A place for majestic STEMLORD peacocking, as well as memes about the realities of working in a lab.
Rules
This is a science community. We use the Dawkins definition of meme.
You can easily tell them apart by cutting them with a knife: The false brown cap will show a stronger blue discoloration under ultraviolet light if the soil contains manganese at >20% bioavailable water content, and the temperature didn't drop below 12 degrees Celsius in the past month.
That's good, I don't want to bleed out my ass and deserve it.
If you do all the tests and still die bleeding out your ass, they might update the test and rename it after you.
That's a few check boxes that need to be filled so I Don't die.
A general rule is if it has pores instead of gills, you’re probably in the clear.
Except for that one in Europe, that shit will megadeath you.
In all seriousness, the general rule I’ve heard for foraging wild unknown things is:
Roots are generally OK, particularly if you have access to double boil them.
For mushrooms:
I am by no means an expert. I’m just a rando guy from Appalachia with some wild ass Russian buds and we do some funky shit down here. Take everything I say with as much trust as you give to anyone on the Internet.
When in doubt, take it to an expert and even then, consume at your own risk tolerance.
That's interesting, my general rule for foraging wild unknown things is: don't.
There was a guy a few years ago who tried to live off grid. He died, having left behind a journal detailing his final days. In it, he logged the exact process you outlined above for various things he foraged, which included wild potato seeds. Turns out those things pass all the above tests, but contain a deadly neurotoxin that builds up over time (that even modern science didn't really know about). Poor guy starved because he was too weak to even crawl.
nature be scary fellow humans. Be careful out there.
He also wandered into the Alaskan wilderness with basically just a sack of rice and a .22lr rifle.
He was a a couple miles from safety the entire time, but did not buy a map so believed he was stranded when the river rose and cut off the main trail. But there was another trail with a raised cable crossing over the river a few miles upstream.
He was totally unprepared and essentially just committed extended suicide. The fact that he remembered some basic tips from a Boy Scout handbook doesn’t mean he was an expert. Kid was an idiot who got in way over his head.
That some guy ISNT JUST ANY GUY! 😤
The point of my comment was to highlight that even if you follow all the good advice, there's still a chance you discover some new things that will kill you.
For mushrooms the only good advice is, if you don't know what you are doing, don't go foraging for mushrooms. Rules and guidelines that apply for one region might not work for another. The risk reward never works out if you're inexperienced. You either get a tasty treat or incurable certain death. It's not a great gamble.
Sure, and I suppose you’re going to advise me not to do my own electrical home wiring either. 😛
If you're even half competent, you could (not recommended) actually do some basic electrical work at home and come out of it alive and well after a few youtube videos and some reasonable precautions. I can't same the same about mushroom foraging.
People are shocked when they find out how bad I am at electrical work!
You either get a ~~tasty treat~~ bland, mild dirt flavor or incurable certain death.
FTFY
Here's a general rule for foraging mushrooms; don't use "general rules".
Also; "don’t eat it if it bruises blue", you'll miss out on all the fun ones with this advice.
don't eat it if it bruises blue
Or do if you're up for an interesting time and it passes the test above. Eat about three grams for some nice sights and 6 before sitting in a dark, cool room to meet something unknown
If it bruises blue, cut off a very thin slice from the center of the stalk and put it on agar until it creates mycellium. There's some other stuff you need after that which I'll be happy to help you with.
I am by no means an expert. I’m just a rando guy from Appalachia with some wild ass Russian buds and we do some funky shit down here. Take everything I say with as much trust as you give to anyone on the Internet.
Best disclaimer ever.
you’re probably in the clear. Except for that one
Looks like the meme is accurate
Do you mean 'pores instead of gills' ? I think all mushrooms produce spores, no?
Yep. Years ago I interviewed someone for a radio program here in the Netherlands. This was a forest ranger, on the topic of people foraging for mushrooms. It was the hip thing to do at the time.
He explained how wildly dangerous it is for average people to do. Especially when looking up things online.
He showed me two images that looked basically identical. He explained to me that one mushroom was edible and delicious. And that it could be found in the forests in the United States. The other, identical looking mushroom can be found in European forests. That one liquifies your internal organs and causes you to shit yourself to an agonising death.
He explained that each year a handful of people die from eating it. Because they looked up a guide online, and failed to understand that there’s regional differences between edible and deadly mushrooms. And by the time they got medical attention, there was nothing that could be done.
I’m not a fan of mushrooms anyway, but I’d certainly never be dumb enough to go pick some myself. That shit’ll get you killed.
In France you can take them to a pharmacy and they will be able to determine the mushrooms for you
The local pharmacist in my parent's village died from accidentally eating poisonous mushrooms ☹️
Should've done the French Pharmacists' education instead :p
I will never understand impulsive people who just DO things, with little thought or worry of consequences.
I just buy them in a growkit, that way they are fun an enjoyable
Don't be a shitty.
I remember going on a nature walk in Middle School, and our primary stoner/everyone's future dealer (we'll call him Nate because that was his name) picked and ate a random mushroom for the lols. I remember spending the entirety of that walk worrying about Nate's next couple of days. But as you likely pieced together, he was fine, and lived to become everyone's future dealer.
EDIT: For anyone wondering, it was one of those small, skinny, kind of spindly looking mushrooms. Almost like psilocybin but with a flatter cap.
The Modern Shaman, hero in the shadows we didn't know we needed.
A shitty what!?!?
We don't know. The original author died from eating a false brown cap before he could finish his guide 😞
Cropper of memes
Mycologist/forager I assume
Don't munch on a hunch
Some of the good tasting butterfiles evolved to taste foul to increase their chance of survival. Mushrooms on the other hand have mastered the art of deception. What can heal the brain can also force you to die a painful death.
If your family has been hunting mushrooms in the area for a few generations and you've been going with them as a kid (and you're not dumber than the mushrooms) you're almost certainly fine.
If not, don't bother, you'll end up poisoning yourself (and possibly others) and probably ruining the forest for those who know what they're doing.
Never had a problem in middle temperate Europe or heard about anyone who had.
I even pick up these fuckers https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Macrolepiota_procera though many avoid them because of relative similarities to https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Amanita_phalloides.
It is delicious and like the best nature has to offer here. You coat it in breadcrumbs and cook in oil on a pan. It tastes better than any steak. However it is a pain in the ass to find and a real treasure.
Can be confused with these deadly mushrooms too: https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Echinoderma_asperum (they are much closer looking than wiki suggests).
Still, one of my two most favorite mushrooms.
You apparently have a shitty mushroom guide.
Or live in Europe. Seriously, it's so much harder here, except for 3 or 4 really obvious but not that great tasting ones .
Yeah, the mushroom guides I use in the pages for the edible mushrooms normally alert to dangerous mushrooms that may be mistaken for that mushroom and outlines the differences.
FYI you can actually safely lick all mushrooms that we know off. The bad ones will taste bitter if there's every a confusion between the species. Though if you're really unsure don't risk it.