this post was submitted on 23 Dec 2023
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Lemmy Shitpost

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Welcome to Lemmy Shitpost. Here you can shitpost to your hearts content.

Anything and everything goes. Memes, Jokes, Vents and Banter. Though we still have to comply with lemmy.world instance rules. So behave!


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Refrain from using harmful language pertaining to a protected characteristic: e.g. race, gender, sexuality, disability or religion.

Refrain from being argumentative when responding or commenting to posts/replies. Personal attacks are not welcome here.

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[–] [email protected] 89 points 1 year ago (4 children)

no worries, my brain will remind me every 45 seconds for the next 3 weeks

[–] [email protected] 30 points 1 year ago (1 children)

And keep going for the rest of your life, just at a lower frequency because there's more screw-ups to keep getting reminded of.

[–] [email protected] 9 points 1 year ago

ha, yep. theres a lot of backpressure there in that pipe

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[–] [email protected] 61 points 1 year ago

It's the missed quicktime events that gnaw at my soul.

[–] [email protected] 57 points 1 year ago (5 children)

I used to work for a large corporation and one day I found myself in a meeting with a bunch of female vice presidents where I was the only man there. The presenter was unable to display on the big screen because she didn't have a connector; I happened to have the right kind and loaned it to her.

She said "you're pretty handy to have around." My brain decided that a clever thing to say in response would be "well, I'm pretty well-endowed in the dongle department" and I started to say that before my brain thought better of it and cut me off. So what I actually said was "well, I'm pretty well-endowed". One woman in the room actually guffawed but everybody else managed to ignore it - although I'm willing to bet this story was told later more than a few times.

[–] [email protected] 18 points 1 year ago

Jesus fucking Christ, how did you not just die on the spot?

[–] victron 18 points 1 year ago

I felt the pain through my phone.

[–] [email protected] 13 points 1 year ago

This one's a ~~weiner~~ winner

[–] [email protected] 13 points 1 year ago

When you realize how that sounded you can save it by looking embarrassed and apologizing, and clarifying you meant something like "equipped". Typically a gaff is better than leaving things at creepy

[–] [email protected] 3 points 1 year ago
[–] [email protected] 33 points 1 year ago (1 children)

It's been over 20 years and there are two that haunt me to this day.

[–] [email protected] 7 points 1 year ago

As someone with one haunting me for a little longer, fucking mood.

However I am curious about yours...

[–] [email protected] 28 points 1 year ago (1 children)

Just like Fallout 4, I only ever select the sarcastic option.

[–] [email protected] 30 points 1 year ago (1 children)
[–] [email protected] 12 points 1 year ago (1 children)
[–] [email protected] 6 points 1 year ago

There's a settlement that needs your help, I'll mark it on your map.

[–] [email protected] 26 points 1 year ago* (last edited 1 year ago) (1 children)

I was talking to my dad about family drama a couple weeks ago, and instead of wording my sentence properly I made it seem like I called my cousin a cow. I immediately felt bad because even though she's being a fucking idiot, I still like her.

[–] [email protected] 18 points 1 year ago (1 children)

That's when you clarify that you like some cows. They can be sweet, dumb animals.

[–] [email protected] 5 points 1 year ago

That shit when they hop around after being let out of the barn in the spring almost makes me regret all the burgers.

[–] [email protected] 18 points 1 year ago

After that, you just start anticipating this feeling and unlock social anxiety.

[–] [email protected] 17 points 1 year ago (2 children)

26 year old here. Happens constantly. I really wish reality would let me kinda pause time for a second like in a video game, so I have time to weigh up my options. Tbh tho, I'd probably still end up regretting things I've said

I'm getting better though. I can have a conversation with most people and most likely not say something completely fucking retarded. But there are times I say dumb shit and end up reliving those moments constantly in my head.

[–] [email protected] 9 points 1 year ago

Give me that quick save/load function

[–] [email protected] 4 points 1 year ago (1 children)

One thing you can do for a pause in the conversation, is simply to put a thoughtful look on your face and stroke your chin for a moment while you figure out the best answer. This way the person you're talking to knows that you were listening, so they don't feel ignored, and it gives you that moments pause you need. Plus, bonus, sometimes they think you're smarter and more thoughtful than you actually are.

[–] [email protected] 3 points 1 year ago

Or just be honest and say "I need to think about it." Wins hearts and minds big time.

[–] [email protected] 15 points 1 year ago

And then you imagine the "person will remember that" up in the corner

[–] [email protected] 10 points 1 year ago* (last edited 1 year ago) (1 children)

used to. i mean live and learn. and realize what you and / or others think is important

[–] [email protected] 10 points 1 year ago

How to load previous save?

[–] [email protected] 9 points 1 year ago* (last edited 1 year ago)

Me starting a conversation with my dad about some mundane things that instantly turns into him talking about conspiracy theories.

[–] [email protected] 8 points 1 year ago (1 children)

For some people that’s just how dating works out

[–] [email protected] 7 points 1 year ago

It's really not a risk for me until I try and get past online chat. Online chatting, I can proofread my...ahem flirtations. In person? It's a crapshoot.

That being said, I prefer to disappoint potential romantic interests in person. I'm old fashioned like that.

[–] [email protected] 5 points 1 year ago
[–] [email protected] 3 points 1 year ago

Instant regret

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