this post was submitted on 03 Sep 2024
39 points (100.0% liked)

The Monkey's Paw

600 readers
1 users here now

Want to make a wish? Just ask the Monkey’s Paw! No strings attached.*

Just create a post that starts with “I wish ___”. Other users will then grant you the wish, and probably not how you intended.

^(*)^ ^Strings^ ^definitely^ ^attached.^ ^Satisfaction^ ^not^ ^guaranteed.^ ^Wish^ ^will^ ^likely^ ^backfire.^

founded 1 year ago
MODERATORS
top 19 comments
sorted by: hot top controversial new old
[–] [email protected] 46 points 2 months ago (1 children)

your house no longer allows you inside. you are the source of mess

[–] [email protected] 11 points 2 months ago (1 children)

Your house let's you in, however it notices that you are full of dirty bacteria that need cleaning. Now how to reach those nasty bacteria in your gut?

[–] [email protected] 6 points 2 months ago

This sounds like something that would happen in the show "Eureka."

[–] [email protected] 23 points 2 months ago (1 children)

Granted. Being truly clean will of course demand sterilization. As part of a daily cleaning cycle the house seals itself and becomes an autoclave. The building becomes pressurized and the temperature is raised to 270 degrees fahrenheit for 20 minutes. You'll probably wanna be gone when it happens.

[–] [email protected] 2 points 2 months ago

Truly incredible

[–] [email protected] 20 points 2 months ago

The house now excretes all rubbish out the back, which needs to be shoveled into bags.

It will need regular trips to the vet.

[–] [email protected] 13 points 2 months ago (1 children)

It grows a tongue and cleans itself like a cat.

[–] zero_spelled_with_an_ecks 2 points 2 months ago

My favorite.

[–] [email protected] 6 points 2 months ago (1 children)

Granted. There is a faulty wire, and your house sets itself on fire. Every stain, cobweb, misplaced item, trash bin and general mess is now gone, along with everything else.

[–] zero_spelled_with_an_ecks 2 points 2 months ago* (last edited 2 months ago)

Does it at least make sure the ashes get swept up?

I lived in a place with some spooky electricity. Both the hot water heater and the dishwasher tried to light themselves on fire.

[–] [email protected] 5 points 2 months ago

It will always miss a spot. Different each time so you don't always know where to find it.

[–] [email protected] 5 points 2 months ago

Granted. It considers anything even remotely out of place to be a mess, even living things moving within it. It is very zealous about cleaning itself and instantly deposits any mess into a trash bin.

[–] [email protected] 5 points 2 months ago

It only cleans when everyone is asleep a randomly reorganizes the entire house at random intervals and uses a different system every time

[–] [email protected] 5 points 2 months ago (1 children)

Granted. You are now half an inch tall and live inside a human being who showers daily.

[–] zero_spelled_with_an_ecks 2 points 2 months ago

Ms Frizzle forgot me on that school trip.

[–] [email protected] 4 points 2 months ago* (last edited 2 months ago)

Granted, your house cleans itself inside and out. However, it deems everything outside to be unclean and therefore a danger to it. It goes on a cleaning rampage that is only ended when the army blows it up. You are now homeless. Any home you own from now on will also clean itself in the same way.

[–] [email protected] 4 points 2 months ago

Granted. Everything where it is is now it's designated location. If it or anything else is out of place, it is removed.

[–] [email protected] 4 points 2 months ago (1 children)

Ever see that Soviet adaptation of There Will Come Soft Rains?

[–] [email protected] 3 points 2 months ago