A loosely moderated place to ask open-ended questions
If your post meets the following criteria, it's welcome here!
Looking for support?
Looking for a community?
~Icon~ ~by~ ~@Double_[email protected]~
you already know what you need to do... ignore immature behavior. nod politely when required. thats it. needy/problem people run themselves out of steam, if you just let them.. but it could be a daily ritual.
it doesnt matter what she thinks of you. you have to treat her like someone elses toddler... nod politely, non-committal, generic comments when forced. and then flat out ignore.
To be clear, I think her reaction to not getting attention is incredibly childish and immature.
That being said...I used to never greet anyone when I arrived at work. Just sat down and did my job. But one day someone told me that in their culture, it was incredibly rude not to greet people when you walk in the room. I had honestly never even thought about it that way and it never even crossed my mind that people may view things differently like this. Since I pride myself in being kind and polite to others, I made a small change in how I interact. When I arrive at work, I say a simple "hey" to people as I see them. I don't make it into a full blown conversation or anything, but it just acknowledges their existence. I'm not offended when people don't say hello to me, but it also doesn't bother me or take any effort on my part to briefly acknowledge people when I arrive for the day.
As an autistic person I’ve got it in my database of human culture that it’s rude not to acknowledge a person’s presence. Not an aspect of any particular area’s culture, but just an aspect of human culture. People don’t like being treated as if they aren’t there.
Yeah is she wanting a "good morning" or is she wanting some elaborate greeting or conversation? Saying good morning to acknowledge someone is pretty standard in the places I've worked.
My mother is like this. She will never be happy and is addicted to being a victim. My mother actually pulled the victim card during Covid because her work was paying her to not work but she had to call every morning in case they needed her. She said it was worse having to call in the morning rather than work so was basically a victim because she got free paid time off while lots of people had lost all of their income.
Nothing you do will make this woman happy. Don’t try and be more friendly to her because it doesn’t matter. Better to act disinterested in everything she says and don’t answer personal questions she can twist and gossip about to other people.
Just by the way you describe them, it sounds like they’re more of a narcissist and want to be the center of attention rather than thin-skinned. Best way is to just ignore. Obviously don’t avoid them if it’s work related, but stop as soon as it’s no longer about work.
She's just complaining. You're fine. If she's not frosty towards you in interactions, it's just venting. Some people need to do that to process their own emotions; and it doesn't mean you're doing anything wrong or leaving something undone.
yeah I agree here. sounds like its a her problem and no need for the OP to change their way of working.
There's no problem at all, most likely.
My wife had a coworker who was an absolute downer with this kind of shit. She had a little bit of authority over him, so her solution was to make a deal with him that at the beginning of shift, he had 60 seconds to get all of his complaining out of the way, and then they both promised to not complain all shift. Everybody on site immediately noticed that it was now more pleasant to work with him lol.
Commit to the fact that you have to deal with her. That means sticking to what you know to be true, but understanding that she may have a poor reaction to that.
That said, you'll also have to guard against potential misunderstandings, and be calmly clear when misinterpreted. Once you can accept the emotional and practical circumstances she's putting you in, responses will come naturally.
Your coworker is immature. How much of it you have to put up with depends entirely on your job. Do you share an office? Work on projects together? In that case, you might look into some non-judgemental responses. For example, if she starts gossiping you could ask to change the subject or even tell her it makes you uncomfortable.
If she's on the other side of the office in another department, ignore and move on. There's a certain amount of maturity required to deal with people who are less mature than yourself, and it can be difficult sometimes.
It's work, if you do a good job and are a good team worker nobody should have reason to dislike you for just getting on with your job. You're not trying to be their friend, nor are they yours, that's why we refer to them as colleagues. Work is separate from life.
My stepdad was the same. Just get on with his job. He was universally liked not because he was nice nice, but because he got projects done, worked well in his team, and kept everybody up to scratch.
Easy.
Challenge them to trial by combat.
If they’re so thin skinned, you’ll easily win with your superior, thicker skin.
Please read "21 Days to Resilience" by Montminy.
And once you understand it, then consider getting your co-worker to read it: you can't convince 'em if you haven't its meanings in you, to begin with.
_ /\ _
"It's not friendly to go up to people and tell them that they're not friendly. If you want to get along with people here a little better, maybe rethink certain parts of your approach."
Or just leave it.