionally deleted my own comment because I hadn't read all of the other comments here at the time, and I realized that you and others have already said what I might have said. No one should shrug off the victim's pain, but I see the other side as well, especially given @[email protected]'s insightful response most recently.
This is all sort of annoyingly merely due to the phenomenon of certain language structures like English; for example, Indonesian doesn't have a "s/he" difference; the closest pronoun, "dia," is merely universal for all singular organisms and is most closely equivalent to "that person/animal." Basically, it sucks that this problem even exists at all.