this post was submitted on 26 Jan 2024

306 points (95.5% liked)

The Onion

4428 readers

2043 users here now

The Onion

A place to share and discuss stories from The Onion, Clickhole, and other satire.

Great Satire Writing:

founded 2 years ago

MODERATORS

[email protected]

306

Biden Announces He’s Reheating Chili If Anyone’s Interested (www.theonion.com)

submitted 9 months ago by [email protected] to c/[email protected]

22 comments fedilink hide all child comments

WASHINGTON—Stating that it was as easy to prepare 330 million helpings as one, President Joe Biden announced Thursday that he was reheating chili if anyone was interested. “I’m going to pop some chili into the microwave in a minute or so if anyone wants some,” said Biden, who raised his eyebrows as he gestured emphatically at the large container of leftover meat and beans and repeated “anyone want in on this?” “It smells good. I bet it tastes good, too. It’s from Tuesday, but it should still be good. Better, even. It gives the flavors time to mingle. Alright, last chance if anyone wants any. You’ll need to get past security to get into the White House, but I can arrange that.” At press time, Biden was attempting to entice the nation by shaking a bag of oyster crackers.

link: https://www.theonion.com/biden-announces-he-s-reheating-chili-if-anyone-s-intere-1851174872

top 22 comments

sorted by: hot top controversial new old

[–] [email protected] 92 points 9 months ago

It’s from Tuesday, but it should still be good. Better, even. It gives the flavors time to mingle.

Finally a president with some damn sense

[–] [email protected] 66 points 9 months ago (1 children)

You know what? Yeah, I'll fuck with some chili.

[–] [email protected] 13 points 9 months ago

Don't fuck the chili.

[–] [email protected] 59 points 9 months ago (1 children)

Shit. I'd eat chili with Biden.

[–] [email protected] 20 points 9 months ago (1 children)

Hell yeah, and if secret service didn’t tackle me for taking out my phone to take a selfie, I’d even take my chances and ask if he wants to go for an ice cream cone afterwards.

[–] [email protected] 16 points 9 months ago

You offer to hop on amtrak as well and the man would literally hug you.

[–] [email protected] 34 points 9 months ago

Goddamn this is way funnier than it has any right being

[–] [email protected] 21 points 9 months ago (1 children)

I bet the white house kitchen makes bomb chili though

[–] [email protected] 8 points 9 months ago

I have no doubt Andre Rush makes a mean-ass chili.

[–] [email protected] 15 points 9 months ago

Can we fire up the grill and throw some dogs on it too?

[–] [email protected] 15 points 9 months ago

A nice bowl of chili deserves a cracker.

[–] [email protected] 14 points 9 months ago

When asked about his family recipe, Biden stated that the secret is to undercook the onions.

[–] [email protected] 11 points 9 months ago (2 children)

Out of all the shit the Onion puts out, why they gotta joke about some chili? That’s plain evil. EVIL!

[–] [email protected] 10 points 9 months ago (1 children)

Seriously, they got no chili chill

[–] [email protected] 4 points 9 months ago

Reminds me of a joke though:

Yo mama so stupid she heard it was gonna be chilly, so she went outside with a bowl and spoon.

[–] [email protected] 1 points 9 months ago

Can’t tease me with a headline like that. I got my hopes up and everything.

[–] [email protected] 8 points 9 months ago

I'd be interested but I literally just made some yesterday.

[–] [email protected] 5 points 9 months ago (1 children)

Only reheating it for a minute? Soup like foods need a couple minutes on medium-high power if you don't want ðem to be cold or get a microwave skin.

[–] [email protected] 6 points 9 months ago (1 children)

In a minute, not for a minute. As in, 1 minute from now I will be starting the microwave.

I know, I misread it too.

[–] jwt 0 points 9 months ago

Eh, I don't miss it at all.