I think the "oh, fuck, that was an invitation!" moment several minutes/hours after the fact is one of the most universal moments.
this post was submitted on 09 Sep 2024
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Years.
Lifetimes. Because I haven't had it yet...
(ok maybe I would if I talked to women in the first place)
One time a girl invited me to sleep with her, and I looked at her filthy pillowcases and bullshitted my way into sleeping on her couch, after countering her insistence with the extreme option of “if you’re not gonna let me sleep on your couch, I’m going home.”
I thought she literally meant actual sleep, and what she wanted was sex.
I slept on her couch and she sobbed softly through a closed door.
I found out about a decade later, from a mutual friend, that girl had the biggest hots for me and was gonna stop at nothing to fuck me.
Well, she was stopped by my obliviousness.
I was ace and sex-repulsed even back then, so even if I had figured her out, I prolly would have had a small panic attack and tried to go home.
honestly if her pillowcases actually weren't clean, that's on her lol
Everyone knows you change the sheets and clean the bathroom if you're having company.
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Yup. The first one I remember is a concert where I went to see the opener and didn't much care for the main act. While I was on the floor during the opening act, I was next to a girl who seemed similarly enthused about that band. We definitely both noticed each other fangirling over this relatively unknown opening act. Then, afterward, I bumped into her on the balcony while the main act was playing, and she's like "these guys kinda suck right? I think I'm gonna head out and get a drink at $nearby_bar". And I totally missed the hint.
I just now realized this girl may have been interested in me 11 years ago. Later virgins.
Is it too late to make a move?
nahh bro go for it
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When I was 19, a girl told me at a party that I was the coolest guy in school. I was just flattered by the compliment and when I told my girlfriend about it later she said "Yeah she was totally hitting on you".
I was like "Nah! Her? No way!"
Years later, I randomly thought about it and went "oh my god, she was hitting on me!"
I know that this is a male pov but seriously that is also an L for the lady. Can't be throwing hints and expect everyone to be Mr hint getter
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To be fair, it could have just as easily been:
"You know, my shift is almost over (so I really want to pack my shit and get out of here)" to which anon had a good response.
I have been specifically and repeatedly told women at work don’t want flirting or any other interpersonal interactions. So that shit is shut completely off when in public.
And that's absolutely true! Until the one time it's not, and then it's your fault for not knowing.
TBF, I normally go by "off limits unless they make an obvious move".
Which the cashier definitely did. Of course, like the OP I wouldn't realize it till later...
The hard part is the knowing that so called obvious move.
You can usually tell by their feet. For example, if they're behind their head.
Hindsight is always 20:20.
Just wait patiently for the realisation that'll pop into your head 2 years later just as you're falling asleep .
I also go by "off limits unless they make an obvious move". I've never been in a relationship but maybe that's a feature not a bug.
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But was it an obvious move, or did you read too much into the friendliness they're paid to show all customers?
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That is 100% me. I've had many friends tell me someone was into me but I'm usually oblivious. I never want anyone to feel awkward or intruded upon and basically never act on such opportunities. I would love to, but my mind is usually partitioned off on a half dozen other projects, and at least one big rabbit hole of a curiosity. I have the capacity to shift my attention, but it takes someone being quite forward or otherwise remarkable in ways beyond a casual encounter or simple looks to capture my attention in a way where I might take spontaneous initiative. Basically, every girl I encounter is like my sister on a platonic level unless I have a clear indication otherwise. All my long term relationships are from social encounters with friends of friends where over time I could tell there was clear chemistry. Just saying, if you're a girl, being direct and forward is quite effective with some of us, especially the more quiet types.
I'm 40 and married yet I still get the cringe memory of when I was 20 and a girl I knew, took me to dinner, paid, and drove me home to celebrate my new job. Years later she told me she liked me and I never made a move at the dinner date. That was when I first realized it was a date and I blew it.
I still cringe at the memory
To be fair it's kinda her fault for not stating her intentions clearly. Sure you could argue there was supposed to be some mind reading or unspoken social cues going on but we all know that's not obvious enough. You were both young and inexperienced.
Yep. Women are allowed to be awkward at getting what they want too.
To be fair, I'm married and frequently misunderstand my SO, and it doesn't help that they have a different native language. For example, when they say, "we're out of X," I take that as informative, not a request to go get more X. But sometimes I catch on, like this morning (WFH today) when they said, "are you busy?" (or similar) and I correctly interpreted that as "I want sex." You win some and you lose some; sometimes I'm in the dog house, and other times I'm pounding out a quickie in the middle of the day.
There is always that moment, for me its a girl who took my sunglasses home, because we were out drinking the night before, then invited me in for a beer when I went to pick it up, I was like, nah thanks had too much yesterday and left. To my defense though, I thought he had a longtime boyfriend whom I knew so I didn't even think about her romantically, turns out they were broken up for a few months already. Well what you gonna do.
"Payed" is a nautical term, ya limp cucklet
They didn't even use "cuck" correctly.
She dodged a bullet
Here, I'll make a lot of you oblivious folk feel better about yourselves. I've been propositioned at a house sex party and I was still completely oblivious.
I once had a girl say "when am I going to get to feel that cock of yours inside of me?" and I somehow missed her intent.
I went skinny dipping with a coworker after work. The thought never crossed my mind. I thought we were just doing dumb stuff. Ten years later is when I realized that I am stupid.
I once didn’t notice a topless woman sitting on me was flirting.
Wait shit that may have happened multiple times, though the second one I think realized he was a guy a few months later.
A friend once invited me to go watch a movie with her and a couple friends. When I arrived she told me that the others couldn't make it and she offered me a cocktail. I accepted, watched the movie (on opposite ends of the sofa) and went home. A couple months later I found out that the others were never invited.
This might be more her fault than mine, though.
I remember I was walking through a mall carrying a gift bag full of chocolates for my mom. It was one of those places that gives out those special types of gift bags so it was pretty obvious what I was carrying. I passed by one of those kiosks that sell phone cases and I heard the girl running the place call out to me. I politely waved at her and said "No, thank you." And walked away. After I got out of the mall I realized the girl said "Oh, are those for me? You're so nice!"
I thought she was trying to sell me something...
I can tell you from experience that there's a 90% chance she absolutely was trying to draw you in to sell you something
The rent on those mall kiosks is insane, like ten to twenty grand a month (at least it used to be that, back when people actually went to malls). So anybody working them is going to be under intense pressure to sell shit.
I used to try to politely decline, now I just wave and say I'm not interested. If they try to change the script, "I'm not selling anything," I just repeat myself and they get the hint. I used to feel bad, but then I realized it saves them and me some time, so I'm probably doing them a favor.
Or just bagging some free premium chocolate
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Reading through the comments here makes one thing apparent again: clear and direct communication about one's intentions can solve all of these misunderstandings. Being upfront will avoid that unnecessary "are they into me or not" over-analasys or missing such more or less subtle hints at all.
If you're interested in someone, go for them! Tell them about your interest. It benefits you both. They'll know, which can help in case they're interested as well, and you'll know what to expect whether they're interested or not. This can also save you a lot of time, heart- and headache.
I was at a bar (with a partner at the time, who was on the dance floor) and a girl came up to me and started a conversation about her college classes and her puppetry. I though it was cool! We had a good conversation and the girl's sister eventually pulled her away. My then partner came up and told me she was totally interested. I was like "Her? Nah, we were just talking about some cool hobby stuff!" She was totally into me apparently.
Note: My partner was not upset, she was a very sexually progressive person and even suggested I get her number. I'm a one person kinda lad though.
Sounds like she dodged a bullet there.
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