Honestly, I was happy my parents were being cheap and bought me a manual for my first car. It made driving automatics later on so easy and they were right at least a few times. They told me there would be times where I may be stuck if I didn't know how to drive a manual. I ended up driving a few friends home in their manual at a time there were no taxis or ridesharing in our area.
Like everyone said it becomes second nature, even if you're learning automatic... You just have to manage your anxiety. The 3 people through out my life who I know absolutely should not be on the road took multiple physical driving tests on an automatic but are so anxious on the road, they were a danger to others. I'm hoping your description above is just because you're a new driver, experiencing new driver things. I was that scared and not very good either when I started and also was uncertain of myself. I'm happy I stuck with it and it does become second nature if your anxiety is within normal limits. Best wishes on your driving adventures