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Daughters and Fathers (lemm.ee)

submitted 5 months ago by [email protected] to c/[email protected]

79 comments fedilink hide all child comments

This is a serious question, mostly addressed to the adult women among us but also to anyone else who has a stake in the matter.

What did your father do for you/not do for you, that you needed?

Context: I have recently become a father to a daughter, with a mother whose father was not around when she was growing up. I won't bore you all with the details but our daughter is here now and I am realising that I'm the only one in our little family who has really had a father before. But I have never been a girl. And I know that as a boy, my relationships with my mother and father were massively influential and powerful but at the same time radically different to each other. People say that daughters and fathers have a unique relationship too.

Question: What was your father to you? What matters the most when it comes to a father making his daughter loved, safe, confident and free? To live a good life as an adult?

I'd like this to be a mature, personal and real discussion about daughters and fathers, rather than a political thing, so I humbly ask to please speak from the heart and not the head on this one :)

Thank you

P.S Apologies if this question is badly written or conceived; I haven't been getting enough sleep! It is what it is!

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[–] [email protected] 73 points 5 months ago (3 children)

This thread already has so much great advice that it made me a bit teary eyed reading it. I don’t know if I can contribute much but I’ll try.

90% of parenting is just showing up. Your physical, mental, and emotional presents will mean far more to them than anything else. That’s what will make them feel valued and loved.
Fuck gender norms. Regardless of if your child wants to learn to sew, fix engines, or both, embrace it, encourage them, and be there with them every step of the way.
They don’t really have any perspective on things so small things to you are huge things to them. Don’t just dismiss their feelings.
like everyone else said, listen to them. Like really listen every time.
Don’t over think it. If you’re asking these questions, your head and heart are already in the right place. Trust yourself.

[–] [email protected] 6 points 5 months ago (1 children)

Yeah, last point is very true. I can already tell this girl is gonna have a good father regardless if he applies anything from this thread or not, given he cares enough and has the humility to ask.

[–] [email protected] 3 points 5 months ago

I totally agree. It makes me so happy to see this new generation that’s completely redefining what fatherhood looks like.

[–] [email protected] 2 points 5 months ago

Thanks so much for your comment - it's given me confidence, compassion and some peace too :) It's taken me nearly a week to read everyone's replies and over that time it has made me feel quite emotional too. We all have so much love and goodness that we want to make happen the world. I'm eally glad I made this post.

[–] [email protected] 2 points 5 months ago

I'm going to reply to OP directly, but your point on really listening is huge. My SO shared an article that, while I don't have access to share it, I'm gonna copypaste it to OP because I think every parent needs to read it. Thank you for bringing it up!