Melbourne

So, my downvoter is obviously targetting anything I wrote with obvious transgender references. Mods, I can't report them, but its very obvious. I can't even block them. It's deliberate and designed to wear me down. People say, be resilient, but that doesn't help. People say their allies, but it's all talk and no real action. .

Also, Nath, Please take the time to read the report into trans hate. https://transjustice.org.au/wp-content/uploads/2023/08/Fuelling-Hate-Anti-Trans-Abuse-Harassment-and-Vilification-WEB-SINGLES-1-1.pdf

It's pointless writing no transphobia if you don't know how to recognise it, where it comes from or what to actually do about it. Blocking and banning people does nothing, people just re-sign up and continue their beligerence in a new name. This is why I'm thinking of leaving and it means the transphobic loser wins. It's highly likely to be one of the regular posters here too.

There was a show on channel 7 last night again spreading complete lies about trans and gender diverse people and used people's photos without their consent. This is real and why I'm not in the mood much to report people here. I'll be writing complaint letters today and helping those who are now suffering because of their parents and such watched this crap and are fielding questions on where to turn for support. I do all this as a volunteer. I have a normal job too. I'm about at my capacity of dealing with the microaggressions and I'd like you to use what powers you have to stop the fucker from downvoting trans content. It seems silly and small, but no one else has been targeted.

Also remember, I now am about to catch public transport to about the only safe job I can find at the moment looking obviously trans the morning after this bullshit aired. It's not that I'll think I'll be targeted, but it's fucking anxiety inducing. Just remember, I'm not making up straw man arguments to bitch. I could a victim, THIS MORNING.

Sorry kids, have a nice day and enjoy bacon's breakfast.

The driving lesson went great, I even drove on one of the main roads. The instructor is very nice and really calm and understanding. Will definitely do another lesson with her.

Slow start to the day but I just wanna say good morning motherfuckers. I'm getting shit done and feeling confident about it!

I am having a sort of low grade but continuous panic attack. I have a big conference coming up and I don't feel grown up enough to network (even though it's my job) and I have so much to do. Everything feels like a mess and I can't seem to get enough focus to make any inroads on anything. I am scared of failing. I think I like things better when they are a struggle and I have nothing to lose. For once things are going well and I am so scared of stuffing it up.

Stupid brain

God I absolutely despise when those executive high up gronks from companies go on the radio and and act like they understand. Fuck off, you don't understand shit, you would have no problems with like... Being afford to live

So after a few weeks of mental anguish I have applied for four jobs today.

I'm just trying to celebrate the small wins, because big ones seem so far out of reach still.

I have no desire to leave the house due to excessive Weatherness so I'm instead doing weird house things like sorting the towel cupboard and washboarding stains off cleaning cloths in between bouts of work.

I also hope to solve the eternal conudrum of where to store the clotheshorse.

I've seen enough movies to know something is buried here...

Biscoff Cheesecake 🔥

Won a grand last night and decided to grab a snack and head to bed. Woke up at 7am and decided to go downstairs to cross off one of my to-do list items: McDonald's McGriddles.. $7 each? Yikes that is STEEP! Still, crossed that off the list, won another $600 and have returned to bed.

Photo of a McGriddle in case you're unfamiliar. It's like a McMuffin but little maple syrup infused pikelets instead of muffins.

rolls out of bed and into floor

whines

Rolls out door and down hallway

continues whining

Went to a town out in the Arizona desert called Oatman today, out on the famous Route 66. Thing about Oatman is that it's home to wild donkeys who just hang about and receive pats and nibbles from people.

I have a few great photos but I'll post this one.. because it's always good to start the work week with a little ass.

Had my first PT sesh since before lockdown today. Fuck I feel good! Ready to smash out a day of work.

Enjoy your day everyone ❤️

Went through gtown station and accidentally got 2 potato cakes.

I said never again before.

i feel great shame.

I just fed my poor innocent cat her laxative… 😔 There will be tummy aches tonight. Cuddles will be dispensed.

Unrelated, does life lately feel incredibly tough for everyone else? Like you work hard but never catch a break and nothing can ever go smoothly

Today was a rest day for me from exercises but not anything else. Work was flat out, which I don't have any issues with handling. Everything is organised and scheduled and methodical at work. I can handle every single appliance and piece of equipment running all at once with everyone conversing and the radio over the top with no problems.

It was at home later on that I started to feel a bit overwhelmed and feeling like a kind of chaotic sensory overload was happening. The hasty cooking of dinner for hungry family waiting, quickly trying to tidy the house which is always in a worse state than when I left this morning and my efforts feel futile, noise from everyone's screens, my MILs TV blaring through the wall from the next room, the drummer from the band a few doors down practising, the wind buffeting the house, the ceaseless requests for post dinner food, drinks, snacks and attention from every family member, Mr Peeler making lots of "in pain and everything is hard" noises.. it sort of all got a bit much? I went to my room and did some deep breathing/meditation and managed to calm down and block a lot of it out. Haven't had to do that for a while. Now I feel sort of muted and tired, a bit deflated or something. Just tired I guess.

Melbcat has been to the vet… Unpleasant, she hated it but there have been some promising results and there’s follow up medicine to give her. She’s got another appointment booked in in case she needs to go back.

Ate too much and now I'm fat
Chillin' in my oodie with the cat
Rice and broccolini, egg, mettwurst
I'm going nuclear, I'm gonna burst.

Venus is looking awesome up there, so bright.

Giving into the urge that is largerly being fed by the windy overcast weather to sit my arse on the couch and reschedule adult things for tomorrow.

So I bumped into someone who used to live at my previous place at the shops today. It brought back so much fear and trauma I didn't even know was there. I'm not sure he recognised me, but I froze up as soon as I recognised him and basically ran out of the shops. I'm still really kind of terrified now, because he tends to fixate on things a lot, and although I'm not sure he immediately recognised me, I saw him thinking. He's also the type of person to not let things go and obsess over them until he gets extremely angry and goes on a warpath.

But now I know he visits my closest shops, not really sure what to do. I can't exactly keep going back there, but if he goes to those shops there's a moderate probability he lives around the same area I do. So that's an absolutely terrifying thought

Sun!!!!

My partner is in a new role and is run off her feet. I have had nothing to do at work for about a week now....

The wind is making me feel very unsettled. I feel like I should be doing something, but I don't know what. I'm trying to avoid filling my time by constant eating. I did finish off my gardening asignments this morning, but am struggling to focus on the housing unit now. Maybe I should try vacuuming the house. Then the cat can join me in being unsettled too.

Whoops. Meant to spend half an hour fixing up this code so it doesn't annoy me, but ended up spending 3 hours rewriting parts of it.

got a new jigsaw today, it's lovely :) I love the ones of paintings.

spoiler

I have secured a metric fuck-tonne of Fancy Feast cat food free of charge. The thing is it went out of date end of August. Does that stuff really go off in such a manner that not even iron guts felines can’t eat it? I mean, cats can eat some weird shit, should this be a concern?

Am supposed to go to a physio appointment today but I think I'll cancel. Between having a shit sleep, and having to go see a dude about a car at some point today I just can't be bothered hiking all the way out east.

I am really loving the temperature. Not the wind. But this is good enough for me to finish lunch quickly and get another walk.