In order to take full control of the dream, you need to have a big ego. This doesn't mean a big ego in the usual sense. It doesn't mean you have to be rude or narcissistic, as is commonly associated with a big ego.
In this case, a big ego means confidence that everything in your experience is under your control. This sounds contradictory to the whole spirituality/metaphysics thing, and in a way it is. But it depends on what your end goals are.
If you want to cease suffering, an ego will only hold you back. And in that case, controlling the dream wouldn't be on your list of priorities anyway.
But if your end goal is to take control of the whole dream, you need to be supremely confident in your abilities, otherwise you won't get anywhere. You need to be able to clearly assert an outcome and have full confidence that it will happen. There cannot be any doubt, there cannot be any feebleness or worry. Because the moment you begin to doubt your intention, the more likely you are to re-imply your old situation.
This also means that you shouldn't be overly forceful or brutish either, because that might imply that without forcing it, you are not capable. You just have to commit and leave it at that.
The big ego is needed because you cannot let the external world dictate your thoughts and worries. Your ego has to be so big and monstrous that nothing external could possibly cause you to doubt your abilities. Most of us have the experience that there are "others" who are above us and hold more power over us, whether socially, politically or economically. Or maybe certain situations hold power over us (e.g illness). A big ego means being completely unaffected by these external circumstances and having complete confidence that you are the sole creator and controller and that nothing external could possibly disrupt your abilities.
That means having an iron hard resolve and committing yourself fully and completely to the desired outcome. Now the problem is that most of us still fall victim to doubt. We could commit ourselves fully, but there will always be a lingering doubt or even a thought "it's not going to happen, I'm wasting my time". And the only way to counter that is to stop caring about the results. And to stop caring, it might mean to adopt a state of "just being".
When you are simply being, that's when you have the most control over your dream. When you are simply being, nothing can phase you.
Originally commented by u/Green-Moon on 2017-09-10 19:02:10 (dmt25i6)