this post was submitted on 03 Jul 2024
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[–] [email protected] 105 points 2 months ago (4 children)

The gun is on the correct side of the plate for a right hand shooter, but should be laying on it's left side so that it can be picked up from above with the right hand.

[–] [email protected] 70 points 2 months ago (1 children)

Remove the /s, you are right and the commenter was ignorant of traditional American etiquette.

[–] [email protected] 18 points 2 months ago (1 children)

Can't I be both right and sarcastic?

[–] [email protected] 13 points 2 months ago

The best kind of sarcasm is right.

[–] [email protected] 27 points 2 months ago (2 children)

No, left side is correct for the breakfast gun.

A gun that size isn't actually big enough for situations where you need a gun, it's just meant to provide cover fire while you get a bigger better gun. You'll be using your left hand to fire the cover gun, so that your right hand is available for picking up the bigger gun. This has the additional benefit of leaving your dominant hand free to eat with.

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[–] [email protected] 76 points 2 months ago (5 children)

This picture is distinctly lacking in ultraprocessed sugary cereal and/or shelf-stable pastries.

[–] [email protected] 31 points 2 months ago (1 children)

Yeah, plus the cholesterol medication. Bonus points if the mobility chair is within sight.

[–] [email protected] 18 points 2 months ago

They're American. They can't afford cholesterol medication.

[–] [email protected] 6 points 2 months ago (3 children)

No I haven't eaten cereal or processed breakfast foods in decades. Just give me the eggs, bacon, sausage, toast with lots of butter and cheese. Where the fuck is the cheese?

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[–] [email protected] 69 points 2 months ago* (last edited 2 months ago) (7 children)

One egg!? I'm sorry is this the USSR?

[–] [email protected] 14 points 2 months ago (1 children)

On its own single egg plate. So fancy

[–] [email protected] 11 points 2 months ago

A real American would put the multiple eggs on top of the bacon

[–] [email protected] 11 points 2 months ago (3 children)

Close, but no, this is USSA. You missed by 4 kilometers.

[–] [email protected] 7 points 2 months ago (1 children)
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[–] [email protected] 8 points 2 months ago* (last edited 2 months ago)

No, this is clearly someone originally from Quebec. Because there, one egg is un ouef.

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[–] [email protected] 34 points 2 months ago (1 children)

It used to be, but at this point in history, that's like $300 worth of bacon.

[–] [email protected] 11 points 2 months ago (1 children)

From experience that is about $20-30.

[–] [email protected] 19 points 2 months ago (1 children)

Only one way to resolve this dispute: gentlemen, to your respective breakfast guns.

[–] [email protected] 9 points 2 months ago

Ok, but can't we just cook $300 worth of bacon and find out who is right and have enough bacon to stop my heart instead?

[–] [email protected] 33 points 2 months ago (19 children)

There's not nearly enough butter on that toast, not enough eggs, and where's the sausage? In Florida the breakfast gun goes on the dominant side with the grip out. Once alcohol is served the slide will be locked back. In particularly liberal circles the magazines will also be popped out. We aren't savages.

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[–] [email protected] 28 points 2 months ago* (last edited 2 months ago) (4 children)

The Breakfast Gun goes on whichever side the diner's firing hand is.

Edits below!

After some discussion and reflection, I agree with @[email protected] that the Breakfast Gun would indeed go on the left, "to show you plan for a peaceful meal."

Furthermore, presentation of Firearms depends on the level of dining:

At a polite table, guests are expected to lay their Meal Arms down holstered, so as not to soil the table linens. Placing a Meal Arm directly on the tablecloth is a sign of disrespect.

At a formal table, a Firearm Napkin will be provided for each diner. This allows diners to display their Meal Arms openly without soiling the linens.

At a "high table," Meal Arms will be provided by the host. These Arms, while fully functional, are adorned with many engravings and flourishes, as a demonstration of the host's status, and the diner's status as a guest at the table.

[–] [email protected] 7 points 2 months ago (1 children)

Real shooters can shoot with both hands.

[–] [email protected] 20 points 2 months ago (2 children)
[–] [email protected] 7 points 2 months ago (1 children)

What's this gif from? I NEED to watch this movie.

[–] [email protected] 10 points 2 months ago* (last edited 2 months ago) (4 children)
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[–] [email protected] 26 points 2 months ago (1 children)

Wait … I worry what you heard was, 'Give me a lot of bacon and eggs. ' What I said was, give me all the bacon and eggs you have ~ Ron Swanson

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[–] [email protected] 25 points 2 months ago* (last edited 2 months ago) (3 children)

Ok, first off....I usually have two eggs.

Second, it is with my Sig p365

So...checkmate!

[–] [email protected] 7 points 2 months ago

Also, there's only one starch. We have potatoes with our toast.

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[–] [email protected] 22 points 2 months ago (3 children)

Fork goes on the left; each has four letters.

Spoon and knife go on the right; each has five letters.

Gun goes... on top?

[–] [email protected] 16 points 2 months ago

Gun goes on hip so that you don't need to train on drawing while eating breakfast separately from training on drawing while doing anything else while sitting.

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[–] [email protected] 16 points 2 months ago

At the conclusion of a satisfying meal, Americans are expected to fire their Breakfast Guns into the air in the parking lot. It's considered courteous, and it signals to others where a good breakfast can be found.

[–] [email protected] 15 points 2 months ago (2 children)

That's the ceremonical gun, the actual one is under the belt pointing at the owner's testicles.

[–] [email protected] 7 points 2 months ago (1 children)

Safety off. Only protection is the hefty FUPA obscuring the weapon from sight

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[–] [email protected] 14 points 2 months ago (3 children)

Close. I keep a little league aluminum baseball bat handy for those rude individuals that like to interrupt my peaceful breakfast.

[–] [email protected] 9 points 2 months ago

This is why I have a suppressor on my breakfast gun

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[–] [email protected] 14 points 2 months ago* (last edited 2 months ago) (5 children)

It goes on whichever side your dominant hand is. Also, in the picture it's flipped the wrong way: Handle goes out so you can pick it up easily for when you need to dispense freedom seeds.

Also^2, the coffee should be black.

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[–] [email protected] 13 points 2 months ago (1 children)
[–] [email protected] 13 points 2 months ago

That's probably second breakfast.

[–] [email protected] 12 points 2 months ago (1 children)

Uh... Why is there only one egg?

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[–] [email protected] 12 points 2 months ago (4 children)

Where is the fucking cheese and Coca Cola?

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[–] [email protected] 9 points 2 months ago (1 children)

No cheese

No sausages

No ketchup

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[–] [email protected] 8 points 2 months ago (1 children)

I prefer to have my bacon mountain on top of my pancake tower. Also, needs more eggs and jelly for my toast, but where.the.fuck. is my glass of OJ?

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[–] [email protected] 8 points 2 months ago (1 children)

I just imagine they eat a huge bowl of that candy which they xall cereal.

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[–] [email protected] 7 points 2 months ago (2 children)

Everything should be coated in maple syrup too.

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[–] [email protected] 7 points 2 months ago

Not enough bacon.

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