this post was submitted on 25 Oct 2024
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Lemmy Shitpost

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Welcome to Lemmy Shitpost. Here you can shitpost to your hearts content.

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[–] [email protected] 6 points 2 hours ago

I'm going for a piss

Oh yeah, want some help with that?

[–] [email protected] 13 points 3 hours ago

I’d probably try outside if I was going to let a woman try to hold it and aim, otherwise they’re gonna miss from just piss-poor aim or I’d start getting hard and that would make it even harder to aim.

[–] [email protected] 68 points 6 hours ago (3 children)
[–] [email protected] 5 points 3 hours ago (2 children)

It never stops being scary seeing adult and married people unable to do things you expect children to get right.

[–] [email protected] 5 points 32 minutes ago* (last edited 32 minutes ago) (1 children)

I dont understand how you dont question a jpeg. A child made this meme. It did not happen.

Now if it were a png, thats a good source. Theres a lot more transparency.

[–] [email protected] 1 points 25 minutes ago

This comment made me remove both my femurs.

[–] [email protected] 1 points 3 hours ago* (last edited 3 hours ago) (1 children)

Ehhhh, I dawnt reely no if it matters to much. Wut reely matters is that a purson can bee under stood. Thats the point of langwege.

I no a man hoo rites like this and calls PayPal pay pow, but he is a numbers jeenyus hoo duz complex calculashins n his hed like yoo hav nevur seen.

He can’t spell his damn name to save his life, but he’s a genius in ways that constantly blow me away. He draws complex diagrams by hand of every system he builds by hand. If anyone were ever to work behind him on something they’re very familiar with, they’d have to tear it all down and rebuild it because he just invents his own way as he goes. He has no real education either. I can’t imagine what kind of powerhouse he could be if he’d ever been afforded a chance to really learn.

I’d trade my abilities with written language for his skills any day.

[–] [email protected] 4 points 2 hours ago (1 children)

I read your first paragraph before giving up. You can't be understood if people give up communicating with you entirely.

[–] [email protected] 4 points 2 hours ago

You’re better than me. I didn’t even make it through the first sentence before I collapsed the comment and moved on lol.

[–] [email protected] 4 points 3 hours ago

Yeah, that made my brain short out for a second. :p

[–] [email protected] 31 points 6 hours ago

Maybe she should try more quietly.

[–] [email protected] 48 points 6 hours ago (4 children)

I like how they censor the "C" in dick so it's just "DIK"

I found that funnier than the whole rest of it lol

[–] [email protected] 13 points 5 hours ago (1 children)

dik was an animation studio once upon a time

[–] [email protected] 20 points 5 hours ago

I instantly heard it. DEEK

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[–] [email protected] 35 points 7 hours ago (1 children)

pissing all by yourself, handsome?

[–] [email protected] 5 points 1 hour ago

Not anymore.

[–] [email protected] 71 points 8 hours ago

Still a better love story than twilight.

[–] [email protected] 17 points 6 hours ago (1 children)

Tried this once, wife's aim was terrible. Was years ago, may try again at some point XD

[–] [email protected] 21 points 5 hours ago (2 children)

To be fair to your wife, we have been practicing with it since we were toddlers.

[–] [email protected] 4 points 1 hour ago (1 children)

And she's only getting half of the controls with no coordination between the two. She doesn't know how strong of a stream you're giving her and you can't adjust it based on where she plans to point your dick.

[–] [email protected] 2 points 48 minutes ago

You're quite the piss scientist I see!

[–] [email protected] 5 points 2 hours ago (2 children)

Standing to pee is a learned skill. Trans guys who buy a stand to pee device are all recommended to practice in the shower first.

[–] [email protected] 2 points 46 minutes ago

I can definitely see why it would be harder than the real thing. Also didn't know that existed, link (NSFW) pretty cool.

[–] [email protected] 4 points 2 hours ago

It certainly is! That's really interesting. I didn't even consider how transitioning changes the way one would use the toilet. I can totally see needing to practice in the shower with the device.

[–] [email protected] 100 points 9 hours ago (1 children)

my prostate would switch to happy mode and probably wouldn't be able to pee

[–] [email protected] 34 points 9 hours ago (2 children)

It's difficult but not impossible

[–] [email protected] 59 points 8 hours ago* (last edited 8 hours ago) (1 children)
[–] [email protected] 33 points 8 hours ago (1 children)
[–] [email protected] 12 points 6 hours ago* (last edited 6 hours ago)

You woodn't think it's possible

[–] [email protected] 10 points 7 hours ago

You can cheat by doing it right after ejaculation.

[–] [email protected] 35 points 9 hours ago (1 children)

aloud

That's quite the sound

[–] [email protected] 7 points 4 hours ago

Nonono, peeing is when stuff comes out. Sounding is when stuff goes in. Easy mistake to make.

[–] [email protected] 25 points 8 hours ago* (last edited 8 hours ago) (1 children)

A great shitpost about pee ... beautifully done ... now I gotta go pee ... by myself ... with no one holding my pee pee .. so they don't do a helicopter while I pee

[–] [email protected] 11 points 6 hours ago (1 children)

You can hold it and copter yourself

[–] [email protected] 3 points 2 hours ago

Coptering a feel

[–] [email protected] 19 points 8 hours ago (1 children)

Reminds me of the almighty Hippopotamus doing the helicopter with his tail while taking a dump. Shit hits the fan. Shits supergreen too. When I see a pond full of algae I am careful, hippo might be closeby...

[–] [email protected] 16 points 7 hours ago (1 children)

And the funny thing is, as over the top satirical as you're being, it's not actually bad advice. More people die from hippo attacks than sharks or alligators.

Hippos are big dumb assholes, but they are POWERFULL!!!! You don't fuck with hippos, you don't fuck with moose, and you don't fuck with polar bears.

You know that phrase about bears? If it's it's brown, lay down. If it's black, fight back."? Well hippos have a phrase too.

"If it's a hippo, fuck you!"

[–] [email protected] 4 points 7 hours ago (1 children)

Luckily we only have the tardigrades where I am from, those microscopic bears.

[–] [email protected] 1 points 2 hours ago

Damn are you living in Earth's upper atmosphere?

[–] [email protected] 11 points 8 hours ago (1 children)

My wife asked for this. Lol

[–] [email protected] 6 points 6 hours ago

I've definitely let my wife write her name.

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