this post was submitted on 18 Nov 2024
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[–] [email protected] 6 points 1 day ago

What? No window?

[–] [email protected] 10 points 1 day ago

Ah the ol’ defenestration situation.

[–] [email protected] 15 points 1 day ago (1 children)
[–] [email protected] 5 points 1 day ago

This is Russia, no joke.

[–] [email protected] 86 points 2 days ago (1 children)

I mean ballet dancers are known for being klutzy and prone to tripping over their own feet. Right?

[–] [email protected] 9 points 1 day ago

Happens all the time, it's why they recommend you don't practice ballet on slippery roofs.

[–] [email protected] 296 points 2 days ago (1 children)

Ballet stars, and their notoriously poor balance.

[–] [email protected] 45 points 2 days ago (1 children)

He seems to have astonishing balance for someone with one leg

[–] [email protected] 5 points 1 day ago

His other leg:

[–] [email protected] 116 points 2 days ago (2 children)
[–] [email protected] 16 points 2 days ago

don't worry this is just normal tea I offer before I throw you off building

[–] [email protected] 34 points 2 days ago

"haha no problem, this is polonium tea"

[–] [email protected] 5 points 1 day ago

[Official KGB Statement]

We are shocked - SHOCKED! - to hear that our esteemed citizen, Vladimir Shklyarov, has taken his final bow on the great stage of life. We cannot stress enough that this was an honest and completely-not-at-all-intentional incident.

It appears (and we're not saying it's a coincidence at all) that Mr. Shklyarov was simply... um, reenacting a particularly rambunctious pas de deux with the building itself. Yes, you heard us right - he was doing a dance move so dramatic, so full of life, and so bereft of any actual physical control, that it could have been misinterpreted as an "accident" (we're sure).

We've spoken to his ex-wife, who claims he was trying to "dramatically" exit the apartment by stepping off the balcony (she's a bit of a drama queen herself, we hear). But we know the truth - he was simply on a mission to break the world record for most consecutive pirouettes in a single building.

The local reports of him being "trapped" in his apartment are, of course, completely fabricated. We're pretty sure it was just a... creative interpretation of the situation (wink, wink). And as for the painkillers? Oh no, those were just a bit of a... well, we won't mention that.

We'd like to remind everyone that in Russia, we have a saying: "The show must go on - and sometimes, it's better to let the curtains come crashing down." We're confident that Vladimir would have wanted it that way.

So, in light of this tragic... event (we'll get to the word 'tragic' later), we'd like to propose an official KGB investigation into the "unlucky" circumstances surrounding Mr. Shklyarov's passing. We're sure it will be a thorough and completely-not-at-all-biased inquiry.

[–] [email protected] 173 points 2 days ago* (last edited 2 days ago) (4 children)

A nice window to the future for US citizens critical of their government... a window ripe for defenestration...

If I die mysteriously from a fall, please refer to this comment.

[–] [email protected] 79 points 2 days ago (7 children)

Actually you will probably die in a Tesla whose doors do not open https://www.msn.com/en-gb/news/world/friends-trapped-in-tesla-burned-to-death-when-electronic-doors-failed-to-open-after-crash/ar-AA1tWPYH

Or which just hits you: https://www.washingtonpost.com/technology/2023/06/10/tesla-autopilot-crashes-elon-musk/

I mean now where Teslas are probably the next mandatory car for state officials. And after some "Think Tank" will be pretty sure that all the saftey fuss about autopilots is bad for the economy.

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[–] [email protected] 179 points 3 days ago (2 children)

Stay on the ground floor, Russians.

[–] [email protected] 54 points 2 days ago (1 children)

Heart attacks happens on every floor.

[–] [email protected] 44 points 2 days ago (1 children)

So do poisonings, and shootings but we're just mitigating circumstances here lol.

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[–] [email protected] 43 points 2 days ago* (last edited 2 days ago) (8 children)

So many people fall from their windows or balconies in Russia that I am surprised they are still legal

[–] [email protected] 22 points 2 days ago (1 children)

Someone pushed for a new law outlawing them, but the efforts ended after he accidentally fell off a balcony to his death.

[–] [email protected] 9 points 1 day ago

his proposal had quite the impact, they say.

[–] [email protected] 12 points 1 day ago

they are still legal

People?!

[–] [email protected] 15 points 2 days ago (6 children)

It's to make the point that they were murdered. It's a fear tactic with plausible deniability.

[–] [email protected] 5 points 1 day ago

It's like how so many people in America did by hitting bullets with their squishy bodies.

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[–] [email protected] 8 points 2 days ago

Comrade Putin thanks you for your contribution, we will do as you suggest and make people illegal.

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[–] [email protected] 99 points 2 days ago (20 children)
[–] [email protected] 38 points 2 days ago* (last edited 2 days ago)

You're just blessed enough not to recognize gallows humor. We're actually jealous of you.

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[–] [email protected] 127 points 3 days ago (2 children)

They don't have any budget to do it differently or it's a power move, like, it's not official but you know it?

[–] [email protected] 179 points 3 days ago (6 children)

It's a calling card. Everyone knows what happened, not a single soul will comment on it. Unless they fancy being the next up for flight lessons.

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[–] [email protected] 63 points 2 days ago (2 children)

Russia be slippery. My heart goes out to these rare brave souls in a land of cowards.

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[–] [email protected] 52 points 2 days ago (2 children)

In another article emergency services responded with this gem.

He died a natural death. It’s not a crime.

should we be worried

[–] [email protected] 3 points 1 day ago

Everything is fine, nothing to see here. Now if you'll excuse me, I'm just going home. To my family. Which I love very much. And who I would never put in danger by not doing my job exactly as instructed.

[–] [email protected] 26 points 2 days ago (3 children)

cause of death: the natural impact of cement on the body experienced after a perfectly natural fall

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[–] [email protected] 43 points 2 days ago (3 children)
[–] [email protected] 8 points 2 days ago

It's only Tuesday

[–] [email protected] 1 points 1 day ago (1 children)

Colonel Vadim Boyko 2022

Shot himself 5 times in the chest. Russia not even trying to hide it

[–] [email protected] 1 points 1 day ago

Yeah, it's an interesting list.

[–] [email protected] 5 points 1 day ago (1 children)

"Fell out of window."

"He was on the ground floor."

"Fell out of window and face-planted twenty-six times."

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[–] [email protected] 63 points 2 days ago (7 children)

I imagine Russia is like the Star Wars setting, lots of crazy steep drops and they never install railings.

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[–] [email protected] 30 points 2 days ago (2 children)

How long before windows make it to the statistics of average deaths per-year in Russia?

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