this post was submitted on 10 Apr 2024
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Programmer Humor

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[–] [email protected] 76 points 6 months ago (3 children)

The fuck? How the fuck did that happen? I didn't even fucking ... That's not what I fucking wrote. Wtf? Fuck is this? Fuck this shit! Oh, fuck. Fucking mother fuck. Stupid fucking auto complete.

My roommates probably think this is a religious mantra by now.

[–] [email protected] 34 points 6 months ago

Don't forget the XKCD "WTFs per minute" review metric

[–] [email protected] 20 points 6 months ago (1 children)

God damnit! Who the fuck wrote this streaming pile of dog shit? Which ignorant fucktard has their head shoved so far up their ass that they would do something this stupid!?

Checks git blame

Ahhh fuck!

[–] [email protected] 8 points 6 months ago (1 children)

checks git blame

~oh~ ~fuck~ ~you~ ~past~ ~self~

[–] [email protected] 9 points 6 months ago

That asshole gets me every time.

[–] [email protected] 1 points 6 months ago

it's fun in other languages too

Puta que pariu, quem foi o corno que escreveu essa merda? Vá tomar no cu, esse código não foi escrito, foi cagado. Que caralho de emprego bosta esse meu, ter que mexer com lixo fedorento igual esse. COMPILA, CACETE! Merda, saco, bosta, FDP, corno!!

[–] [email protected] 74 points 6 months ago (1 children)

This was a struggle for me going from hobbyist programmer to working at a company. I tried to tone it down. Really. But eventually I got "promoted" to having my own office with a suspiciously thick door. Hmm…

[–] [email protected] 31 points 6 months ago

I'm not seeing the issue here

[–] [email protected] 32 points 6 months ago* (last edited 6 months ago) (2 children)

Just say your profanities aloud and don't let them make it to version control.

In the first major software system I designed and helped build I was a little too open in my comments. For years after that software had entered sunset I'd still get Slack pings along the lines of: "This looks like a Maximum Derek comment: ..." They were all diatribes about whatever was giving me grief when I was writing the code and they would all look perfectly at home in the script for 48 Hours (minus the racial or sexuality slurs).

In my defense we were working with PHP 5.3 at the time.

[–] [email protected] 17 points 6 months ago* (last edited 6 months ago) (2 children)

I grew up in a bit of a sketchy neighborhood and up until my mid 20's all my jobs were the sort where everybody cursed a lot, plus Finns tend to curse a lot in general.

I absolutely have not kept my cursing out of repositories, although looking at my last work project which had about 33000 lines all in all (maybe 2/3 written by me) when including comments, I was surprised to find it only 4 had "shits" and 6 "fucks". One line in an example & test file had both:

	zap.NewExample().Sugar().Errorw("welp, shit's fucked",
		"IsBadRequest", IsBadRequest(err),
		Field(err))

and then there's some comments like

// - turn the unsafe.Pointer into a *[8]byte, allowed due to unsafe pointer fuckery

// FIXME: this is just to make cli tool usage easier. It's a horrible fucking hack and should be
//  nuked from orbit

// FIXME: get rid of all this gorilla legacy bullshit. Could start by getting rid of the needless
// Interface type
[–] [email protected] 8 points 6 months ago

Yeah, that's the kind of thing I did only more often. Plus it was back when the conventional wisdom was that 50% of source code should be comments. So there was a LOT.

[–] [email protected] 5 points 6 months ago

Honestly I would love to work on a codebase full of profanity, let me know I'm not alone in my anger towards an inanimate object

Also would help make it feel less corporate

[–] [email protected] 8 points 6 months ago

Ah PHP 5.3... totally understandable.

[–] [email protected] 12 points 6 months ago (2 children)

I'm usually completely chill when I'm on the clock. When I write code for myself, that's when I feel personally attacked by my mistakes.

[–] [email protected] 6 points 6 months ago (1 children)

I'm the exact opposite: when I was still coding for work, that was when the curses flowed forth like a majestic waterfall, but I've always loved working on my own projects and don't mind adversity and mistakes at all

[–] dukk 6 points 6 months ago (1 children)

I’m both, I say fuck all the time. I fuck on and off the clock.

[–] [email protected] 1 points 6 months ago

A proper fucker

[–] [email protected] 5 points 6 months ago

How dare they!?

[–] [email protected] 7 points 6 months ago (1 children)

It is the language of the machine spirit

[–] [email protected] 5 points 6 months ago

Do this have something to do with the ducks I always hear about?

[–] [email protected] 5 points 6 months ago (2 children)

So basically programmers are pornstars?

[–] [email protected] 5 points 6 months ago

Only in the BDSM subgenre

[–] [email protected] 4 points 6 months ago

Only the ones that work for the BBC

[–] [email protected] 4 points 6 months ago
[–] [email protected] 3 points 6 months ago (1 children)
[–] [email protected] 0 points 6 months ago

There better be some fucking profanity in the source

[–] [email protected] 3 points 6 months ago (1 children)

Personally unrelatable. I assume this is different in industry code but in both personal and open source projects I've never seen or used anything like that.

(And I'm really not against iNaPpRoPriAtE words; I think they're not something bad to use and I often find it ridiculous how they're frowned upon in US culture, e.g. movie ratings. But I still want to keep my code neutral / professional.)

[–] [email protected] 21 points 6 months ago (1 children)

I don't think they mean profanity in the code. I think they mean profanity uttered by the programmers while writing code.

[–] [email protected] 3 points 6 months ago

I see; I've seen quite some memes about swear words in code, therefore I thought about that. But makes sense, thanks. (I can't relate to that either though.)