this post was submitted on 13 Mar 2025
442 points (97.6% liked)

Not The Onion

14900 readers
937 users here now

Welcome

We're not The Onion! Not affiliated with them in any way! Not operated by them in any way! All the news here is real!

The Rules

Posts must be:

  1. Links to news stories from...
  2. ...credible sources, with...
  3. ...their original headlines, that...
  4. ...would make people who see the headline think, “That has got to be a story from The Onion, America’s Finest News Source.”

Please also avoid duplicates.

Comments and post content must abide by the server rules for Lemmy.world and generally abstain from trollish, bigoted, or otherwise disruptive behavior that makes this community less fun for everyone.

And that’s basically it!

founded 2 years ago
MODERATORS
all 31 comments
sorted by: hot top controversial new old
[–] [email protected] 2 points 7 hours ago

dude i gotta get of those for when my MIL visits

[–] [email protected] 125 points 1 day ago (1 children)

Aw yeah. That's the stuff.

[–] [email protected] 14 points 1 day ago

Trumps face if you flattened it with a steamroller.

[–] [email protected] 88 points 1 day ago (1 children)
[–] [email protected] 106 points 1 day ago (1 children)

I still think it's a brave move trying to blend in with the couch in the same room as JD Vance.

[–] [email protected] 20 points 1 day ago (1 children)

Based on his imposter act later in which he asked other people for thanks, I think he’s just Copy of JD, but dumber

[–] [email protected] 4 points 1 day ago

Yeah, it’s like the copy of the copy from multiplicity.

[–] [email protected] 87 points 1 day ago (1 children)

Everyone should start using tiny red mats like you'd see in a kitchen or bathroom.

[–] [email protected] 18 points 1 day ago (2 children)

With “Gnome Sweet Gnome” on it.

Then we start calling Rubio Gnome of State and variations. Just mock him mercilessly.

[–] [email protected] 1 points 7 hours ago

i like gnomes tho

[–] [email protected] 3 points 1 day ago

And put something slick under it so they slip

[–] [email protected] 27 points 1 day ago

Looks like it leads right into a puddle too.

[–] [email protected] 54 points 1 day ago

Well played, Canada!

[–] [email protected] 42 points 1 day ago (1 children)
[–] [email protected] 18 points 23 hours ago

I like that it leads directly into a puddle.

[–] foxlore 34 points 1 day ago (1 children)

Roll out the red bath towel. He's not important enough for the beach towel

[–] [email protected] 7 points 1 day ago (1 children)
[–] [email protected] 2 points 22 hours ago

A hand towel that a dog with an enlarged prostate pissed on.

[–] [email protected] 38 points 1 day ago

Proportional for Little Marco

[–] [email protected] 26 points 1 day ago

How about the door mat that says go away?

[–] [email protected] 24 points 1 day ago (1 children)

Is this abnormal? Are there images of other people getting normal-sized red carpets?

[–] [email protected] 26 points 1 day ago* (last edited 1 day ago) (2 children)

If I had to guess, I'd say that others wouldn't have gotten a red carpet at all. It doesn't exactly serve a function, and I've never heard of anyone receiving one.

After looking it up, though, it appears that "Heads of State" use them on "ceremonial and formal occasions". Wiki link here.

Edit: Barack Obama was photographed with a large red carpet going down the length of Air Force One's stairs. The one for Rubio is miniscule in comparison.

[–] [email protected] 8 points 1 day ago (1 children)

It's sized proportionally to the hand size of the commander in chief at the time.

[–] [email protected] 4 points 1 day ago (1 children)

Or some other body part...

[–] [email protected] 1 points 1 day ago

Well, then it should just be a very small mushroom-shaped carpet

[–] [email protected] 5 points 1 day ago

The details on that picture say that it's at Andrews Air Force Base, so it's the US military providing the US president with a red carpet / staircase.

Alamy has a bunch of photos of John Kerry travelling by airplane and while sometimes there's a red carpet or a red staircase, other times there's nothing.

[–] [email protected] 7 points 1 day ago

What's the problem, it seems to be appropriately sized for Little Marco

[–] [email protected] 6 points 1 day ago

This admin is trying to destroy comedy

[–] [email protected] 12 points 1 day ago

this is the craziest timeline

[–] [email protected] 5 points 1 day ago

Should have stayed in Never-Never-Land, Rubio!